


Insert Jesus Allegory Here

by labyrinthineRetribution



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blood, Body Horror, Canon-Typical Violence, Eye Trauma, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Headaches & Migraines, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, M/M, Mild Gore, Minor Kanaya Maryam/Vriska Serket, POV Karkat Vantas, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Pesterquest, Quadrant Vacillation, Roommates, Suicidal Thoughts, Temporary Character Death, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-01-20 20:21:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 45,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21287627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/labyrinthineRetribution/pseuds/labyrinthineRetribution
Summary: What if Karkat wasn't such a stubborn asshole and took Sollux up on his offer? Let's find out.
Relationships: Sollux Captor/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 101
Kudos: 294





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> solkat rights in 2019 huh. cool, cool. my city now

You stare down at your palmhusk, tears blurring your vision, the ominous, bone-chilling whir of imperial drones growing louder with every second you waste just standing here like an idiot. How did it all go so wrong? What inconsequential bullshit thing were you being punished for? You had been so careful and yet…

You look around, maybe there might be some way out, but the streets are completely deserted. You can't even remember how you got here, what the fuck were you doing outside Captor's hive? The entire evening was becoming blurry as you try to recall why you feel so sick, why you have this pan-splitting headache. You remember absolutely dick and shit. It's like someone took a knife and carved a hunk of your memories of the day out. Everytime someone should have been there, it's like they were replaced with a person shaped blob. God how you craved nothing more than to keel over right now in the middle of the road and bawl your gander bulbs out.  
  
SOLLUX: HEY iiDiiOT!

SOLLUX: GET YOUR A22 iiN2iiDE NOW! 

You whip around and see Sollux standing right outside his hivestem, a mixture of confusion and terror plastered across his face as you both lock eyes. You open your mouth to tell him to go back inside now, to leave you the fuck alone, to beg him not to do anything absurdly moronic, but you're abruptly cut off by an ear splitting boom to your left followed by the familiar sound of crumbling buildings and screaming children. You quickly spin around to find yourself face to face with an imperial drone, the bright light of the nearby hivefire glinting off its metallic chitin, eyes cold and dim boring right through you.

You can't fucking move. You're rooted to the spot, your blood goes cold as your bloodpusher nearly stops. This is how you are going to die, like a goddamn barkbeast, alone in the middle of the street. You can hear yourself hyperventilate but you've gone completely numb. You just wish it would just fucking hurry up and put you out of your misery.

You quickly realize the sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach is less because your insides are three seconds from becoming your outsides and more due to the fact that you're floating about 8 feet off the ground. Electricity crackles in the air as you feel yourself being hurled a good hundred feet down the road. Your skin burns as you crash face first into the asphalt, tumbling ass over horns. If your life were some sort of shitty comic, a humorous 'DOOF' might appear right above your ragdolling torso. You come skidding to a stop flat on your back, being hit by an ear-deafening cracking to your right and looking up just in time to see a massive hunk of rubble being flung at top speed straight towards the drone. It hits the walking nightmare square in its back, the moment sending it flying towards another building, burying it in an avalanche of metal and rubble. If you weren't two seconds from vomiting out of sheer pain and panic, you'd be impressed.

Your face is burning. It feels like you just spent the better part of the evening shredding your cheeks against a grubloaf grater and immediately submerged your head in a bath of lemon juice and salt. You move to stand but something in you chest shuts that shit down immediately, sharp pain shooting throughout your body. Your ears are still ringing but you can make out a voice in the mayhem.

SOLLUX: KK!!

Sollux sprints over to you, psionics still spilling out of his creepy, pupiless eyes in a steady stream. He holds out his hand to help you back up, but you just glare at him. What a fucking moron.  
  
KARKAT: YOU ARE A FUCKING MORON.

SOLLUX: oh you have GOT two be kiiddiing me.

SOLLUX: ii'm 2orry for haviing the ba2iic decency two 2ave your WORTHLE22 LiiFE!

SOLLUX: what a terriible friiend ii mu2t be, not wantiing my friiend two get culled riight out2iide my hiive!

SOLLUX: maybe you're riight!

SOLLUX: ii'm quiite certaiin that a fuckiing 2quadron of drone2 wiill be here at any moment two fiinii2h the job

SOLLUX: why 2hould ii be bu2tiing my a22 for 2omeone who ii2n't even grateful enough two FUCKIING 2TAND UP WHEN ii'M TALKiiNG TWO HiiM!!

KARKAT: HEY, COULD YOU QUIT THROWING SUCH A GODDAMN WRIGGLER FIT?

KARKAT: SERIOUSLY, YOU'RE SO SENSITIVE.

KARKAT: AND SPEAKING OF THROWING, GREAT JOB SHIT DUMPSTER, YOU BROKE MY RIBS WHEN YOU FLUNG ME ASS FIRST DOWN THE STREET!

SOLLUX: are you fuckiing 2eriiou2???

KARKAT: NO, NOW JUST SEEMED LIKE THE BEST TIME TO GUILT TRIP YOU.

KARKAT: OF *COURSE* I'M SERIOUS YOU BRAIN DAMAGED GRUBFUCKER!

KARKAT: I'M BEING DENIED THE SIMPLE LUXURY OF BREATHING WITHOUT FEELING LIKE I'M BEING STABBED REPEATEDLY IN MY CHEST.

SOLLUX: could you quiite beiing 2uch an iincorriigiible nook 2tuffer for liike two 2econd2?

SOLLUX: we kiind of have more pre22iing 2hiit!

Sollux jabs a finger towards the sky where three more drones in the horizon, tiny points against the violet sky but growing closer with every moment. Oh right, you're in the middle of being oppressed right now aren't you? It's kind of insane how you got distracted by this very important fact. Then again, chewing out Captor for being a stubborn bulge fondling idiot does take a lot of energy. He helps you up and attempts to steer you back towards his hive.  
  
KARKAT: WAIT WAIT WAIT.

KARKAT: HOLD YOUR GODDAMN HOOFBEASTS FOR A SECOND, WHAT THE *FUCK* DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?

SOLLUX: uh, gettiing your dumb a22 iin2iide before you get iit 2erved back two you.

SOLLUX: liike 2ome poor fucker on double butler ii2land where the butler'2 2peciial meal ii2 a piipiing hot nutriitiion of a22.

KARKAT: DO YOU REALLY THINK THIS IS THE BEST TIME TO WORK ON YOUR FUCKING STAND UP SET? OR IS YOUR PAN SO FUCKING ATROPHIED FROM SWEEPS OF DISUSE THAT YOU'RE LITERALLY A WALKING TALKING CHARICATURE OF ANY SORT OF ACTUALLY FUNCTIONAL PERSON?

SOLLUX: ii refu2e two apologiize for art.

SOLLUX: actually waiit ii ju2t regii2tered what ii 2aiid wow ii am a fuckiing tool plea2e put me out of my mii2ery iif ii ever attempt comedy agaiin.

KARKAT: SHUT THE FUCK UP.

KARKAT: BESIDES, I THOUGHT I MADE IT PERFECTLY, INDISPUTABLY CLEAR THAT I DO *NOT* WANT OR NEED YOUR GODDAMN HELP. 

SOLLUX: oh my GOD.

SOLLUX: ii CANNOT beliieve you riight now.

SOLLUX: 2orry two bur2t your bubble KK but the 2hiit ha2 hiit the fuckiing thre2her. 

SOLLUX: 2o you can biitch and moan and whiine a2 much you'd fuckiing liike, but ii'm not about two leave you two wander alone iin the fuckiing wood2 untiil you iineviitably get your 2hiit wrecked.

SOLLUX: 2O GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR NOOK AND QUiiT FEELiiNG 2O FUCKiiNG 2ORRY FOR YOUR2ELF FOR ONCE iiN YOUR LiiFE AND JU2T Lii2TEN TWO ME!

KARKAT: NO!!!

SOLLUX: WHY THE FUCK NOT?

KARKAT: OH GEE, LET ME THINK!

KARKAT: MAYBE, AND STAY WITH ME HERE, JUST *MAYBE*, I DON'T WANT TO BE DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE FOR MY BEST FRIEND'S DEATH!

KARKAT: MAYBE I DON'T WANT TO LIVE OUT THE REST OF MY MISERABLE, WRETCHED EXISTENCE KNOWING THAT MY MERE PRESENCE GOT SOMEONE KILLED FOR NO FUCKING REASON OTHER THAN ME BEING IN HIS GENERAL PROXIMITY!

SOLLUX: what?

KARKAT: DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE ME **ALL** THE FUCKING TIME?

KARKAT: CAN YOU EVEN COMPREHEND A FUCKING MINUTE IN THE LIFE OF KARKAT 'WORTHLESS TRASH BLOOD' VANTAS?

KARKAT: EVERY EVENING I HAVE TO WAKE UP AND LIVE WITH THE REALITY THAT THE ENTIRE FUCKING PLANET WANTS ME DEAD AND THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING I CAN DO TO FIX THAT.

KARKAT: AND THE ROTTEN FRUIT TOPPING ON TOP OF THE PILE OF SHIT ENCRUSTED GRUBCAKES IS THAT I CAN'T EVEN FUCKING CRY ABOUT IT IN THE PRIVACY OF MY OWN HIVE WITHOUT A SQUADRON OF MURDERBOTS SPRINGING CULLING BONERS FASTER THAN A GROUP OF LAUGHSASSINS SPOTTING SOME DISABLED LOWBLOOD.

KARKAT: I MEAN, WHAT THE ***FUCK***?!?!?!?

KARKAT: DOES THE UNIVERSE REALLY FIND THE VERY CONCEPT OF ME SO LOATHESOME THAT I AM INCAPABLE OF GETTING A FUCKING BREAK!?!?

KARKAT: I'M THE BIGGEST FUCKING JOKE ON THE PLANET, PURELY A HYPOTHETICAL DAYTIME STORY TO KEEP WRIGGLERS MOUTHS SHUT ABOUT THIS BULLSHIT 'HIERARCHY'.

KARKAT: WHY NO LITTLE TIMMEY, OF COURSE MUTANTS DON'T EXIST, WHAT TYPE OF SADISTIC KNUCKLEFUCKING SELF MASTURBATORY SORRY EXCUSE FOR AN EMPIRE WOULD EVER LET THAT MISTAKE HAVE THE MISFORTUNE OF SENTIENCE? NOW GET BACK TO FONDLING YOUR GROTESQUE HORNS.

SOLLUX: ...  
  
KARKAT: GOD, LOOK, IT'S…

KARKAT: IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT DUDE.

KARKAT: IT'S MY PROBLEM FOR HAVING THE AUDACITY TO LIVE.

KARKAT: I'M JUST SO FUCKING DONE WITH ALL OF IT.

KARKAT: I'M EXHAUSTED, AND I JUST WANT TO CRAWL INTO A HOLE AND FADE AWAY BY MYSELF LIKE A PIECE OF FUCKING GARBAGE.

KARKAT: I KNOW YOU WANT TO HELP, BUT I JUST *CAN'T*...

KARKAT: I CAN'T LET ANYONE ELSE LIVE LIKE THIS.

Sollux's face is unreadable. The faint hum in the distance grows louder, more sinister. You feel light-headed. You've never been this terrified in your entire life.

KARKAT: SOLLUX, I HAVE TO GO-

KARKAT: WAIT, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?

KARKAT: !!!

Sollux grabs you roughly by the shoulders and wraps his arms around you, burying his face in your neck.

Oh god, is he fucking hugging you?

He's bony and rigid and awkward and smells just enough like honey and Troll Axe Body Spray to be off-putting, but something about it this entire fucked up situation resigns you to your fate and you let him hold you for just a moment longer. After what seems like an eternity, he pulls back and looks at you with intent.

SOLLUX: we wiill never 2peak of that agaiin.

KARKAT: AGREED.

SOLLUX: you do know ii'm not leaviing you out here, riight?

KARKAT: OH MY LORD, DID YOU LISTEN TO A SINGLE FUCKING WORD I SAID? OR WERE YOU TO BUSY HAVING ONE OF YOUR DAILY ANEURYSMS OVER HOW AWFUL YOU ARE IN EVERY CONCEIVABLE WAY?

SOLLUX: could you can iit for one fuckiing iin2tant, ii'm tryiing two be niice for once.

SOLLUX: KK, ii under2tand what you're doiing, and ii'm 2ure iit 2ound2 liike a 2uperb iidea, but ii need you two under2tand that thii2 ii2 the dumbe2t fuckiing plan you've ever had by a long2hot.

SOLLUX: you aren't helpiing a 2iingle per2on by tryiing two keep up the b2 martyr act. 

SOLLUX: ju2t…

SOLLUX: ugh what the FUCK why ii2 thii2 2o DiiFiiCULT?

Sollux looks up at the sky, the drones ever closer, two more joining their ranks. He shakes his head and turns back to you, emotionally drained.

SOLLUX: ii...ii get iit. the hatiing your2elf. liike iim fuckiing 2iick two death of my2elf about half the tiime.

SOLLUX: feeliing liike everythiing do amount2 two nothiing becau2e you're a repugnant 2ack of 2hiit.

SOLLUX: ii mean, obviiou2ly not two the extent that you do, ii mean WOW ii2 your liife a fuckiing garbage fiire.

SOLLUX: and al2o we both are kiind of terriible people, but that'2 not the poiint riight now.

SOLLUX: ii ju2t mean ii get what iit mean2 two be doomed.

KARKAT: ... 

SOLLUX: but, and god thii2 ii2 gonna 2ound 2o fuckiing lame and iif you ever briing thii2 up agaiin ii wiill 2hove my foot 2o far up your 2eedflap there wiill be a foot 2haped hole somewhere iin your gut2 untiil the end of tiime.

SOLLUX: u2 beiing doomed doe2n't make worthle22.

SOLLUX: ugh, ii thiink ii ju2t threw up iin my mouth a liittle.

SOLLUX: KK, you are wiithout a doubt the mo2t melodramatiic, petty and all-around iirriitatiing douche nozzle ii have ever had the mii2fortune of calliing an acquaiintance, let alone a friiend.

SOLLUX: and ii care about you.

SOLLUX: yep, that’2 defiiniitely vomiit, giive me a 2ec.

KARKAT: IT'S ALMOST UNFATHOMABLE HOW INEPT YOU ARE AT THIS.

SOLLUX: 2tfu.

SOLLUX: KK, a2 your friiend, ii need you two go iin2iide, ju2t for a liittle biit. ii wiill be fiine, but on the liikely chance that 2tatement become2 horriibly iironiic and today'2 the day ii biite iit and ii'm not back iin an hour, you take your 2tupiid fuckiing 2tubby 2trutfrond2 and haul a22 over two TZ'2.

KARKAT: SOLLUX, WAIT-

SOLLUX: promii2e me.

The drones are almost on top of you. You have about a minute before they notice you, if you're being generous.

Sollux is gripping your arms, his hands trembling slightly. Fuck, he really cares about you. Tears sting the corners of your eyes as you look right back at your best friend.

What the hell, it's his death wish.  
  
KARKAT: YOU KNOW WHAT, FUCK IT!

KARKAT: WE'LL DO IT YOUR WAY.

SOLLUX: oh thank god acknowledgiing ii have emotiion2 wa2 kiilliing me.

KARKAT: I KNOW.

SOLLUX: 2crew you and before you try two re2pond two that ii would liike two remiind you we have liike thiirty 2econd2 before our collectiive 2hiit get2 wrecked.

SOLLUX: now get iin2iide 2tupiid, ii'd better 2tart dealiing wiith the2e fuckiing 2crub2…

SOLLUX: on the double.

SOLLUX: ii re2ciind my earliier whiiniing, ii'm actually the funniie2t 2on of a biitch two crawl out of the mother grub2 ooziing diilatiing a22hole.

KARKAT: WHAT YOU ARE IS A FUCKING DISGRACE.

Sollux scrunches up his face for a moment then lets go of your arms, looking back up towards the sky. It's time to go.

You sprint as quickly as you can across the street, clutching your chest and hacking up your breathing sac as quietly as possible. Everything in your upper torso feels like it's been sliced open, doused in salt and set ablaze. Your vision is still blurry at the edges, like a half forgotten memory, but you can't pass out just yet. You make your way over to the side entrance of Sollux's building and slamming the door open.

Seven minutes and five flights of stairs later-seriously you're going to fucking strangle whoever thought building a hivestem without an elevator was a good idea with their own intestines-and you collapse on the floor of Sollux's common block. You lock the door and drag yourself over to his block, curling up next to his cocoon, sickle in hand.

This is fine. This is all going to be fine. You're going to be completely fucking fine, sans the agonizing pain in your chest, which has become relentless in its quest to get you to acknowledge it. You gently feel under your sweater to assess the damage, pain shooting up into your pan.

You stare at your hand. You're met with faint streaks of bright, sickening red.

Your best friend was going to die and it's all your fault.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome back to my own personal hell: writing tender character exchanges

You have no idea how long it's been. Bright flashes of light had flashed and flickered just outside the window as deafening booms rocked the building, but all has gone quiet. You draw shallow, shaky breathes, squeezing your eyes so tight you see stars. Your claws dig into your palms as you clench and unclench them.

It's impossible to tell exactly how long it's been, but you would venture to guess that your hour is up. Daybreak would come in a few hours and Terezi's treehive is planted smackdab in the middle of 'remote bullshit mystical forest' junction. God, would she even let you stay with her? You don't even have the luxury of second guessing yourself right now. Shit has to get done around here, one way or another.

The window swings open right as you move to leave. You scramble back to your shitty hiding spot, acid climbing up your meal tunnel. You hear a loud thump as something hits the floor by Captor's work desk. You look over at the lifeless lump sprawled out across the ground.

Holy shit.  
  
KARKAT: ...SOLLUX?

No answer. You wait a moment. 

Then another.

Each passing second squeezes the air from your body, numbing you. You creep closer towards his limp form, something heavy and cold in the pit of your being. This can't be happening.  
  
KARKAT: SOLLUX?

KARKAT: SOLLUX ARE YOU OK?

KARKAT: HEY, ALTERNIA TO DIPSHIT, COULD YOU PLEASE WAKE UP??

KARKAT: OH GOD.

KARKAT: OH GOD OH FUCK OH SHIT.

KARKAT: THIS CAN'T BE FUCKING HAPPENING.

KARKAT: THIS ISN'T HAPPENING, THERE IS NO WAY ON ANY CONCEIVABLE LEVEL THAT THIS IS HAPPENING.

KARKAT: YOU'RE FINE, THIS IS COMPLETELY FINE, IT'S ALL…

KARKAT: WE'RE ALL-

KARKAT: I-

KARKAT: I'M-

KARKAT: GODDAMMIT!

KARKAT: SOLLUX PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD COULD YOU JUST WAKE UP?

KARKAT: I CAN'T- 

KARKAT: OH GOD.

KARKAT: THIS IS ALL MY FAULT.

This stunning revelation hits you like a sack of bricks to the face.  
  
KARKAT: THIS IS COMPLETELY AND ENTIRELY MY FAULT.

KARKAT: I SHOULDN'T HAVE COME HERE. I SHOULDN'T *BE* HERE.

KARKAT: I'M… I'M SO FUCKING SORRY SOLLUX.

KARKAT: I'M SORRY I'M SUCH A MASSIVE FUCKING SCREW UP. I'M SORRY FOR MAKING YOU CARE ABOUT ME.

KARKAT: I'M SORRY FOR BEING YOUR FRIEND.

You slump against his desk, completely and utterly drained. You could have left. You _ should _ have left. And now what? All you have to show for letting other people care for you is the body of your best friend.  
  
KARKAT: I JUST... 

KARKAT: FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? I CAN'T GO TO TEREZI'S OR ELSE THE SAME EXACT SHIT WILL GO DOWN.

KARKAT: IT'LL JUST KEEP HAPPENING ON SOME ENDLESS LOOP OF MISERY.

KARKAT: I'M SCARED DUDE. I'M ABSOLUTELY, PANTS-SHITTINGLY TERRIFIED.

KARKAT: AND 

KARKAT: ... I'M SORRY.

You two sit in silence for some time. Everytime you look over at him, you got churns with guilt. Persistent pinging from his trollian application is the only sign that time isn't at a complete stand still. You tear your eyes away from him long enough to check his chump roll.

Terezi, Aradia and Kanaya. You get the first two, but Kanaya strikes you as a bit strange. Should you answer them? Would it be weird to inform them of Captor's demise like this? You can't really think of a more appropriate way, but something about it strikes you as a little more than unsettling for whatever reason. But it can't hurt to at least read what they wrote.

* * *

apocalypseArisen [AA] began pestering  twinArmageddons [TA]  
  
AA: s0llux

AA: are y0u there?

AA: s0methings g0ne awry

AA: im afraid we cant play the game anym0re

AA: alth0ugh y0u pr0bably already knew this 0n s0me level

AA: y0u pr0bably als0 kn0w this means were all d00med

AA: well m0re d00med than we were 0riginally

AA: a less c0nstructive versi0n 0f 0ur preemptive d00m

AA: ... 

AA: this is stupid

AA: g00dbye   
  
apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased pestering  twinArmageddons [TA]

* * *

arachnidsGrip [AG] began pestering  twinArmageddons [TA]  
  
AG: Hey four eyes, you there?

AG: Helloooooooo?

AG: >::::\

AG: I a8solutely cannot 8elieve you are ignoring me right now!

AG: I know that you're just sitting there all hunched over your husktop like some sort of nerd. Well guess what hot shot, I don't give a fuck!

AG: Is this anyway to treat a lady? 

AG: Ahahahahahahaha! 

AG: I'm just kidding, God could you fucking imagine?

AG: 8ut getting 8ack on track here, this is kind of important so could you get your frond out of your nook and answer now?

AG: ........

AG: ................

AG: ........................ 

AG: Uggggggggh!!!!!!!!

AG: Just look at all those dots asshole!

AG: Each one represents a little part of me that has died of sheer 8oredom.

AG: Wer8n't you the one hassling me a8out this very important game????????

AG: Now what?

AG: Radio silence from dimwitted dou8le-dork and his stupid nasally lispy voice.

AG: I mean, in all actuality you're pro8a8ly just in one of your moods and I'm just 8eing a 8itch.

AG: 8ut that seems more your pro8lem than it is mine.

AG: And on top of all this, Aradia JUST contacted me to tell me the game is off???????? 

AG: I mean, what is her deal anyway?

AG: Man, I 8et she's doing this just to spite me. That is so like her.

AG: God, at least you chumps will 8e spared the utter humiliation of going toe to toe with someone like me :::;).

AG: 8ut I had really 8een looking forward to it! Just my luck. 

AG: I just know Karkat would have thrown a shit fit a8out 8eing team captain or whatever. Man, he is so ornery, I'm surprised he hasn't 8urst a 8lood vessel.

AG: Oh speak of that fucking loudmouth, geez!

AG: What the hell did he do now????????

AG: Just a second. 

AG: Um.

AG: Wow.

AG: This is fucking priceless!

AG: I gotta tell Pyrope a8out this, you can't make this shit up!

AG: Still not answering huh?

AG: Oh my god, don't tell me you're like, 8leeding to death on the floor of your 8lock. That's pro8a8ly it.

AG: Happens a LOT more than you would think you know.

AG: Just hurry up and get 8ack to me pronto 222222ollux!!!!!!!!  
  
arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased pestering  twinArmageddons [TA]

* * *

grimAuxillatrix [GA] began pestering  twinArmageddons [TA]  
  
GA: Ok So

GA: Im Not Sure If Youve Heard

GA: Although There Would Be No Logical Reason In My Mind For Why You Havent

GA: But What Would I Know Perhaps Youve Gone Off And Spontaneously Injured Yourself And Have More Pressing Matters To Attend To

GA: But In Case This Incredibly Specific Scenario Hasnt Occurred

GA: It Seems Karkat Has Gotten Himself A Rather Serious Drone Strike Called On Him

GA: As His Friend I Just Thought It Wise To Let You Know

GA: But Once Again You Probably Already Do And This Whole Message Is Completely Pointless

GA: Just 

GA: Let Me Know If You See Or Hear From Him

GA: He Wont Answer My Messages And Im Growing Rather Concerned

GA: Its Probably Nothing But

GA: Ok This Exchange Had Gone On Far Too Long And You Arent Even Online So Im Just Going To Stop Typing Now  
  
grimAuxillatrix [GA] ceased pestering  twinArmageddons [TA]

* * *

You decide it's best to just leave them on read for the time being, at least until you're a little more stable. Then you'll explain everything.

You whirl back around to find Sollux's body has vanished.

Wait, what the fuck?

Panic hits you harder than a speeding omniscuttlecaravan. He was _ just _ here.

Shuffling and mumbling alert you to the ablution block, door shut but lights still off. Okay, you guess you're doing this now. You feel like you're losing your mind. You equip your sickle and tip-toe over, press your ear against the door and catch snippets of muffled shifting and muttering. You pull open the door and hit the light switch being met with a loud hissing from the floor.  
  
SOLLUX: could you turn the FUCKiiNG liight off?

KARKAT: *SOLLUX*????

He's just laying on the floor, hand shoved inside the cabinet under the sink, all sorts of bullshit and junk strewn about. One of his arms looks like it took a sharp turn in the wrong direction. His face…everything about his face was a fucking disaster. Blood and bruises paint him purple and yellow all over. It looks like his very existence pains him, which in all honesty it probably does. But you can't really find it in yourself to give a shit about any of that right because you literally cannot fathom him being here right now.  
  
KARKAT: WHAT.

KARKAT: IN THE BLISTERING, BULGE CHAFING-

SOLLUX: wow.

SOLLUX: ok um.

SOLLUX: yeah ii'm gonna need you two cut that 2hiit out liike riight now.

SOLLUX: my pan feel2 liike 2omebody brought a 2teamroller over two a junkyard fiilled wiith nothiing but broken gla22 and choiir2 of ban2hee2 and went two town, recorded the audiio, piitched iit up and played iit on loop for a 2weep 2traiight wiith the iit beiing piiped diirectly iintwo my head whiile al2o electrocutiing me the entiire tiime. 

SOLLUX: 2o ii'm really not iin the mood two lii2ten two you biitch at me, e2peciially iif you're gonna 2cream the whole tiime.

SOLLUX: now could you plea2e piick your jaw up off the floor and hand me the goddamn mediicaliizer?

He moves to sit up and immediately winces in pain, coughing up blood. He pathetically thumps back down and offers you his good arm.  
  
SOLLUX: don't 2ay anythiing.

Half an hour of absurdly comedic complaining and awkward maneuvering later, you finally managed to fix his arm with the medicalizer and drag his bony ass back into his respiteblock. He's propped up against his cocoon and half awake, flinching and twitching with your every touch, you have to remind him not to fucking squirm so much. You had gotten you both a sopor pill for the pain and an ice pack for his head and he can still just barely keep his eyes open. His shirt is soaked through with a dark yellow.  
  
KARKAT: SOLLUX, TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRT, I NEED TO MAKE SURE YOU DON'T BLEED TO DEATH OR SOME OTHER BULLSHIT.

SOLLUX: you know mo2t troll2 buy diinner fiir2t.

KARKAT: OH MY GOD, GET THE FUCK OVER YOURSELF.

KARKAT: IF I WASN'T SO NICE AND RACKED TO THE CORE WITH GUILT YOUR ASS WOULD STILL BE ON THE FLOOR.

SOLLUX: oh ii'm 2o fuckiing grateful for your chariity mr magnaniimou2.

He snorts as you wrench his disgusting shirt off him and throw the offending garment to the floor. Good god, he looks even fucking worse with it off, which is quite the feat. Deep gashes and burns puncture his discolored skin, fresh blood still trickling down his chest. You lightly trace your claw down a particularly nasty slash right below his collarbone and he takes a sharp breath. He looks miserable.  
  
KARKAT: GROSS.

SOLLUX: yeah, can we ju2t get thii2 over wiith? 

KARKAT: JUST A SECOND.

You reach up and grab a handful of sopor. Sollux meets your eye and gives you a small nod, grabbing his shirt and biting down on it. You grab his hand and count to three. 

His shriek pierces the silence as you smear sopor on his wounds. You try to still his thrashing, his claws digging into your palm. You finish as quickly as you can, bandaging his chest as he did his best to keep from outright crying. It isn't working. His ragged breath grows quiet as you cup his gaunt face in your hands, wiping away tears and shooshing his sobs. 

This has gotten a little more pale than initially anticipated. You pull back and clear your throat, asking him how he feels.  
  
SOLLUX: liike 2hiit obviiou2ly.

SOLLUX: but thank2, ii gue22.

KARKAT: DON'T MENTION IT.

KARKAT: EVER.

The silence hangs thick in the air like molasses. Sollux inspects his hand, the one that you had been holding. Bright red paints the tips of his fingers. He's transfixed by it, the revolting, eye-burning color. That color has nearly gotten you both killed in the past six hours alone. You're sick to death of it. A constant reminder that you're fundamentally fucked up from the inside out.  
  
SOLLUX: are you ok?

KARKAT: WHAT DO YOU THINK SHITHEAD?

You rock a little on the heels of your feet, fiddling with the stitching of your sweater.  
  
KARKAT: I'LL BE OUT OF YOUR NOOK IN THE EVENING.

SOLLUX: waiit, what?

SOLLUX: no, fuck no, you're gonna get your2elf culled.

KARKAT: SO WHAT?

KARKAT: YOU NEARLY GOT YOURSELF SLAUGHTERED AND FOR WHAT?

KARKAT: I MEAN, FUCK DUDE, JUST LOOK AT YOURSELF! YOU'VE NEARLY BURNT YOURSELF OUT DUMBASS!

KARKAT: IT'LL JUST BE BETTER FOR EVERYONE IF I JUST FUCK OFF FOREVER.

KARKAT: I'M AS GOOD AS DEAD ANYWAY.

KARKAT: THANKS FOR WASTING YOUR ENERGY OR WHATEVER BUT CONSTANTLY FEELING LIKE A LOATHSOME INCONSIDERATE LOAD GAPER FOR PUTTING MY FRIENDS IN DANGER IS TAKING ITS TOLL ALREADY.

KARKAT: THIS IS ALL MY FAULT. IT'S *NEVER* NOT MY FAULT.

KARKAT: SO QUIT TREATING ME LIKE I'M ANYTHING MORE THAN A LIABILITY.

SOLLUX: ...

SOLLUX: hey KK?

KARKAT: WHAT?

He reaches out and weakly places a hand on your arm. You feel the faintest ghost of a shock snake up your spine.  
  
SOLLUX: do you know anythiing about p2iioniic2? liike, anythiing at all?

KARKAT: I KNOW THAT THE ONE NAMED SOLLUX CAPTOR IS A GIGANTIC BELLIGERENT BULGELORD.

SOLLUX: could you remove the 2tiick from your wa2techute and at lea2t try two take me 2eriiou2ly?

KARKAT: BITE ME.

SOLLUX: god, 2iince you're 2o commiitted two beiing a 2hiit twoniight ii'll ju2t 2pell iit out for your den2e pan.

SOLLUX: when partiicularly powerful p2iioniic2 come of age, they're a22iigned two act a2 liiviing batteriie2 for the re2t of theiir day2.

SOLLUX: they have all the energy forcefully and paiinfully draiined from theiir bodiie2, leaviing liittle more than hu2k behiind by the tiime they've fulfiilled theiir purpo2e.

SOLLUX: furthermore, they u2ually have theiir liife2pan2 expanded a few miilliion 2weep2 two get a2 much miilage out of them a2 phy2iically po22iible.

SOLLUX: 2o iit wouldn't be two pre2umptiive two gue22 that thii2 whole proce22 would 2uck major hoofbea2t cock riight?

KARKAT: YEAH, SOUNDS PRETTY DAMN AWFUL.

SOLLUX: well WELCOME TWO MY LiiFE 2HiiT FOR 2PONGE2!

SOLLUX: ii've been on the helm2lii2t 2iince ii wa2 old enough two grope my horn2 iin a 2emii-iironiic/2emii-erotiic fa2hiion. there ii2 LiiTERALLY no gettiing out of thii2 hell for me, granted ii don't fiinally go through wiith gougiing my eye2 out or 2omethiing 2iimiilarly dramatiic.

SOLLUX: ba2iically, your pre2ence ha2 liittle two no effect on my current 2urviival chance2, ii'm already monumentally fucked. hell, iif ii get iiced a liittle early, you miight be doiing me a favor.

KARKAT: OH.

SOLLUX: 2o are you done throwiing your2elf a goddamn piity party everytiime 2omeone triie2 two be the lea2t biit decent twoward2 you?

You don't answer his question and opt to deflect instead.  
  
KARKAT: YOU KNOW, A COUPLE PEOPLE WERE TRYING TO CONTACT YOU WHILE YOU WERE MIA RIGHT?

SOLLUX: iif by miia you mean pa22ed the fuck out, then ye2 ii know, ii 2aw you fiiddliing wiith my hu2ktop. 

SOLLUX: btw iif you ever touch iit agaiin the drone2 wiill be the lea2t of your problem2.

KARKAT: OH, I'M SO FUCKING SCARED OF THE SMUG FUCKWAD WHO CAN'T EVEN CLIMB INTO HIS OWN COCOON WITHOUT HELP.

SOLLUX: 2tfu. 

SOLLUX: what diid they want anyway?

KARKAT: MOSTLY JUST A BUNCH OF NOSY BROADS WONDERING WHY I'VE SUDDENLY BECOME ALTERNIA'S MOST WANTED. SHOULD WE TELL THEM?

SOLLUX: ...no.

SOLLUX: the le22 people who know where you are the better.

KARKAT: I GUESS THAT MAKES SENSE.

You both lapse back into your awkward silence. You think this might be the most time you've spent alone with another troll. You don't despise it as much as you had anticipated, but something about the amount of physical contact involved makes you uneasy. But you can get used to that as well. You eventually help Sollux into his ridiculous bifurcated recuperacoon and settle yourself back down onto the cold, stony floor. Sollux sleepily grumbles at you.  
  
SOLLUX: hey 2tupiid, you can 2leep iin the other half you know.

You could, but some fundamentally stubborn part of you keeps you curled up into a ball of despondence and exhaustion on the ground. You do let him fiddle with your idiotic encryption modus to get your blanket out. You curl into it, letting its weight settle on you. The sound of Captor's breathy snoring eventually lulls you into an uneasy sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for taking the time to read this if you liked it then let me know have a good night everybody


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome to hell and that hell is interpersonal relationships between teenagers

Over the next few weeks, you slowly grow accustomed to the idea of sharing a hive with another troll, although in practice, it’s wearing you a bit thin, having to constantly remind yourself you aren’t alone no matter how much you try to convince yourself. You keep to yourself, not speaking except to bark at him when he starts tracking sopor around or playing literally the worst music you’ve ever had the misfortune of hearing. But you can’t keep avoiding him like this. 

You spend most of your time in Captor’s recreation block, carefully rifling through his shit when he's not in there like any self proclaimed best friend would. You don't find anything of interest, although he does have quite the impressive throwing star collection.

You also note that he doesn't ever _ do _ much. His schedule consists of waking up around midnight, fucking around on his husktop for a few hours, taking care of his lusus, curling up into a ball on the floor to moan about one of his pan splitting headaches, then finally playing one of his pirated games until he gets sick of your nagging and drags himself back to his cocoon. His hive is inconspicuously gross, with subtle unidentifiable stains streaking the walls while sopor and crushed grub games litter the floor. You don't think you've ever actually seen him step foot in his own mealblock, let alone eat. It constantly baffles you how little he gives a shit about his own well being.

When you're not pawing through your friend’s personal possessions like some sort of feral trash beast, you occupy yourself with cleaning his hive. A very miniscule part of you recognizes that you're mostly doing this out of gut churning guilt, a desperate attempt to make yourself useful so you don't feel completely worthless. But the reason you've convinced yourself of is Captor's seeming inability to give a shit about his living quarters. His habit of just shifting his garbage around for a few hours before passing out pisses you off to no end. You will admit, your hive had never been in the _ best _ of conditions, but at least you had enough decency to mop the damn floor at least once a wipe.

He’s been fairly tolerant of you and your growing skittishness thus far, but you can tell he’s been steadily reaching his limit of bullshit outbursts. 

This is temporary. The walls you’ve spent sweeps carefully crafting are crumbling at your feet with every night that goes by. You feel hot acid in the back of your throat, constantly, threatening to spill over if you sit still. You can’t relax, you can’t think, you can’t be anything more than what you are now, and what you are now is a fucking cleaning machine.

You've been aggressively scrubbing at his hunger trunk for hours, the stench of it filling your smell sponge and twisting your insides. You're almost certain at this point he just buys food as an excuse to get some moonlight, and then leaves it rotting in the back while he sustains himself on whatever sugar garbage he can get his claws on. How the fuck has he lived like this? He's lucky to have you.

SOLLUX: what the fuck are you doiing?

You jump a little, not expecting him up at this hour. Good god, how is he so quiet?  
  
KARKAT: UH, WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE SHITWRANGLER?

KARKAT: I'M TAKING CARE OF THIS PATHETIC EXCUSE OF A HUNGER TRUNK YOU HAVE.

KARKAT: I WOULD LIKE TO START USING IT FOR ITS INTENDED PURPOSE WITHOUT IT BECOMING A BIOHAZARD.

SOLLUX: no bulgebreath, ii meant what are you doiing up thii2 late

SOLLUX: ii've been heariing you 2cuttle around iin here for the pa2t two hour2. ju2t go two 2leep KK.

KARKAT: NO I'M NOT DONE.

You can feel the sharp crackle of electricity in the air as Sollux wrenches the sponge from your grip. You look back at him annoyed. He meets you with a similar expression of disdain, an exhausted grimace plastered on his face.  
  
SOLLUX: what the actual fuck ii2 your deal? becau2e ii know that you don't genuiinely want two 2tay up all day and clean my 2hiit.

KARKAT: WOW? PRESUMPTUOUS MUCH?

KARKAT: YOU DON'T KNOW JACK SHIT ABOUT HOW I WANT TO SPEND MY TIME.

KARKAT: MAYBE CLEANING IS MY NEW HOBBY! MAYBE I JUST WANT TO SPEND MY DAY REARRANGING YOUR CLOSET AND MOPPING UP MIND HONEY FROM YOUR FLOOR BECAUSE *YOU* CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO TAKE TEN FUCKING MINUTES FROM YOUR OH SO BUSY SCHEDULE TO DO IT YOURSELF!

KARKAT: LIKE, I ALREADY KNEW THAT YOU WERE AN INDOLENT WASTE OF ENERGY, BUT THIS IS JUST SAD.

KARKAT: SO NOW I'VE TAKEN IT UPON MYSELF TO MAKE SURE A NEW STRAIN OF POISONOUS FUCKING MOLD DOESN'T SPRING UP IN SOME GODFORSAKEN CORNER OF THIS HELLHOLE YOU CHOSE TO DWELL IN. YOU'RE WELCOME FOR THAT.

SOLLUX: oooh, more chiildii2h iin2ult2 from the 2leep depriived wiiggler.

SOLLUX: that really cut deep KK, ii don't know iif ii'll ever come back from that.

SOLLUX: ii mean iit'2 not liike ii've liived wiith my2elf for the pa2t 2iix 2weep2 and am acutely aware of my own repul2iive habiit2.

SOLLUX: oh WAiiT

SOLLUX: that'2 exactly what ii've been doiing! and would you look at that! ii'm completely fiine!

SOLLUX: iit'2 almo2t liike ii don't need 2omeone con2tantly hoveriing over me and telliing me exactly what ii'm doiing wrong all the damn tiime.

SOLLUX: ju2t a 2ec, ii need two call up makara and iinform hiim of thii2 2tunniing revelatiion. truly only the pure2t of bull2hiit miiriicle2 ever two 2hriivel up and diie at my feet.

SOLLUX: ju2t kiiddiing you couldn't pay me two wiilliingly talk two that panrotted joke.

SOLLUX: and a2 for you, you 2lurry 2niiffiing a22 lump, you can't ju2t keep doiing thii2.

KARKAT: WHAT? CLEANING? WELL IM SORRY IF MY BASIC DOMESTIC SKILLS MAKE YOU FEEL ASHAMED OF YOUR OWN INABILITY TO-

SOLLUX: oh my fuckiing god ii could NOT GiiVE LE22 OF A FE2TERiiNG 2HiiT ABOUT THAT!

SOLLUX: ii'm talking about your ba2iic iinabiiliity two chiill the fuck out. 

SOLLUX: liike what the entiire fuck are you even hopiing two accomplii2h riight now?

SOLLUX: you haven’t 2lept iin day2, you barely even look at me, and you’re actiing even more liike an obnoxiiou2 taiint 2crubber than u2ual.

SOLLUX: liike, ii appreciiate the attempt two 2tay out of my bu2iine22 whiile you’re here for whatever ungodly amount of tiime, but you need two cut the miicromanagiing b2 down.

SOLLUX: 2o can we cut the 2hiit already and quiit pretendiing thii2 ha2 anythiing at all two do wiith cleaniing and talk about whatever 2piiral you're goiing down riight now?

SOLLUX: you need two take care of your2elf man.

And then the damn breaks, the walls crumble, everything you had worked so hard to bury-to  _ crush  _ into nothingness-comes spewing out. 

KARKAT: OH MY GOD, CAN YOU EVEN COMPREHEND THE AMOUNT OF ASININE BULLSHIT SPEWING FROM YOUR WORD SPOUT RIGHT NOW?

KARKAT: NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU CAPTOR.

KARKAT: YOU'VE ALREADY SOMEHOW CONVINCED ME TO FUCKING SQUAT HERE WITH YOU, I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT NEED YOU TRYING TO GET ALL CONCILIATORY. IT MIGHT ALARM YOU, BUT I AM A FULLY FUNCTIONING TROLL WHO HAS GOTTEN BY JUST FINE FOR THE PAST SIX GODDAMN SWEEPS, I DON'T NEED OR WANT HELP IN REGARDS TO MY PHYSICAL OR MENTAL HEALTH IN THE SLIGHTEST.

KARKAT: THERE ARE LOTS OF REASONS WHY I’M CLEANING, AND NOT A SINGLE GODDAMN ONE HAS TO DUE WITH MY CURRENT MENTAL STATE OR THE AMOUNT OF SLEEP I’M GETTING WHICH IS, BY THE WAY, NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS YOU MISERABLE SLURRY STAIN.

KARKAT: FIRSTLY, I’M CLEANING BECAUSE YOUR HIVE IS A FUCKING TRAVESTY. 

KARKAT: EVERY MILLISECOND I SPEND IN THIS HELLHOLE MAKES MY SKIN CRAWL. THIS HIVE IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE.

KARKAT: I CANNOT EVEN BEGIN TO FATHOM HOW YOU LIVE WITH YOURSELF.

KARKAT: SECONDLY, I’M CLEANING BECAUSE I’M BORED.

KARKAT: NEWSFLASH ASSHOLE! WATCHING YOU MOPE ABOUT FOR ABOUT HALF THE DAY AND THEN SPEND THE REST COOPED UP IN YOUR BLOCK DOING GOD KNOWS WHAT ON YOUR HUSKTOP GETS REAL TEDIOUS REAL FAST.

KARKAT: AND FINALLY, I AM CLEANING BECAUSE FUCK YOU.

KARKAT: FUCK YOU FOR JUDGING THE ONLY THING I CAN CONTROL IN THIS PLACE.

KARKAT: FUCK YOU FOR LETTING YOUR HIVE GET TO THIS SORRY STATE. OH, AND JUST AS AN ADDENDUM:

KARKAT: FUCK.

KARKAT: FUCKING.

KARKAT: YOU.

As soon as the final word leaves you mouth, you hear a glass shatter on the countertop, scatting onto the floor. Lights flicker as a burning smell fills the air, acrid and raw. You can feel static dance across your flesh as Sollux’s glare bores into you from across the room. Regret pools in the pit of your gut as he stands there in icy silence. 

He doesn’t say anything for the longest time. Just… Looks at you, expression unreadable, red and blue leaking from his eye sockets, whirling around the base of his horns and the tips of his fingers.  
  
SOLLUX: ok.

SOLLUX: you want two 2iit here and 2ulk, fiine.

SOLLUX: hell, you want two drag your 2orry a22 out2iide and never come back? fiine. 

SOLLUX: but know whatever horriible, halfwiitted plan you come up wiith, ii want ab2olutely nothiing two do wiith iit.

SOLLUX: ii'm done karkat.

And just like that, he’s gone, marching right back to his block. You scramble after him, hopelessly trying to explain that you didn’t mean it, that you were being a dick, that you’re _ sorry _, but he’s having none of it.

His door slams in your face right as your reach his block.  
  
KARKAT: SOLLUX?

KARKAT: SOLLUX GOD *DAMMIT*!

KARKAT: I’M SORRY, I JUST-

KARKAT: UUUUUUGH!!!!

KARKAT: HOLY FUCKING SHIT PLEASE JUST OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!

You bang on the door to no avail. Sollux is dead to the world and you are completely dead to him. You feel your cheeks growing hot as half choked apologies spill frantically from your lips.

You crumple to the floor in sound defeat. Why the blistering fuck do you keep doing this to yourself? How hard is it not to be such a wretched tool literally all the time? You seem dedicated to making everything so difficult for yourself for no reason. You just push and push and push until everything comes crashing down around you. You do this to yourself, again and again, because in every fiber of your being believes that you don’t deserve to have a single fucking decent thing to happen to you. 

You could leave. You could just walk out the door and keep walking and never look back. You would never have to think about people you’ve constantly screwed over or lashed out at every again. Do it you stupid piece of shit. 

Just go. Move on. Stop inserting yourself in other people’s lives. Sollux had no idea what he was getting into when he let you crash here and you should have told him. Quit being so fucking selfish. Do the decent thing for once and just leave him alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank to those who beta read have a lovely evening yall!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which kanaya is once again the best person in the room

You barely catch a glimpse of him the next few days. He spends most nights out of his hive, god knows where. You quit trying to apologize or talk and just let him have his space. He lives in absolute indifference of you, not caring that you were apparently too spineless to leave. 

You’ve confined yourself to one of his mostly useless spare rooms, too confused and guilt ridden to even try to begin to smooth things over with him. 

Sollux has always been a unique case. You’ve never been able to figure out the right things to say to him, the seemingly innocuous setting him off at any moment. Hell, if anything he was usually the one to get you to calm down. But you really screwed the grub on this one. You had basically just flat out told him you couldn’t stand being here. There’s nothing you can say to fix the shredded fabric of your already tumultuous friendship. 

Well, you have one idea. But there is a very high chance it’ll end in you being reduced to nothing but a twitching pile of bright red meat.

You can hear footsteps echoing throughout his hive. The sound of the front door opening and locks clicking alert you to his most recent departure. You wait a few moments, then scurry over to his respiteblock. You hop onto his husktop and boot it up, dreading the sound of it's owners possible early return. You just needed a few minutes.

You aren't surprised but are still thoroughly frustrated to find a lock screen staring back at you. You briefly consider trying to crack it, then immediately throw that particular thought in the garbage and set it on fire, as it's a definite way to get Sollux to start actively plotting your death rather than just aggressively ignoring your presence once he inevitably notices the attempt. It probably has some convoluted privacy software on it anyway. 

You root around, looking for any spare palmhusk or tablet he might have tossed aside. You just needed to access the chat application. You find a cracked tablet buried deep in his closet, under a pile of various fried computer parts and old stained t-shirts. You mutter a short prayer under your breath as you press the power button, hoping that this thing still works.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering  grimAuxillatrix [GA]  
  
CG: HEY KANAYA, ARE YOU THERE?

CG: I REALLY REALLY NEED YOU TO BE THERE.

CG: I FUCKED UP, LIKE ROYALLY FUCKED UP.

CG: SHIT'S GONE COMPLETELY FUCKING SIDEWAYS AND I'VE MADE A TOTAL ASS OF MYSELF. WELL, MORE THAN USUAL.

CG: I'M LIKE, THE PRIME MINISTER OF ASSITUDE. ANY AND ALL SHIT IS BEING SPEWED FROM MY GAPING, VACUOUS WORD TRAP AND I COULDN'T GET IT TO STOP. IT'S LIKE THE WORLD'S WORST CASE OF VERBAL DIARRHEA, SHIT BEING DRIBBLED ALL DOWN MY FRONT AND ON DISPLAY FOR EVERY SCHMUCK TO SEE AND GAWK AT LIKE THE SECOND COMING OF TROLL CHRIST.

CG: I'M BARING MY SOUL PROSTRATE FOR THE FLEETING HOPE OF RIGHTEOUS JUDGEMENT SO THAT WHEN THE DAY COMES I CAN FINALLY BE LAID TO REST IN WHATEVER  DESTITUTE BACKWOOD NIGHTMARE THE UNIVERSE SEES FIT.

CG: PLEASE GRANT ME THIS ONE MORSEL OF RESPECT BEFORE I LEAVE YOU BE. I ABSOLUTELY NEED SOMEONE TO HEAR THIS, AND I NEED TO KNOW THAT THEY HEARD THIS, SO MY JACKASSERY IS ECHOED THROUGHOUT THE FARTHEST REACHES OF THE KNOWN UNIVERSE.

GA: You Know

GA: When I Returned Home Today I Was Expecting To Get Some Work Done

GA: Possibly Even Begin A Podcast I Have Been Looking Forward To Starting And Then Inevitably Quitting Because I Cannot Be Bothered To Pay Attention And Sew At The Same  Time

GA: But Imagine My Surprise 

GA: When I Boot Up My Dear Husktop

GA: Being Met With A Wall Of Grey Text Graphically Describing One Of The Most Repulsive Metaphor Imaginable

GA: From An Acquaintance I Had Long Presumed Dead Due To His Complete And Total Radio Silence When I Had Inquired To His Well Being Several Weeks Prior After A Well  Documented Drone Strike On His Hive

GA: But All Of That Sounds Preposterous Doesnt It

GA: The Idea That Someone Would Purposefully Intend For His Friends To Think Him Horribly Maimed And Crushed To A Pulp

GA: Only To Contact Them Out Of The Blue Just To Ask Them To Listen To Him Whine Like A Distressed Wiggler 

GA: Using Convoluted Metaphors And Prose To Explain Absolutely Nothing

GA: Unless That Was All Somehow Your Ill Conceived Attempt At An Apology

GA: In Which Case Youre Forgiveness Will Be Determined By The Outcome Of This Correspondence

CG: ALRIGHT OK I GET IT!

CG: I'M SORRY I DIDN'T TELL YOU I WAS OK, I GET IT, TOTAL DICK MOVE ON MY END.

CG: BUT IT'S NOT LIKE I DIDN'T WANT TO, I HAD GOOD REASON TO LEAVE YOU IN THE DARK MARYAM.

CG: IT WAS A TACTICAL DECISION.

GA: Oh? 

CG: YES ACTUALLY, SO DON'T ACT SO FUCKING SMUG ABOUT IT.

CG: I JUST NEEDED TO LAY LOW FOR A WHILE, IT WAS NOTHING PERSONAL.

CG: AND I STILL DO, SO DON'T GO BLABBING TO ANYONE ABOUT HEARING FROM ME, OK? I'M IN REAL DEEP SHIT HERE.

GA: Is That So

GA: You Have Also Been Spewing Some Shit As Well 

GA: If I Am Deciphering Your Lengthy Opening Correctly

CG: YES YOU ARE.

CG: ONCE AGAIN KARKAT VANTAS HAS SQUARELY SHOVED HIS STRUT POD SO FAR DOWN HIS MEAL TUNNEL HE COULD KICK HIS OWN ASS FROM THE INSIDE OUT.

GA: Sounds Serious

GA: Ill Do My Very Best To Give The Situation Its Appropriate Fanfare

GA: Although I Cannot Guarantee Anything More Charitable Than My

GA: Quote Characteristic Needless Snark Unquote 

CG: YEAH FAIR ENOUGH.

CG: LOOK, I’VE BEEN STAYING WITH TA FOR THE PAST FEW WEEKS 

GA: Mhm

CG: YEAH, YEAH, BIG FUCKING WHOOP, WHAT THE FUCK ELSE WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO?

CG: A LOT OF HIGH STAKES SHIT WAS GOING DOWN AND HE LET ME CRASH HERE.

CG: BECAUSE HE’S A HALF DECENT PERSON.

CG: A MAJOR LEAGUE ASSHOLE, YES, BUT DECENT NEVERTHELESS.

CG: ME ON THE OTHER HAND? A BURNING GARBAGE PILE PERSONIFIED. I AM CONSTANTLY BAFFLED AS TO HOW YOU ALL CAN EVEN STAND MY PRESENCE.

GA: I Find Myself Asking That Every Evening Into The Mirror

CG: SHUT UP I’M GROVELING HERE.

CG: LOOK, I’VE HAVEN'T BEEN THE MOST PLEASANT HIVEMATE LATELY.

CG: HE LET ME LIVE WITH HIM COMPLETELY OF HIS OWN VOLITION WITHOUT EXPECTING ANYTHING BACK, AND WHAT DO I DO?

CG: I ACT LIKE A SELFISH DICK. BECAUSE I AM ONE. 

CG: THE ONE TIME HE ISN’T SO UP HIS OWN RANCID NOOK ABOUT EVERYTHING AND I HAVE TO GO AND BLOW IT BACK IN HIS FACE LIKE A WORLD CLASS DOUCHE.

GA: What Happened

CG: IN LAYMAN'S TERMS?

CG: I BASICALLY TOLD HIM I FOUND HIM AND HIS LIVING HABITS REVOLTING AND I HATE BEING HERE.

CG: WHICH LIKE, I DO, BUT I WASN’T-

CG: I DIDN’T-

CG: IT WASN’T LIKE THAT, OK?

CG: KANAYA, I’M SO FUCKING TIRED. I AM SO COMPLETELY AND UNRESERVEDLY DRAINED RIGHT DOWN TO EACH AND EVERY ATOM OF MY BEING.

CG: BUT THAT DOESN’T EXCUSE ME BEING A JERK. NOTHING DOES.

CG: AND I DON’T KNOW HOW TO FIX IT.

CG: AND I CAN'T EVEN START IF HE WON'T GIVE ME A CHANCE!

GA: Well

GA: Im Glad Youre Self Aware Enough To Recognize How Awful Youve Been At Least In Some Capacity

CG: GEE THANKS.

GA: Youre Welcome

GA: Im Also Quite Pleased To See Actively Trying To Change This Behavior As Opposed To Lamenting About It Ad Infinitum Unlike Some People 

CG: UH, OK?

CG: ARE YOU GOOD? BECAUSE IT REALLY SEEMS LIKE YOU’RE VAGUING ABOUT SOMEONE RIGHT NOW.

GA: Wow

GA: Would You Look At That

GA: Its Time For Us To Deter Away From That Particular Branch Of Conversation And Never Bring It Up Again

GA: And Instead Bring Our Collective Attention Back To The Original Topic Which Was About You Being Completely Inept At Apologies

CG: HEY, I WOULDN’T SAY *COMPLETELY*-

GA: I Would

GA: Moving On

GA: Have You Tried Speaking With Him Recently

CG: NO.

CG: WELL, IVE *TRIED* BUT HE’S NOT HAVING IT.

CG: IF HE WASN'T TAKING THIS SO DAMN PERSONALLY IT WOULD ALREADY BE OVER WITH.

CG: GOD, AND I THOUGHT I WAS DRAMATIC.

CG: HE WON'T EVEN FUCKING LOOK AT ME, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BURY THE HATCHET IF ITS LODGED SO DEEP UP HIS NOOK?

GA: You See

GA: Therein Lies Your Problem

GA: Where Youre Blaming Him For Being Too Sensitive

GA: When In Fact Youre Just Not Recognizing The Severity Of The Line You Have Crossed

GA: Its Just That

GA: I Can Tell That An Attempt To Be Sincere And Remorseful Is Here

GA: But You Have A Way Of Conveying It Which Sounds Like You Are Blaming The Other Party As Well

GA: Can I Ask You Something

CG: SHOOT.

GA: Has He Been Ignoring You

GA: Or Have You Been Avoiding Him

CG: ....

CG: SON OF A BITCH.

GA: There It Is

GA: At The End Of The Night This Isn't Really Something You Can Force

GA: All You Can Really Do Is Try To Convey Your Realest And Deepest Sentiments

GA: Try And Understand Him

GA: And Even After That I Doubt He Will Be Ready To Forgive You

GA: And Thats Ok

GA: Because This Isnt About You

GA: Repeat That

GA: Like A Mantra

CG: DO I HAVE TO?

GA: Yes

CG: ALRIGHT FINE.

CG: NO MATTER HOW MUCH MY ENGORGED EGO MAY TRY AND CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE, THIS IS NOT AND HAS NEVER AT ANY POINT BEEN ABOUT ME, A MASSIVE JACKASS.

GA: Why Are You Like This

GA: Just

GA: Tell Me How It Goes

CG: WELL IT'S NOT LIKE I CAN DO IT NOW.

CG: HE LEFT HIS HIVE LIKE THREE FUCKING HOURS AGO AND

CG: WAIT

CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS

CG: WHAT THE ***FUCK***

CG: SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!!!!

CG: I GOTTA GO  
  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering  grimAuxillatrix [GA]

GA: What

GA: Karkat Are You There

GA: Oh Fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> imma keep it real with you guys it was not supposed to be this deep but here we are in it for the long haul wooo comments are appreciated happy holidays nerds


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: someone straight the fuck up gets beat to death but its not an important character proceed at your own will m8  
the anime redemption arc we've all been waiting for

While the imperial drones are known as Alternia’s most terrifying legal enforcement, not too far down the list would be the helmsmanhunters. A squadron organized for the explicit purpose of tracking and capturing promising young psionics to enlist them as batteries for Her Imperious Condescension’s fleet, they were quite nasty little shits. A living nightmare for most goldbloods, the hunters spend their nights stalking the slums and sugrubs of the planet, hoping to find any poor soul off their guard and alone.

Or to just blow some shit up and hope for the best.

The room shakes violently as a deafening explosion tries its damnest to rupture your eardrums. You cut your conversation with Kanaya short, slamming the husktop lid down and sprinting over to the window to asses the mayhem.

Holy shitting fuckmaggots.

It’s goddamn troll Ragnarok down there. A few buildings away, a hivestem has been reduced to ash. The others surrounding it aren’t far from the same fate, sporting brand new ragged holes in their foundations, all in a brilliant blaze like a midnight sun. Screams echo through the night as trolls are scooped up from their ruined hives by the dozens. You feel your chest tighten for what feels like the upteenth time as you look on in horror. 

You notice a sleek silver ship level itself to the hive parallel to yours. Oh, this was not going to end well.

Massive plasma cannons unearth themselves from the bowls of the crafts inner workings, a piercing hum somehow audible over the pandemonium. You won’t lie, you don’t know dick about these things, but you know enough that you should probably get the fuck away from the window. You duck into Sollux’s closet and scramble back to its farthest corner, waiting for-

And there it is.

The sound of shattering glass and the evening’s billionth explosion fill your head when the cannons go off, filling every single one of your senses and rattling your pan as the room trembles, much harder than before. Your head throbs as you sit alone and terrified in the dark, wondering how in the  _ fuck  _ it came to all this.

Footsteps. The crackling of glass as someone or something slowly stalks its way through the block. 

You hold your breath, don’t think, don’t make a sound, you do not fucking exist.

They stop in front of the door.

_ Shit. _

Ok you have two fucking seconds to figure out what to do. You wait for the ball to drop, for that handle to fucking twitch, and you’ll-

You don’t know what the hell you’ll do but you’re out of time and out of options.

The door swings open right as you unequip your sickle and you fucking lunge. 

You collide with the dark figure’s legs and don’t waste any time, swinging your weapon wildly at their lower half. It’s a blur, limbs colliding, a knee hitting your gut and you taste copper. You scream, throaty and raw. You are so fucking petrified. You aren’t a person right now, you are a ball of anxiety and terror. You are so far beyond petrified, you can’t  _ stop _ . You’re body is shaking, your breath is ragged and your heart feels like it’s going to tear through your torso like a goddamn chestburster with every blow you take.

Your head hits the floor and you can hear them laughing, that fucker. This is a game to them, you’re nothing more than just a goddamn joke. A million different bits and pieces of your being scream at you a hundred different directions-  _ give up, cry, scream, bite, _ \- but the loudest of them all told you to be afraid. And you leaned into it, held onto it and let your panic envelop you.

When they hit you hit back, you don’t have time for pain or thinking, you just keep clawing and scratching and fighting, long after your adversary grows more and more desperate, long after they fell to the floor with frantic breathes and growls in the back of their throat, long after the grow cold and still, deep blue staining you claws and your weapon, your face and your shirt. All you can see is red as tears fill your eyes and slip down your cheeks, you’re shaking on the floor, they’re dead, they are fucking dead and you killed them and it feels  _ good _ , the realness of it all; the sharp metallic scent in the air, the sound of your primal shrieks blending with the choas outside.

You feel arms wrap around you, dragging you up, and you are just so fucking tired you let it happen, let whatever the hell is about to you transpire so you can finally fucking rest. 

You’re dragged down the hall to a block in the back and shoved roughly inside. You slide down the wall as your companion slams the door behind you both.

KARKAT: IF YOU’RE GOING TO CULL ME COULD YOU MAKE IT QUICK? I’M KIND OF OVER THE WHOLE ‘SHATTERED BELLOWSAC ENCLOSURES’ THING AND MY PAN FEELS LIKE IT’S ON FUCKING FIRE SO DEATH IS REALLY PREFERABLE TO-

SOLLUX: 2HUT THE FUCK UP!

You look up in shock as Sollux sprints over to the far window, quickly covering them with curtains while muttering wildly under his breath. The room is bathed in darkness as Sollux grabs your arm again and drags you to the farthest wall. He starts banging and scratching at random indents in the on its surface but right as you begin to wonder if he's finally fucking lost it, a massive portion of the steel wall swings forward, about seven feet in length and height. He promptly shoves you in and follows slamming the secret door behind him.

A creeping sense of deja vu settles onto you as you both wait in agonizing silence for the chaos to calm down outside of the shared, cramped bunker. Minutes turn to hours as you listen to Sollux's shallow breaths. You feel light-headed, something is  _ definitely _ broken and you hugging your knees to your chest isn't helping in the slightest. 

God this is fucking insufferable. You need to say something, anything. Holy shit, why is your mouth so dry? You cough a few times and try to get your shit together long enough to form a coherent sentence.

KARKAT: SO-

SOLLUX: ii don't want two hear iit. 

Fuck. 

KARKAT: I REALLY THINK-

Sollux lets out a sharp huff and turns to face you, those fucked up pupiless eyes narrowed in annoyance. He lowers his voice to a hoarse whisper.

SOLLUX: hey a22hole, you really want two do thii2? riight now? riight at thii2 very fuckiing moment?

KARKAT: YES!

SOLLUX: god fuckiing-

SOLLUX: fiine! we're doiing thii2! 2trap the fuck iin cau2e iit'2 about two get all kiind2 of uncomfortable level2 of reconciiliiatory iin here. 

Oh. Ok, so this is happening. You take a deep breath and let the proverbial backed up emotional upchuck start spilling from your face.

KARKAT: OK SO LOOK, I KNOW I'VE BEEN A GRADE A FIVE STAR SHITHEAD THE PAST COUPLE OF WEEKS. 

KARKAT: AND FURTHERMORE, I KNOW THAT ME BEGGING FOR FORGIVENESS AND KISSING YOUR ASS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE UP FOR THE AFOREMENTIONED SHITTINESS.

KARKAT: I GET THAT, AND I AM TOTALLY FINE WITH IT.

KARKAT: I ALSO CAN'T PROMISE THAT I WON'T CONTINUE TO BE A GLOBE FONDLING BARF PUPPET IN THE FUTURE.

SOLLUX: gee what a great apology.

KARKAT: COULD YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP? I'M NOT DONE.

KARKAT: AND SEE THAT RIGHT THEN? WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? 

KARKAT: COMPLETELY UNCALLED FOR IS WHAT.

KARKAT: BUT I WANT TO DO BETTER. I WANT TO *BE* BETTER.

KARKAT: BUT I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHERE TO START.

KARKAT: BUT I KNOW YOU DESERVE BETTER. YOU DESERVE A BETTER HIVEMATE, AND YOU SURE AS HELL DESERVE A BETTER FRIEND. 

KARKAT: AND I WANT TO BE THAT FRIEND.

KARKAT: AND YOU CAN BE MAD AT ME ALL YOU WANT, MY NEVERENDING RIVER OF ARDENT BULLSHIT MORE THAN WARRANTS SCORN, BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW-

KARKAT: I NEED YOU TO KNOW THAT I'M SORRY.

You relapse back into your awkward silence, letting everything set in.

SOLLUX: ...

SOLLUX: ok.

KARKAT: OK? THAT'S...IT?

SOLLUX: what else i2 there?

KARKAT: WELL-

KARKAT: DON'T YOU WANT TO SAY ANYTHING? ANYTHING AT ALL?

SOLLUX: no, not really.

SOLLUX: you were a diick, you apologiized, and now we're here.

SOLLUX: not much room two expand on thii2 partiicular topiic.

KARKAT: WELL, DO YOU STILL HATE ME?

SOLLUX: what? no holy FUCK.

SOLLUX: what are we, three?

SOLLUX: iif ii held that deep of a grudge everytiime you went off we would liiterally never 2peak.

SOLLUX: ii got over iit liike a few hour2 later, you were the one who wa2 2o iin2ii2tant on punii2hiing your2elf. 

KARKAT: OH.

KARKAT: SO...WE'RE GOOD?

SOLLUX: ii'm

SOLLUX: not sure

SOLLUX: ii mean liike yeah ii don't really giive a 2hiit but

SOLLUX: well you already 2aid iit 

SOLLUX: you need two do better.

SOLLUX: but on the other hand ii know ii've al2o been a moody fuckpod 2o 

SOLLUX: gue22 that'2 2omethiing ii 2hould 2tart trying two work on.

KARKAT: HUH. I GUESS WE'RE BOTH DOUCHEBAGS.

SOLLUX: you THiiNK?

SOLLUX: but idk KK, thii2 ii2 all 2o fuckiing arbiitrary ii ju2t...

KARKAT: WELL, I MIGHT HAVE AN IDEA THAT DOESN'T COMPLETELY SUCK.

SOLLUX: oh yeah?

KARKAT: HOW ABOUT YOU ACTUALLY TAKE CARE OF YOUR HIVE EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE.

KARKAT: AND I'LL...

KARKAT: I'LL SLEEP IN YOUR SHITTY COCOON. THERE, HAPPY?

SOLLUX: yeah, ii gue22 that could work.

KARKAT: COOL.

KARKAT: HEY, WHEN WE FINALLY CRAWL OUT OF THIS SHIT HOLE YOU WANT TO PLAY SOME TROLL MARIO KART?

SOLLUX: yeah 2ure, but only iif you don't fliip your 2hiit.

KARKAT: WHAT? WHY WOULD I FLIP MY SHIT?

SOLLUX: becau2e you're the 2ore2t lo2er thii2 2iide of the galaxy.

KARKAT: OH FUCK THAT NOISE, I AM AN EXCELLENT AND AMICABLE LOSER SO YOU CAN SHOVE THAT SENTIMENT RIGHT UP YOUR NOOK!

SOLLUX: you broke my fuckiing controller, or are we ju2t going two 2hove that partiicular iinciident under the rug ehehehe.

KARKAT: THAT WAS AN ISOLATED SITUATION AND YOU FUCKING KNOW IT!

SOLLUX: how many keyboard2 have you gone through agaiin?

KARKAT: SHUT UP!

You never considered that your evening would end in you putting your best friend in a choke hold while your both locked crammed inside of his unbelievably shitty makeshift crawlspace (hiding hole? What the fuck do you even call this thing), but it's much preferable to the alternatives, i.e. you being culled, him still hating you, both of those things happening, ect. You eventually make your way out a few minutes later, as the night's bullshit has finally settled down, the last few fires dying in the bitter wind. Sollux goes to hop on his husktop to bug Kanaya for her hive building equipment so he could take care of the gaping hole in his respiteblock's wall. He takes a moment to eye the bloody corpse collapsed on his floor and shoots you a surprised look.

SOLLUX: holy 2hiit.

KARKAT: WELL WHAT THE FUCK ELSE WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO?

SOLLUX: no ii don't care about hiim.

SOLLUX: ii ju2t diidn't thiink you had iit iin you.

KARKAT: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

SOLLUX: nothiing FUCK ii't2 not that deep man.

SOLLUX: ju2t go to22 your clothe2 iin the wa2her and take a 2hower, you got blood everywhere. ii'll take care of thii2 diip2hiit.

KARKAT: HOW?

He answers the question by effortlessly lifting up the body with his psionics and launching it out of the hole in the wall at top speed. You don't even see it land.

SOLLUX: boom. 2omeone el2e'2 problem.

KARKAT: WAS THAT NECESSARY? 

SOLLUX: no but iit wa2 cool a2 fuck.

You let out an indignant snort and he chuckles, amused by your exasperation. He's right though, it's someone else's problem now. You follow Sollux's advice and freshen up in the ablution trap, scrubbing dried blood and viscera from your skin. You notice a change of clean clothes on top of the counter after you get out.

When you make it back to the respiteblock Sollux is still fiddling with his husktop. You take a minute to look over the damage to his block. You wonder how many times he’s had to deal with this shit. He waves you away when you try and get a look over his shoulder. You don't think you're going through with the whole gaming session, but you're fine with that. You're so fucking tired.

You crawl into the red half of the cocoon, feeling whatever little energy you have left quickly drain out. You let the warm sopor wash over your skin. Your joints feel loose and your head feels fuzzy. This is nice, but a question still itches at the back of your mind.

KARKAT: HEY SOLLUX?

SOLLUX: what?

KARKAT: HOW DID YOU KNOW TO COME BACK HERE?

SOLLUX: KN told me.

KARKAT: WAIT, WHAT? SHE TOLD YOU?

SOLLUX: 2he diidn't have two. ii wa2 readiing over her 2houlder.

KARKAT: YOU WERE AT HER FUCKING HIVE?

SOLLUX: ehehehe, where the hell el2e would ii be?

He cackles into his hand, an extremely amused expression on his face. You submerge yourself even deeper into the sopor, the thick substance coming up to your nose as you grumble to yourself. Sollux kicks off from his desk and rolls towards you in his dumbass gamer chair, extending an arm to good naturedly ruffle your hair. He then not so good naturedly shoves your head under the sopor. 

You'll have plenty of time to be mad at him later. Every sound grows dull and distant as your vision grows foggy, the bright red of the oxygenized sopor growing duller with each passing moment. God, who even thinks of dyeing their sopor? Just another thing on a growing list of shit you're too tired to be petty about.

You hear him crawl into the other half of the cocoon. He mutters a good night, muffled by weariness. The light clicks off and all grows still, the only noises the quiet buzzing of Sollux's bees and the diminishing sounds of the usual bedlam out in the city with the coming dawn. It's like time has been frozen, and any movement might shatter this fleeting feeling of calm in your head. You don't think you've actually been this chill in your life, come to think of it. 

Wait...no,  _ no _ that- you're not- he's not- you  _ can't- _

_ SHIT. _

_ Are you fucking pale for him? _

KARKAT: SON OF A BITCH!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bonding: getting rid of a body together. peak friendship  
thank you for making it this far dont forget to comment i live off validation from strangers have a lovely day


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi i remembered this after 6 months and fuck it i wanna see it to its end please enjoy  
edit: chapter edited to fix POV sorry if you were forced to read 3rd person

KANAYA: This Is A Little Impressive If Im Being Completely Honest

She picks up a small piece of rubble to inspect while she examines the gaping hole in Sollux’s wall. Another chunk unceremoniously crumbles off and falls to the ground far below. Sollux gives an annoyed snort for an answer.  
  
SOLLUX: yeah iit2 2uper fuckiing iimpre22iive.

SOLLUX: 2o glad thii2 2hiit happened ii my goddamn re2piite block of all place2.

SOLLUX: ii ju2t love nearly beiing roa2ted aliive when the 2un 2hiine2 through iit whiile iim tryiing two 2leep.

SOLLUX: ju2t 2uper exciited for some jacka22 two try and break iin here two try and jack my 2hiit.

KARKAT: WE GET THE POINT JACKASS.

Kanaya lets out a soft giggle, swiftly standing from the floor. She brushes the debris from her skirt and turns to address Sollux, a slightly more grave expression on her face.

KANAYA: Well

KANAYA: The Good News Is This Should Be Relatively Easy To Fix 

KANAYA: Vriska Owes Me A Favor As Usual 

KANAYA: Im Certain I Should Be Able To Wrestle Her Portable Architectural Alchemiter From Her Claws With Little Issue

KANAYA: But There Is A Bigger Issue On Our Fronds That Should Be Considered That Might As Well Render All That Effort For Naught In The Long Run If I Am Being Candid 

SOLLUX: 2uch a2?

KANAYA: Well Frankly 

KANAYA: I Dont Think Its Such A Good Idea For You Two To Stay Here

Sollux cocks an eyebrow, giving Kanaya a look of incredulity. What in fuck’s sake is she going on about?

SOLLUX: KN

SOLLUX: what iin fuck2 2ake are you goiing on about? 

KARKAT: YEAH, I SECOND THAT PARTICULAR LINE OF QUESTIONING.

KARKAT: WHY WOULD WE HAVE TO LEAVE?

KANAYA: Well Simply Put

KANAYA: You Both Have Bright Flashing Targets On Your Backs Now

KANAYA: Karkat For

KANAYA: Obvious Reasons

She gestures vaguely in your general direction. If there were ever a poster child for cullbait, you'd be the spitting image. You offer her a painfully disingenuous smile and quickly flip her off. This all serves to further prove her point.

KANAYA: See What I Mean

KANAYA: And As For You Sollux 

KANAYA: You Have Landed Yourself A Fairly Prime Seat On The Helmsmanhunters List 

KANAYA: Theyll Be Back

KANAYA: Most Likely Sooner Rather Than Later Considering Their Most Recent Attempt

KANAYA: You Probably Have A Week 

KANAYA: Maybe Less 

Sollux’s face darkens as he considers Kanaya’s words. He slowly paces his block, weighing his options. His eerie, pupiless eyes rest on you, his face slowly shifting to an almost unreadable emotion. But you can feel the concern.

SOLLUX: ok

SOLLUX: KN, ii get what youre 2ayiing, but ii2nt iit a liitle fuckiing dramatiic?

SOLLUX: ii mean, the only per2on who 2aw hii2 face wa2 beaten two a bloody pulp and launched out the buiildiing at mach 2peed2.

SOLLUX: contrary two popular beliief, we arent complete bulge 2crub2, we can handle a couple of power hungry iidiiot2 wiith biig dream2 of 2erviing the empiire and 2uckiing off her iimperiiou2 aggravatiion.

KANAYA: I Didnt Mean To Insinuate That You Couldnt Take Care Of Yourselves 

KANAYA: Im Just Concerned About How Long You Will Be Able To Maintain Your Current Precarious Situation

KANAYA: I Mean

KANAYA: How Long Until Your Hivestem Is Completely Leveled 

KANAYA: There Is Only So Much Small Hive Renovations Can Do 

KANAYA: I Just Dont Think That Your Current Situation Is Sustainable

Sollux opens his mouth to respond, but your abrupt retort quickly cuts him off.

KARKAT: WOW! WHAT A GREAT IDEA MARYAM.

KARKAT: JUST FUCKING TOP NOTCH. AWARD WORTHY IN FACT.

KARKAT: WHY DON’T WE UPROOT OURSELVES IN BROAD MOONLIGHT AND PLOP OUR ASSES IN SOME BURNED OUT SHELL OF SOMEONE’S OBLITERATED SUGRUB.

KARKAT: OR BETTER YET, WHY DON’T WE JUST LIVE LIKE A PACK OF FERAL OLIVEBLOODS AND MOVE TO THE MIDDLE OF THE WILDERNESS COMPLETELY ISOLATED FROM SOCIETY.

KARKAT: IT’S BRILLIANT!!! WE CAN SHIT IN HOLES, BATHE IN STAGNANT WATER AND EAT POISONOUS DAYSHADE BERRIES. 

KARKAT: I, FOR ONE, SIMPLY CANNOT WAIT TO VIOLENTLY PUKE UP MY OWN ACID TUBES AND PASS OUT IN A PUDDLE OF MY OWN FLUIDS.

KANAYA: Karkat

KANAYA: Would You Mind Sparing Us The Theatrics 

KANAYA: I Was Actually Going To Suggest You Move In With Me 

You stop mid-rant, then quickly compose yourself.

KARKAT: OH.

KARKAT: I SEE.

KANAYA: I Figured It Would Be The Most Logical Option

KANAYA: Drone Strikes Rarely Happen Way Out In The Sand Wastes

KANAYA: On Account Of The Fact That Nothing Can Survive Out There Long Enough To Warrant A Proper Culling 

KANAYA: The Only Real Danger Would Be The Occasional Horde Of The Undead Which I Am More Than Capable Of Handling 

KARKAT: WELL WHAT ABOUT THE HEAT, WISEASS?

Kanaya shoots you a glare so withering it would have caused much weaker willed trolls to immediately soil themselves in shame. You get the message and promptly shut your trap.

KANAYA: I Was Getting To That

KANAYA: I Have A Few Interior Blocks In My Hive That Could Easily Be Fashioned Into Living Quarters For The Both Of You 

KANAYA: So That Your Flesh Can Stay Nice And Unfried 

KANAYA: Which I Personally Think Sounds Like A Good Deal But Thats Just Me

KANAYA: So What Do You Think

Kanaya looks to Sollux expantly, eyes shining with anticipation. He lets out a long, defeated sigh and slumps down into his gamer chair. Really, what can he say? Kanaya’s argument is airtight. Staying in the city is essentially suicide, especially with the steadily climbing cull rates. You're sitting quackbeasts up here. The floor of his hive rattles slightly, the punctuation to that point. Someone’s hive just went up in flames.

Sollux pinches the bridge of his nose and drags his hand slowly down his gaunt, tired face. He’s making this happen.

SOLLUX: uuuuuuuuuuuugh.

SOLLUX: FIINE. 

SOLLUX: well take a 2uttlecaravan out two the fuckiing 2tiick2 iin about a wiipe or 2o.

SOLLUX: but you gotta be ab2olutely 200 percent certaiin about thii2 KN, you do realiize youll fiind your2elf the reciipiient of the planet2 mo2t neurotiic, tiighta22ed hiivemate, riight?

KARKAT: I CAN FUCKING HEAR YOU??

KANAYA: Oh I Am Well Aware

KANAYA: And More Than Willing To Take Up The Mantle If It Means Ensuring My Friends Wellbeing

KANAYA: I Actually Have A Case Of Hearing Nub Blockers If He Decides To Regale Us With His Most Recent Rage Fueled Movie Review

KARKAT: RIGHT HERE! 

KARKAT: I AM STANDING RIGHT HERE, NOT TWO FUCKING FEET AWAY FROM YOU SMUG BASTARDS.

KARKAT: WHICH, MIGHT I ADD, IS MORE THAN CLOSE ENOUGH FOR SOME CHOICE BITING.

Kanaya brings her hand to her chest in mock surprise, Sollux letting out an obnoxious snicker behind her.

KANAYA: Why Karkat

KANAYA: You Wouldnt Dare

KARKAT: OH, DO NOT TEST ME.

KARKAT: I AM MORE THAN READY, ABLE, AND FUCKING WILLING TO BECOME PHYSICAL IF IT MEANS DEFENDING MY HONOR.

KARKAT: I AM AN EXCELLENT HIVE GUEST.

Sollux’s muffled giggles quickly morph into a horrid choked laugh as he pitifully tries to keep his amusement under wraps.

KARKAT: OH? AND WHAT EXACTLY IS SO GODDAMN FUNNY SHITBULGE? 

KARKAT: AT LEAST I’M NOT AS FUCKING REPREHENSIBLE AS YOU.

KARKAT: YOU CAN WALK FIVE FEET IN ANY DIRECTION IN THIS DUMP FROM ANY STARTING POINT AND FIND YOURSELF TRIPPING OVER A PILE OF DIRTY LAUNDRY AND THAT DISGUSTING SLUDGE YOU SO UNCEREMONIOUSLY DUBBED “GAMER FUEL.”

KARKAT: GO TO HELL.

SOLLUX: ok fiir2t of all 2lurry guzzler dont even fuckiing briing up clothe2 2iince youve been weariing the exact 2ame one2 your de2perate a22 came here wiith.

KARKAT: I'M SORRY, DID IT NOT FUCKING OCCUR TO YOU THAT ALL OF MY SPARE CLOTHES WERE OBLITERATED IN A VIOLENT BOMBING???

SOLLUX: diid iit not fuckiing occur two you two 2iimply a2k for a change of clothe2???? ii own 2weatpant2 moron.

SOLLUX: and 2econdly ii wa2nt laughiing at your hiivekeepiing 2kiil2

SOLLUX: ii wa2 laughiing at the fact that you thiink you could wiithiin any realm of thii2 liife or the next take more or KN iin a fiight.

KARKAT: I COULD TOO! 

KANAYA: No You Could Not

KARKAT: NAME ONE REASON.

Kanaya huffs, and extracts a tube of lipstick from her sylledex and dutifully applies and extra coat to her already pitch black lips. The sound of a revving engine suddenly slices through the still night air as her chainsaw ripped and snarled beside her, sharp blades a blur of motion and power. She locks eyes with you, daring you to say anything else on the matter. 

KARKAT: TWO REASONS.

Unfortunately for your poor, stubborn ass, you are easily lured into the most obvious of traps, like a trout's first encounter with a fisherman's bait. 

Sollux's psionics suddenly wrap tight around you, binding you to the spot. You can't move a muscle, save for the frantic twitching of your eyes. Another invisible hand grabs your waistband and jerkily yanks your boxers right up the crack of your ass and over your head. A certified atomic wedgie. you'll almost certainly have some sort of friction burn from this.

Sollux lets go of you and watches with amusement as his so-called friend topples to the floor and screams in confusion, as you desperately trying to dislodge the offending garment, to no avail. There is no coming back from this.

Kanaya watches your pathetic, panic-fueled wriggling as well, pursing her lips in sadistic enjoyment for a moment. The feeling quickly fades, and she packs up her strife specibus and gives Sollux a curt nod as she turns to leave, letting him deal with the inevitable tantrum to follow. With her footsteps fading as she exits his hive, Sollux turns his attention towards you.

SOLLUX: ii2 the dumb larvae fiinii2hed embarra22ing hiim2elf or doe2 he need two go two bed now?

A stream of expletives too heinous to repeat spew from your mouth, accompanied with a trail of hot spittle. You've successfully dislodged your underpants from your head and try side sweeping Sollux's legs to drag him down to your level. It has no effect. He steps over your still floundering torso to leave the room.

SOLLUX: when youre done 2oiiliing your2elf iin 2hame you can come joiin the re2t of u2 iin poliite 2ociiety.

It's three quiet hours before Sollux hears the familiar stomps of your loudass footsteps creeping up behind him. Without looking, he tosses a controller behind him and silently pats the seat next to him on the loungeplank. You collapse next to him and get comfortable, sitting crosslegged, subconsciously trying to make yourself as small as possible. It's cute, in a pitiable way. The TV's speaking hammer away as bass boosted gunshots reverberate within them. You spot a few open storage bins on the ground a couple feet away from Sollux, seemingly having been dragged from the storage closet. Some unidentifiable but probably worthless items have already been chucked in there haphazardly. You clear your throat and turn towards Sollux.

KARKAT: SO.

KARKAT: YOU'RE REALLY GOING TROUGH WITH THIS?

SOLLUX: why wouldnt ii?

KARKAT: I DON'T KNOW! 

KARKAT: BUT WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT YOUR DUMBASS LUSUS?

The ceiling rumbles to punctuate your point. Sollux looks up with annoyance.

SOLLUX: fuck ii dont know???

SOLLUX: he2 already 2uch a fuckiing ha22le two deal wiith on a good day.

SOLLUX: and there2 no way iill be able two briing hiim out two KN2 wiithout an iinordiinate amount of bull2hiit fuckiing iit up on the way there.

SOLLUX: ii miight ju2t have two... 

SOLLUX: ii gotta leave hiim here

KARKAT: WAIT WHAT?

SOLLUX: oh dont even fuckiing 2tart wiith me KK.

SOLLUX: thered be no room for hiim! plu2 he2 two 2tupiid two be left out2iide two hii2 own deviice2.

SOLLUX: iidk iif iid be able two keep up my apiiculture network out there two make the miind honey he need2.

SOLLUX: diid ii mentiion how fuckiing 2tupiid he ii2?

SOLLUX: 2eriiou2ly the neanderthal would walk riight off the roof of thii2 complex iif he wa2nt phy2iically chaiined two iit.

KARKAT: OK YEAH I GET YOUR POINT.

KARKAT: THE FRUIT DOESN'T FALL FAR FROM THE BARK STEM.

SOLLUX: choke on my bulge and diie.

KARKAT: BUT ARE YOU REALLY JUST GONNA LEAVE HIM HERE? TOSS HIM OUT LIKE LAST WEEK'S ROTTING TAKEOUT?

Sollux thinks for a moment.

SOLLUX: yeah iim cool wiith that.

KARKAT: OH MY GOD.

SOLLUX: look iit2 not liike ii dont care about the dummy.

SOLLUX: iit ju2t 

SOLLUX: iit iisnt po22iible riight now.

Sollux sets his jaw and turns his attention back towards the screen, although you both know there are other things on his mind. The ceiling creaks again, his lusus growing agitated. You bite your lip and try a different angle.

KARKAT: WELL

KARKAT: DO YOU WANT TO SAY GOODBYE?

SOLLUX: what??

KARKAT: WELL, NOT TO SOUND INVESTED OR INTERESTED IN YOUR PERSONAL LIFE LIKE SOME FUCKING JACKASS WITH NOTHING BETTER TO DO.

KARKAT: AND OBVIOUSLY WE DON'T HAVE TO DO IT RIGHT NOW.

KARKAT: BUT IT MIGHT BE A DECENT IDEA TO LIKE, HAVE SOME CLOSURE? 

KARKAT: I MEAN, IF I HAD KNOWN MY CUSTODIAN WAS ABOUT TO COME TO A SUDDEN AND BRUTAL END, I THINK I WOULD HAVE TAKEN THE TIME TO BE SLIGHTLY LESS OF A LESS OF A MELODRAMATIC ASSHOLE TO HIM, YOU KNOW?

KARKAT: MAYBE SPEND WHAT SOME PEOPLE REFER TO AS ACTUAL "QUALITY TIME" WITH THE IDIOT FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE.

KARKAT: SURE HE WAS A COLOSSAL DICK A MAJORITY OF THE TIME AND OFTEN DRAGGED IN RAW MEAT AND/OR LITERAL SHIT.

KARKAT: BUT HE TRIED. AND I MISS HIM, IN SOME STRANGE, DETACHED WAY.

KARKAT: AND ON THE MINISCULE CHANCE THAT YOUR SHRIVELED, BLACKENED BLOOD PISHER MAY CONTAIN ANY CAPACITY FOR LOVE OR GENUINE EMOTIONAL CONNECTION TO ANOTHER LIVING BEING, YOU'LL PROBABLY MISS YOURS. 

Your hand hovers by Sollux's slumped shoulders for just a moment, an attempt at a moment of some sort of actual connection, but quickly shoots back to your lap in fear.

SOLLUX: ok

SOLLUX: a2iide from your 2cathiing unwarranted comment2 concerniing my mental facultiie2 ii 2ee your poiint. 

SOLLUX: iill talk two hiim later.

KARKAT: OK, COOL.

KARKAT: DO YOU WANT ME TO COME?

SOLLUX: fuck no.

SOLLUX: no offen2e KK but you beiing there would iin2tantly 2nuff out any amount of 2iinceriity ii miight be able two mu2ter up.

KARKAT: WOW.

KARKAT: OK. 

KARKAT: YOU KNOW, JUST BECAUSE YOU SLAP NO OFFENSE IN FRONT OF A SENTENCE DOESN'T MAGICALLY MAKE THE SENTENCE NOT FUCKING OFFENSIVE DOUCHE WAGON.

SOLLUX: ok then full offen2e.

SOLLUX: ii am beiing a2 maliiciiou2 wiith my word2 a2 can po22ibly be.

KARKAT: WOW, REAL FUCKING MATURE NOOKHEAD.

SOLLUX: ok mutant

KARKAT: PISSBLOOD

SOLLUX: cullbaiit

KARKAT: BATTERY PACK

SOLLUX: alriight alriight 2top iim lo2iing fuckiing pancell2 goiing back and forth wiith you.

Sollux stands to stretch his long, bony legs. He collapses back into his regular hunch and makes his way to the the back of his hive, claws clicking softly on the concrete.

SOLLUX: iill be back iin a 2ec dont liiterally burn my hiive down or whatever.

You juvenily stick out your tongue at Sollux, but his back is turned so he can't reciprocate the gesture. He reaches above him and pulls a string, opening the rooftop hatch. He quickly crawls through the hole and slams it behind him.

You busy yourself with more of the game, but quickly come to the depressing realization that you are complete dog shit at it. You toss the controller beside you in disgust and grab the TV's remote instead, opting to absentmindedly flip through the channels instead. You can recall Sollux mentioning that he had found a way to leech off some nearby aristocrat's cable, boasting that he got close to over a thousand channels now. You remember thinking at the time that amount of content was ostentatious and redundant, and after having a few months to prove this theory, you've never been so sure about anything in your life. Most of it is either white noise, trashy reality shows, or blatant propaganda.

Well, all of it is blatant propaganda, it's barely trying to hide it actually, but at least some of it has the decency to try and mask it with likable characters and simplistic morals such as "giving into peer pressure sometimes is cool actually" and "deviation from the norm will punished unless exploitable."

You try in vain to distract yourself with the substanceless drivel, but find your mind keeps drifting to thoughts of your current hivemate. Thoughts that seemed to be erring on the _ paler _ side.

Ugh.

You tug at your coarse hair in frustration. Just because you _happen_ to care about Sollux's general well-being doesn't mean that your ready to dive headfirst into conciliatory territory. You're just friends for God's sake! And friends care about each other! In a completely platonic-_ nonpale_\- manner. 

It's not like your offering emotional support was an invitation to have a fucking feelings jam or something else similarly saccharine. The guy's abandoning his fucking lusus, the thing that raised him, however competent that raising might have been. It's just something that decent people _ do _, no strings attached, no need for some long standing emotional bond to be formed. 

But it could be nice.

You allow yourself a few self indulgent thoughts while Sollux deals with his own interpersonal conflict up on the roof. Extremely self indulgent.

Get a room, dude.

You shake yourself from your flights of pale fancy and opt to instead try and make yourself a cup of coffee so you can maybe _ chill the fuck out. _You're so preoccupied with preparing your drink and forcing your pan to think about absolutely nothing else but this goddamn beverage, you don't notice Sollux enter the meal block. Your eyes lock onto him and you nearly drop your mug in surprise. Sollux barely looks up from his phone in acknowledgement.

KARKAT: GOD SHITTING FUCKSHIT!!!!!!

SOLLUX: hello two you two.

You huff and roughly throw open a cabinet door, grabbing another mug for the unexpected guest. The bitter earthy smell fills the room as shitty coffeemaker struggles to do its one job.

KARKAT: SO, HOW'D IT GO?

SOLLUX: fiine.

SOLLUX: ii thiink.

SOLLUX: iit2 alway2 hard two tell wiith hiim.

SOLLUX: but ii thiink he got the poiint.

You give a curt hum in acknowledgement. Good god, why won't this fucking thing brew faster?

KARKAT: SO..........

SOLLUX: 2o?

KARKAT: SO!

KARKAT: HOW ARE YOU FEELING?

Sollux raises an eyebrow with suspicion. Shit.

SOLLUX: what do you care?

KARKAT: OH MY GOD.

KARKAT: WELL EXCUSE ME FOR SHOWING A FUCKING MODICUM OF INTEREST IN YOUR EMOTIONS.

KARKAT: I'M SO SORRY, I FORGOT ALL THE TIME YOU SPEND CROUCHED AT YOUR HUSKTOP LIKE SOME SORT OF CAVEDWELLING GREMLIN RENDERED YOU INCAPABLE OF EXPERIENCING FEELINGS.

KARKAT: PLEASE, DON’T STOP ME FROM YOUR REPRESSION, I COULDN’T FUCKING LIVE WITH MYSELF.

The wretched machine finally beeps. You turn to grab your mug and take a hard swig while Sollux snickers behind you.

SOLLUX: what, doe2 the wiiddle wriigler want two 2hare hii2 feewiing2?

SOLLUX: expectiing me two 2uddenly and uncontrollably bur2t iintwo tear2 any 2econd now are we?

SOLLUX: what are you, my moiiraiil?

You immediately begin choking on your subpar coffee, spewing it all over the walls and hacking up the rest onto the counter.

SOLLUX: holy 2hiit.

KARKAT: SHUT THE-

KARKAT: *WHEEEEEEZE*

KARKAT: SHUT THE FUCK UP!

KARKAT: *HACK* *GASP*

You take a moment to compose yourself, then turn back around. Sollux has the biggest, nastiest smile plastered across his shit eating face. What a loathsome, detestable creature. 

KARKAT: DROP DEAD.

SOLLUX: 2omethiing youd liike two 2hare wiith cla22 KK?

KARKAT: HOW MUCH I'D LIKE TO WRAP MY CLAWS AROUND YOUR SCRAWNY WIND SHAFT AND SQUEEZE UNTIL YOUR STUPID HETEROCHROMATIC GANDERBULBS POP FROM THEIR SOCKETS, WHERE UPON I WILL FORCE FEED THEM DOWN YOUR CRUSHED MEAL TUNNEL.

SOLLUX: woah KK.

SOLLUX: 2omeone miight mii2take your tone for 2omethiing of a more *caliigiinou2* nature.

Your mug flies from your hand and lands with a crash on the wall directly behind Sollux. Scalding hot coffee slowly stains the grey walls. Sollux is still seemingly unphased. You are visibly twitching. You shut your eyes tight and force yourself to take a deep breath.

KARKAT: SOLLUX.

KARKAT: I AM GOING TO SLEEP.

KARKAT: BEFORE I DO SOMETHING I *DEEPLY REGRET.*

SOLLUX: iit2 not liike that2 ever 2topped you before dude.

You give Sollux a long, hard stare. One might compare it two an especially onary meerkat considering his chances with an _ especially _shitty jackal. You turn on your heels and leave without a word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ty for reading please tell me what you thought good night everybody


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY im actually rlly invested in this again so BOOM another upd8 ur welcome solkat lovers good fucking luck  
also as a forewarning this chapter contains some violent sections, descriptions of gore, lotta blood, that sort of shit so. proceed with caution

God, you fucking despise public transport.

The omniscuttlecaravan hub is a loathsome, godforsaken place. Every surface is covered in a thin layer of grease and despair. The neon pink fluorescent lights above flicker erratically, illuminating every ounce of filth and garbage this hell hole has to offer. On either side of you, caravans whiz by at astounding speed, kicking up clouds of dirt and gravel, their hundreds of skittering legs propelling them across the tunnel floor creating an unsettling scuttling noise, not unlike a centipede. The place is far more crowded than it has any right to be- people roughly brushing past each other, shouts of confusion and frustration blending together in a perfect cacophony of chaos. Someone nearly knocked you on your ass the second you got here. The bronzeblood behind you in the ticket queue hasn’t quit hacking up his bellowsacs since you and Sollux arrived. You think you spot blood in his tissue. 

You've never detested a place so completely upon arrival. Sure, it's not like you ever left your hive to do more than pick up the barest of essentials from the local Grub-E-Mart, but even that could be an exercise in misery. This place was the perfect little microcosm of how truly terrible two people could be to one another in public.

You pull your hood a little tighter around your face as you inch closer to Sollux, leaning your head on his shoulder and giving a little growl of disgust.

KARKAT: I FUCKING HATE IT HERE.

SOLLUX: 2o youve 2aiid.

KARKAT: HOW MUCH LONGER?

Sollux juts his thumb towards the long line of destitute trolls in front of you. At the front, a particularly difficult olive girl with pigtails has been arguing with the bored looking ticketmaster. He yawns slowly and repeats the same corporate bullshit he’s been spouting for the past half hour. The guy has a look of despair on his face so prominent it’s a wonder he’s still functioning. This is a man who’s worked a minimum wage job for so long the building could burn to ground and he’d stay right where he is out of spite. And the insurance money.

You can respect that.

SOLLUX: ii thiink iitll be a biit KK.

KARKAT: FUCK.

That bronze fuck’s hacking grows just a little louder and you feel you skin crawl with disgust. You can’t do this much longer.

KARKAT: SOLLUX, I’M ABOUT TWO SECONDS FROM LOSING MY SHIT HERE AND NOW.

KARKAT: I SWEAR ON EVERYTHING I HOLD DEAR IN THIS LIFE I WILL FLIP MY SHIT HARDER THAN A PROFESSIONAL GYMNAST SWAN DIVING OFF A CLIFF STRAIGHT INTO THE DEEP END.

KARKAT: I MAY BE RENDERED COMPLETELY INCAPABLE OF OVER PROPERLY REGAINING MY SHIT.

KARKAT: I WILL BE SHITLESS, SOLLUX.

SOLLUX: boo hoo.

KARKAT: I AM INCREDIBLY FUCKING SERIOUS HERE MAN.

KARKAT: I THINK I’M GONNA PASS OUT.

KARKAT: WHAT DOES A PANIC ATTACK FEEL LIKE? DOES IT FEEL LIKE DYING??? CHOKING???

KARKAT: ALL THE AIR IN THIS PLACE FEELS FUCKING RECYCLED.

KARKAT: ARE YOU HOT?? I’M SWEATING LIKE A GODDAMN OINKBEAST IN SECOND SUMMER, AND THIS SWEATSHIRT ISN’T HELPING EITHER-

You’re swiftly silenced when Sollux suddenly clamps a hand over your mouth in exasperation. You swear the next time he does that he's losing a finger.

SOLLUX: KK, for the love of god, ii need you two 2hut the fuck up for two fuckiing 2econd2.

SOLLUX: ii cant thiink 2traiight wiith your paniicked rambliing and ii kiind of need two fuckiing focu2 2o we dont get on the wrong one.

SOLLUX: and under no fuckiing ciircum2tance2 are you two take off that fuckiing jacket, 2o dont even a2k.

You rip his stupid hand off your face and shove your own deep into your pockets. You’re sweltering, but it’s not like you’d be able to inconspicuously wear a blanket in public. 

You had brought up the issue of your... unusually high temperature to Kanaya a few days ago and how it might cause a few issues with public transportation, especially with all the fucking thermal scanners this place has to sniff out any hemo anons such as yourself. She had been able to fashion your old blanket into a much more efficient and covert, if oversized, jacket. The pretty significant downside, however, is that it makes you  _ so fucking hot _ , but taking off the hood would basically render the thing useless.  _ _

The constant dripping of sweat down your face is driving you nuts. You look around for  _ something  _ that might cool you down, but the only thing you spot is the frankly repulsive looking drinking spout on the far left wall. There’s another one a few feet to the right, but it’s clearly reserved for highbloods. Bourgeoisie bastards. 

Another caravan comes screaming into the station a few feet away. The sound of screeching metal and hundreds of scuttering little legs attached to the sides of that giant, garish machine crash around in your think pan like an irate purrbeast. If you don't get out of here soon, you might just lay down onto the tracks and pray that you don't make it to see tomorrow's moonlight.

You open your mouth to start complaining again, and Sollux groans in defeat. He grabs his credit card from his pocket and thrusts it into your hand, jerking his head towards a far hallway behind you.

SOLLUX: there2 a 2nack dii2pen2er near the end next two the load gaper compartment2 that ha2 driink2.

SOLLUX: try not two do anythiing miind numbiingly 2tupiid.

KARKAT: WHY THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW THAT?

SOLLUX: becau2e iive been here before iidiiot!

KARKAT: IT SAYS THAT SECTION IS OFF LIMITS, DIPSHIT.

SOLLUX: oh my god who CARE2.

SOLLUX: ju2t fuckiing go. iif anyone a2k2, ju2t pretend youre exceptiionally 2tupiid or somethiing.

SOLLUX: whiich hone2tly 2houldnt be that far of a 2tretch

SOLLUX: and make iit quiick becau2e ii wiill leave you here ii2tg.

You wave away his threats and make your way over.

Just as Sollux said, nobody gave a shit when you crossed the threshold. Honestly, why the fuck would they? Trespassing is hardly on people’s radar, this would barely warrant a culling unless someone was feeling particularly drunk on power. The hallway is much longer than you initially anticipated. When you finally reach the end, the loud din of the crowded platforms has softened to a low buzz. You glance at the machine- it looks fucking ancient. You guess nobody comes back here? Yeah, that’s plausible. The thing’s nearly empty, but you spot some soda near the back. Tab- ugh. Why couldn’t your empress have some better taste in soft drinks?

As you punch in the buttons and watch it spring to life, you hear the door to the waste block swing open behind you. Huh, you guess Sollux was right about nobody taking that sign seriously. You finish up and turn to leave- only to walk smack into some  _ grub fucker’s  _ chest. Who the fuck would stand that close to someone in a deserted hallway? 

You take a few steps back to size up the fuckwad without any sense of personal space. He’s taller than you- though who  _ isn’t _ \- and maybe a little older? Obviously some kind of blueblood, but what caste is anyone’s guess, although it’s not like you particularly care. Even if you did, his signs too obscured by his jacket to make out. His face is etched with annoyance as he stares at you expectantly. What, did he want something from the  _ obviously fucking barren machine _ ? 

KARKAT: UH.

KARKAT: THE MACHINE’S EMPTY DUDE.

??????: rea=y?

KARKAT: YES.

He stares at you a few moments longer. God, this guy really is slow, isn’t he?

??????: ok

And with that, he snatches the soda out of your hands and starts to walk away.

Wait, what the  _ fuck _ ?

KARKAT: HEY ASSHOLE!

KARKAT: WHAT GIVES, THAT’S *MINE!*

??????: and?

KARKAT: AND I WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE *FUCK* YOUR PROBLEM IS!

KARKAT: WERE YOU HATCHED THIS FUCKING STUPID, OR DID YOU GET THROWN DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS AND WAKE UP EXPONENTIALLY SHITTIER?

KARKAT: AT LEAST THE SECOND OPTION WOULD EXPLAIN YOUR REPULSIVE, PESTILENT FUCKING FACE!!!!!!!

The words are barely out of your mouth before you notice the edges of your vision go blurry. Your body’s completely shut down, you can’t move a single limb. The blueblood pivots, clearly enraged. His jacket’s moved enough to where you can make out his sign.

Cerulean. Just your luck.

He forces you to turn back towards the machine. You notice your reflection in the dirty glass- sheer panic. 

You feel your head suddenly jerk back- right before crashing into the glass at full force. Your face is suddenly engulfed in red hot pain, a shriek is ripped from your mouth, you can barely recognize it as your own voice. 

Your hear ducts are ringing, you’ve never been in this much pain in your  _ life _ , you can barely stand up. Behind you, you can hear that fucking lunatic laughing as you struggle not to just pass out on the spot. You can barely see, there’s so much blood-

_ FUCK _ .

Your blood pusher’s pounding away in your chest like a fucking jackhammer as you finally start to process just how much you’re bleeding. Your hands are fucking drenched in red, there’s no way you can hide this. 

Before you can do anything, you feel yourself being pulled back to your feet. There’s no use in struggling, this guy’s grip on your pan is ironclad. He forces you to face him- and his face drops.

Disgusted horror paints his face, matching how you feel in the pit of your gut. God, he’s going to fucking cull you, here and now, you’re gonna get your neck slit by this asshole and he isn’t going to think twice about it. 

You screw your eyes shut and wait for him to gut, the piercing pain of blade meeting soft flesh. 

Instead, you feel his hold on your head lesson, then completely disappear.

You open your eyes. He’s running.

Icy relief floods your veins as you double over in simultaneous immense pain and joy. You think you might be crying?

You aren’t dead.

But as you stand in that desolate hallway, trying not to collapse onto the floor, a horrifying thought hits you like a ton of bricks.

_ What if he tells someone _ ?

You equip your sickles without a second thought and start sprinting down the hall.

The darkened halls twist and turn as you chase the bastard who's about two seconds from ruining your fucking life. Your chest burns as you force yourself to run faster, nearly tripping over your own strutpods as your panicked mind races.

What if he got away? What if someone  _ saw _ you like this? The mere thought of it makes your guts churn.

You finally catch sight of him as he rounds the final corner. You lunge as hard as you can- your hand catches the back of his jacket and you drag him down to the ground. He twists around in your grasp and his fist hits your chin, lighting your head up in electrifying pain, but you kind of can't afford to give a shit about that right now. 

Your grip on him starts to slacken as he tries to get ahold of your pan again- you can't give him the chance. You raise your sickle high above your head and strike it down as hard as you can. His awful blue color sprays all over you- holy shit, you think you got some in your mouth.

He isn't moving.

But his organs are.

You're gonna be sick. 

Your legs start moving before you can even process it. You sprint back to the end of the corridor and dash into the waste block. Ducking into the farthest stall, you keel over and immediately empty your guts into the load gaper. You're shaking so badly you can hardly stand, your legs giving out from underneath you as you break into heaving sobs. 

God, what the  _ fuck _ .

You have no clue how long you wept on that floor, every inch of your being is still screaming out in pain. Your palmhusk buzzes in your pocket.

It's Sollux.

You shoot him a quick message concerning your whereabouts and promptly resume losing your shit.

Footsteps pound towards your stall and your door is wrenched open. You can hardly look at him before you burst right back into tears. He shuts the door behind him and drops to his knees, silently pulling you into a hug. You feel like such shit, your pan can barely register how fucking weird it feels.

Sollux rests his chin on your head and rubs the small of your back in slow circles. He's murmuring something, but you can't be bothered to make it out. 

A broken faucet slowly drip-drip-drips away in the background. You try and focus on it, the sound of water hitting tile.

Holy fuck, your face hurts.

Something's been gnawing at the back of your mind for a while now. It isn't the pain or the fear or the nausea you've been feeling, it's like something you just notice out of the corner of your eye. 

Wait a second.

KARKAT: SOLLUX.

SOLLUX: what?

KARKAT: SOLLUX, I CAN'T-

KARKAT: I CAN'T SEE.

KARKAT: I CAN'T FUCKING

KARKAT: MY RIGHT EYE, ITS NOT-

KARKAT: IT ISN'T-

He cuts off your panicked babbling and pulls back to take a look at you. The color immediately drains from his face as he takes in the damage. Shit, is it really that bad?

He takes a close look at your eye and sucks in a sharp breath.

KARKAT: HOLY SHIT, JUST TELL ME HOW BAD IT IS.

SOLLUX: iit2

SOLLUX: fuck

SOLLUX: ok fiir2t we need two get thii2 gla22 out.

You let out a groan as he gets up to grab some wet paper towels. He sits back down and gets right into  _ picking fucking glass shards out of your face holy fucking shit _ .

KARKAT: HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY CHILL THE FUCK OUT!

SOLLUX: chrii2t, ii need you two calm your 2hiit iif at all po22iible.

SOLLUX: thii2 could get iinfected dumba22.

SOLLUX: ju2t

SOLLUX: try and focu2 on 2omethiing el2e.

KARKAT: WHAT, LIKE THE FACT THAT I'M DOWN TO ONE WORKING VISUAL ORGAN? OR THE GUY I FUCKING EVISCERATED TEN MINUTES EARLIER?????

SOLLUX: yeah ii wa2 actually wonderiing about that.

SOLLUX: you made that guy2 iin2iide2 hii2 out2iide2 ehehehehehe.

KARKAT: OH MY GOD.

SOLLUX: 2o what2 your kiill count up two agaiin? two?

SOLLUX: three more and you fiill up your punch card.

KARKAT: CAPTOR I SWEAR TO SHIT IF YOU DON'T SHUT YOUR FUCKING TRAP I WILL PUNCH *YOUR* CARD.

KARKAT: AND IN THIS METAPHOR "CARD" IS INTERCHANGEABLE WITH "BONE BULGE".

KARKAT: THIS ISN'T SOMETHING I CAN FUCKING BANTER ABOUT RIGHT NOW, AND IF YOU HAD ANY OUNCE OF DECENCY IN THAT SHRIVELED HUSK YOU CALL A BODY, YOU MIGHT ACTUALLY FUCKING RESPECT THAT AND QUIT SPEWING INANE BULLSHIT OUT OF YOUR NOOK FLAP.

SOLLUX: alriight.

KARKAT: ...

KARKAT: GOD, I REALLY FUCKED US, DIDN'T I.

SOLLUX: ...

KARKAT: I FUCKED US!

KARKAT: RIGHT UP THE THE PROVERBIAL ASS WITH A BARBED, PUSS FILLED BULGE.

KARKAT: I CAN'T GO BACK OUT THERE!!

KARKAT: THERE'S-

KARKAT: THERE'S JUST SO MUCH *BLOOD* AND, AND-

KARKAT: *SOMEBODY'S* GONNA FIND THAT SHITHOLE'S BODY!

KARKAT: MAYBE THEY ALREADY HAVE, I MEAN-

KARKAT: THIS PLACE *MUST* HAVE FUCKING CAMERAS, SOMEBODY HAS TO FUCKING NOTICE *SOMETHING*!

KARKAT: OH GOD, I CAN'T-

KARKAT: I CAN'T KEEP FUCKING DOING THIS-

KARKAT: AND THEY'LL GET YOUR ASS FOR HELPING ME AND-

You can feel your bilesac churn again, and Sollux quits groping your face long enough for you to start dry heaving. What a shitty biological response. All the pain of actually vomiting but none of the payoff. Just another one for the list of grievances you have about being hatched.

You try closing your left eye to see how the other one is holding up.

Yep, still excruciating pain.

At least you aren't _ completely  _ blind- at least you don't think. You're still picking up color, as all you can see right now is bright red, which seems cruelly ironic in a way you can't quite put your touch stump on.You're reminded of Terezi's ruby red eyes and wonder if that's what you look like now. That might be cool. 

Nah, this whole thing sucks shit.

Why does this kind of thing always happen to you?

Wait, you know exactly why! Because you're a stupid piece of shit who couldn't keep your mouth shut for two goddamn seconds. 

This all was just so... predictable. Obviously  _ something  _ would have gone completely fucking sideways tonight, because that's just how your life is. A never ending series of implausible and completely absurd events conspiring to fuck you over in the most heinous way possible.

The worst part of it all is that you can't even blame your mutation for shit going south. That guy didn't know you were some candy blooded freak, not at first, you're just some asshole kid.

Apparently that's enough to sign your own death wish.

Just... standing there.

You're about to fucking snap.

Sollux leans back to give you some air while you work yourself up into a panic again. He's clearing not having a good time either, blue and red sparks start leaking from his eyes and working their way up his horns. It's memorizing, in an unnerving kind of way.

He digs into his pockets and pulls out two tickets. He gives them a long look, then turns his attention back towards you.

SOLLUX: look iim gonna be completely hone2t here.

SOLLUX: thii2 fuckiing blow2.

SOLLUX: our riide ii2 2uppo2ed two be here iin 20 miinute2, maybe 30 iif iit2 late.

SOLLUX: whiich iit wiill be becau2e thii2 place 2uck2 my nook.

SOLLUX: ii have what iin 2ome ciircle2 could techniically qualiify a2 an iidea.

SOLLUX: although the chance2 of u2 pulliing iit off are 2o fuckiing a2tronomiical that iif we manage two pull iit off ii would iimmediiately joiin that fuckhole clown cult, 2lam a cold one and 2tart 2uckiing off the fiir2t god off death ii 2aw becau2e iit would be eviidence of diiviine iinterference of the miiriicle kiind.

KARKAT: DOES ANY OF THIS HAVE A POINT OR ARE YOU SUFFERING SOME SORT OF NIHILISM FUELED NERVOUS BREAKDOWN?

SOLLUX: dude 2hut the FUCK up.

SOLLUX: there ii2 2tiill a way for u2 two get riid of that evii2cerated corp2e and 2tiill make iit KN2 hiive.

KARKAT: HOW?

SOLLUX: the engiine.

KARKAT: THE ENGINE????

SOLLUX: the motha

SOLLUX: fuckiin

SOLLUX: engiine

The plan that Sollux spends the next three minutes outlining is the most bare-boned, thrift shop, shoddily made thing you've ever had the misfortune of hearing and  _ goddammit you two are going to sneak onto an omniscuttlecaravan _ .

Surprisingly, getting ahold of that body is the easiest part. Even after all the time it takes to clean up your blood, patch up your eye with some spare load gaper paper and duct tape (why did he have duct tape??), and to squeeze in one more meltdown, you two still found his gutted body still lying there. You guess nobody comes back here? Or maybe someone did find him and didn't give a shit? Actually, that sounds a lot more plausible.

This planet sucks.

Sollux stares at it for a moment, shrugs and captchalogues it.

KARKAT: EW.

SOLLUX: yeah

SOLLUX: next tiime you murder 2omeone could you be a liittle le22 graphiic about iit?

KARKAT: OH I'M SORRY! I'LL TAKE THAT INTO CONSIDERATION WHEN I'M BROUGHT TO KILLING SOMEONE FOR MY OWN SURVIVAL

KARKAT: *SO* SORRY FOR INCONVENIENCING YOU.

SOLLUX: iit2 fiine ehehe.

SOLLUX: anyway we have about 10 miinute2 two fiind a way two 2neak onto that caravan and iinciinerate thii2 fucker.

KARKAT: GOD, I CANNOT FUCKING BELIEVE I LET YOU TALK ME INTO THIS.

SOLLUX: tough 2hiit.

Sollux whips out his palmhusk and begins typing furiously. You try looking over his shoulder but he nudges you away.

Holy shit, you wish he would hurry up. You’re growing steadily more uneasy just standing out here in the open while he dicks around doing god knows what, anybody could come back here and-

SOLLUX: oh my god could you quiit mutteriing under your fuckiing breath ii cant thiink 2traiight.

KARKAT: WHAT? NO I’M NOT.

SOLLUX: ye2 you are.

SOLLUX: you do iit a lot actually.

SOLLUX: iit2 one of your more loathe2ome qualiitiie2.

KARKAT: SOLLUX I THINK I WOULD HAVE FUCKING NOTICED IF I WAS ACTING LIKE SOME PARANOID BASKETCASE.

SOLLUX: well have you ever con2iidered the fact that youre ju2t a2toundiingly terriible at 2elf awarene22?

KARKAT: WELL HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED CHOKING ON MY BULGE??

SOLLUX: con2tantly.

SOLLUX: iim madly iin hate wiith you.

KARKAT: WHAT???????

SOLLUX: what.

SOLLUX: now 2hut the fuck up a 2econd. thii2 ii2 kiind of iimportant 2o dont 2top lii2teniing halfway through and 2tart dreamiing up more 2hiity iin2ult2 you can call me iin the future.

You’re going to kill him.

SOLLUX: anyway ii wa2 able two pull up the 2chematiic2 of thii2 dump.

SOLLUX: apparently there2 a luggage carou2el that feed2 iinto the baggage 2egment 2o everythiing can be 2towed.

SOLLUX: the entrance ii2 iin 2ome employee area 2o we can ju2t break iin, riide the conveyor belt, get iin2iide, 2teal 2ome clothe2 that arent 2u2piiciiou2ly 2oaked iin blood, get two the back, burn the body, make iit back two the pa22enger 2egment and 2pend the next three hour2 not makiing eye contact wiith anyone.

KARKAT: HM. GREAT PLAN SOLLUX.

SOLLUX: really?

KARKAT: YEAH!

KARKAT: MAYBE AFTERWARDS WE CAN ROB A BANK OR MAYBE ASSASSINATE THE EMPRESS HERSELF!

SOLLUX: oh good griief.

KARKAT: YOU UNDERSTAND HOW ASTRONOMICALLY FUCKING BATSHIT INSANE THIS IS RIGHT??

KARKAT: IT BARELY MEETS THE QUALIFICATIONS FOR A COMPLETE THOUGHT, LET ALONE ANYTHING EVEN SLIGHTLY RESEMBLING A FUCKING PLAN.

KARKAT: THIS IS ACTUALLY SUICIDAL. I FEEL A LITTLE DUMBER NOW AFTER HAVING BEEN FORCED TO LISTEN TO THAT.

SOLLUX: ok. valiid criitiicii2m2.

SOLLUX: counterpoiint.

SOLLUX: do YOU have a better iidea?

KARKAT: I.

KARKAT: WELL.

_ Shit. _

SOLLUX: cool ok 2o you ju2t had another tantrum and accomplii2hed ab2olutely nothiing a2 expected.

SOLLUX: we now have 6 miinute2 two be on board 2o do you want two wa2te our tiime even more or quiit your biitchiing and get your a22 iin gear?

You let out a long, defeated groan.

KARKAT: IF THIS GETS US CULLED I’M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU.

SOLLUX: faiir enough.

SOLLUX: now follow me.

While moving  _ quickly  _ isn’t really a plausible option for you as you’re still in an astounding amount of physical pain, Sollux grabs your arm and drags you to the beginning of the hall. It’s still just as crowded in the main hub, people rushing back and forth and barely casting you a second glance. Sollux’s fallen silent, an anxious look on his face as he scans the sea of trolls. He glances over at the ticket booth, the troll manning it is still there, still as miserable as ever. To his right is the entrance to an employees only area. 

SOLLUX: hey cover your ear2.

KARKAT: WHAT?

SOLLUX: JU2T DO IIT.

Goddamn, ok. You cover your ears and wait. You’re about to ask him what the fuck he’s doing when you’re suddenly cut off by a GIANT HEAD SPLITTING EXPLOSION HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

Your head is still reeling while chaos unfolds all around you. Hundreds of trolls erupt into screams and begin trampling one another in a frantic effort to get towards the door. Debris rains down in a hailstorm. You watch as some poor lowblood gets painfully stomped underfoot as they try and crawl towards the exit. They don’t make it.

Before you can make anymore morbid observations, Sollux grabs your hand and pulls you towards the back room, sticking as close to the wall as possible. You rush inside and he slams the door behind you, breathing hard. Oh god every part of you hurts so much.

You take a moment to look around while you catch your breath. It looks like some sort of factory area? Dozens of conveyor belts sit in neat rows, sending their luggage to their proper destination. A few feet ahead of you, a steel grey control panel with hundreds of bright, confusing buttons and blinking lights sits bolted to the floor. You won’t even pretend how it works. You look over at Sollux, who’s checking his palmhusk again.

KARKAT: HEY?

KARKAT: HEY BUDDY?

KARKAT: CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING?

SOLLUX: now really ii2nt the tiime two-

KARKAT: WHAT THE ACTUAL ***FUCK*** IS WRONG WITH YOU???????????

SOLLUX: look KK, we needed a dii2tractiion 2o ii gave u2 a FUCKIING dii2tractiion.

KARKAT: DID YOU WANT TO LEVEL THE FUCKING BUILDING IN THE PROCESS?

SOLLUX: oh my GOD.

SOLLUX: IIM NOT ABOUT TWO WA2TE MY BREATH TRYIING TWO EXPLAIIN TWO A FUCKIING IIDIIOT WHY-

He’s cut off by the door swinging open and that  _ fucking ticket troll walking in shit shit fuck goddamn it what the fuck you’re so fucking dead.  _

You all stand there dumbfounded like a bunch of antlerbeasts in headlights.

TICKET BOOTH TROLL: y0u

TICKET BOOTH TROLL: y0u arent supp0sed t0 be ba¢k here

TICKET BOOTH TROLL: why the fu¢k are y0u ba¢k here

Sollux looks like he’s about to shit himself. He clears his throat and looks the guy dead in the eyes.

SOLLUX: uh

SOLLUX: why do you care?

The ticket booth guy stares at Sollux a moment, then turns his eyes towards you. Oh god, you’re fucking drenched in blood, there’s no way he’s going to-

TICKET BOOTH TROLL: a¢tually

TICKET BOOTH TROLL: i d0nt

His eyes glaze over into their default “I work in customer service mode” and he leaves you two be.

You can’t fucking believe this.

KARKAT: I AM SO FUCKING UPSET RIGHT NOW.

You let out a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding. Sollux makes a noise that probably should have been a laugh but somehow came out as a wheeze.

SOLLUX: holy 2hiit.

KARKAT: THERE IS

KARKAT: NO *POSSIBLE FUCKING WAY*

KARKAT: THAT COULD HAVE EVER WORKED.

KARKAT: I THINK I WOULD BE *LESS* ANGRY IF HE HAD JUST CALLED US ON OUR SHIT?

SOLLUX: welcome two the wonderful world of not beiing paiid enough two giive a 2hiit ii gue22.

SOLLUX: now quiit 2tandiing around que2tiioniing the logiic of all thii2 and crawl onto that thiird conveyor belt before 2omeone who actually care2 come2 iin here.

Fun fact for those not in the know: riding a conveyor belt fucking sucks. It’s dark, it’s cramped, and you’re constantly on the verge of falling off because it wasn’t fucking designed for someone to ride on.

By the time you both reach the end, crawl through the cramped tunnel leading to the inside of the baggage segment and make sure the doors are locked so you don’t have a repeat of your previous incident, you can pretty confidently write this off as one of the worst nights of your life. You and Sollux begin rifling through other people’s shit in the hopes of finding you something that isn’t stained in cherry red. You manage to hit the jackpot when you find some clothes that are not only inconspicuous, but apparently belong to some fucking clown, so a few compacts of grease paint are in the side pockets. You make Sollux turn around while you change and when you’re done he slathers grease paint on your face to hide whatever cuts you may have. It burns like hell, but honestly, you couldn’t give less of a shit. He takes a step back and admires his work.

SOLLUX: not bad.

SOLLUX: you look liike a certiifiied clown.

SOLLUX: ii mean, you already diid but now iit2 offiiciial.

KARKAT: ARE YOU DONE? ARE YOU FUCKING DONE?

KARKAT: OR SHOULD I GIVE YOU A FEW MOMENTS TO PRACTICE YOUR GOD DAMN STAND-UP?

He laughs off your scorn as you two make your way to the engine, which is only about two segments away. Inside, it’s completely empty, save for the massive raging fire blazing away in its furnace, a sizable pile of coal surrounding it. It’s fucking sweltering back here. You take a closer look inside the furnace.

Is that...?

SOLLUX: look2 liike 2omeone beat u2 two the punch.

Inside is a charred, blackened skeleton, flames licking at its sides greedily, turning what’s left of it to ash.

Before you can comment on this kind of poignant imagery, Sollux uncaptchalogues the body he’s been hauling around and chucks it in. The fire roars, immediately consuming its new fuel. The room fills with the acrid stench of cooking flesh.

God, you’re hungry.

You tear your eyes away from the informal cremation and tell Sollux you should probably leave. He doesn't look at you when he speaks, glasses glinting with the light of the flames..

SOLLUX: yeah.

All things considered, the rest of your trip is fairly uneventful. People merely glance at you when you both take your seats. The caravan still leaves relatively on schedule; if they had to cancel every time a station was blown up, no one would be able to get anywhere. You watch out the window as the city slowly gives way to the countryside, illuminated only by the light of the two moons. Neither of you speaks much.

It’s nearly daybreak by the time you arrive at Kanaya’s wasteland. Miles and miles of golden sand expands before you when you step onto the platform. The air feels dry and heavy, the heat making your throat scratchy. Why would anyone willingly choose to live in the fucking sand wastes? You’ve barely been out here five fucking minutes and you’re already beginning to swaet under your heavy black clothes. While the sun hasn’t risen yet, you can already feel it gradually growing warmer. 

Sollux’s psionics carry you both the rest of the way. Have you ever mentioned how much you hate psionics? You despise them, really. Not once have you ever grown accustomed to the feeling of your stomach dropping as you’re lifted into the air, or the near instantaneous feeling of terror that overtakes you as you’re soaring miles above the ground at unthinkable speeds. Your eyes are watering and you can’t even open your mouth to scream. You think you hear Sollux laughing at you above the sound of the wind rushing past your ears.

Reminder to your future self: strangle him.

Sollux roughly drops you onto the lawnring surrounding Kanaya’s hive when you finally arrive. You have never felt such complete and total exhaustion in your entire life. You couldn’t even relax on your way here, you were too worried someone might call you out for... honestly any of the shit you did tonight. No part of you wants to stand up right now; you could just lay here forever and waste away, but he grabs the back of your shirt and drags you to her front door. The sun has nearly begun to peak over the horizon. You hear movement to your left, you turn and see her lusus’ creepy face a few hundred feet away. God, why did their faces have to look like that? It’s like someone skinned someone else’s face and stretched it over the skeleton of a giant bug and put lipstick on it. She eyes you casually, then goes back to whatever business concerns a retired Mother Grub.

You hear the door open behind you.

KANAYA: I Hope You Two Didnt Have Too Much Trouble Getting Here

SOLLUX: oh you know, the u2ual.

SOLLUX: blew 2ome 2hiit up, 2nuck onto a omnii2cuttlecaravan, burned the body of 2ome a22hole KK murdered.

SOLLUX: oh, and cant forget thii2!

Sollux drags you to your feet and faces towards Kanaya, gesturing at your eye, or lack thereof. 

You can’t track all the emotions that flash over Kanaya’s face as she takes it all in, but she seems to settle something straddling the line between abject horror and disbelief.

KANAYA: What The Fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank yall for your kind words its really what inspired me to get this chapter out so quickly don't forget to tell me your thoughts <3 have a good day, night or whatever  
also fun fact ticket booth trolls name is kaharl marhxx


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat gets acclimated to living at Kanaya's, is a big gayass around Sollux

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey wow chapter 8 im really proud of myself for getting this far lets see how it goes

Kanaya spends no time dragging you up to her ablutionblock. The rest of the morning is spent painfully painfully dressing your wounds while she fusses over you. God, she really does like fussing doesn’t she? Fussing and bugging and meddling. She paces back and forth anxiously, pausing only to cast you scathing looks, then goes back to pacing. You’d feel bad for worrying her if your face didn’t hurt so much from recently losing an organ. You’ll let her tire herself out though, out of respect.

KANAYA: Do You Understand How Reckless That Was

KARKAT: YES.

KARKAT: FOR THE BILLIONTH TIME.

KANAYA: God I Simply Cannot Believe You Two

KANAYA: Of All The Bone Headed Reckless Stunts You Could Pulled

KANAYA: I Thought You Might Have Stopped With Destruction Of Government Property But I Guess My Expectations Were Too High For A Simple Caravan Trip.

KARKAT: OK, IN OUR DEFENSE ALL PROPERTY IS TECHNICALLY GOVERNMENT PROPERTY.

KARKAT: AND YOU SAID IT YOURSELF, YOUR EXPECTATIONS WERE WAY TOO FUCKING HIGH.

KARKAT: WE ALL SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT LITTLE EXCURSION WOULD HAVE ENDED IN A COLOSSAL CLUSTERFUCK.

KANAYA: Is That Supposed To Make Me Feel Better

KARKAT: NO, I’M JUST SAYING-

KANAYA: Then Shut Your Mouth Worm Before You Lose Another Ocular Instrument.

You choose to put a cork in it before she makes good on her word. She resumes her angry pacing, her bare feet slapping the linoleum. You keeping running your fingers over your bandages, feeling the rough texture. The air still smells like blood, nauseatingly so. Your hands are still stained with blood and grease paint. If you don’t take these disgusting clown clothes off soon you’ll lose it. Now isn’t the best time to ask Kanaya if you could rifle through her closet, though. However, you’d really like to do something about this headache.

You inch past Kanaya’s pacing radius and start rifling through her medicine cabinet. It’s mostly makeup scattered haphazardly inside, but you find some aspirins and pop a few. 

Fuck yeah, that’s the stuff.

You shut the mirror and your own reflection catches you off guard. God, that sounds pathetic, but it really is jarring how different you look. Your face is still flushed a heavy red underneath the dark grey of your skin. Cuts of various sizes criss cross over one another, still stinging with antiseptic. Bright red splotches of blood soak your bandages. You hate how you look with everything in you. You hate how weird a lack of depth perception feels. You hate how your face is growing redder every second you spend longer staring into your own loathsome reflection. A miserable, scared little mutant troll stares right back, and you’d kill him if you could.

Sleep sounds like a great idea right now.

KARKAT: KANAYA?

KANAYA: What

KARKAT: LOOK, I KNOW I FUCKED UP BIG TIME, BUT CAN WE PLEASE DO THIS TOMORROW?

KARKAT: I JUST WANT TO LIE DOWN AND FORGET THIS DAY HAPPENED FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS.

KARKAT: AND THANKS AGAIN, FOR LETTING US CRASH HERE. SORRY FOR POTENTIALLY FUCKING THAT UP.

She looks you up and down, seemingly making up her mind about something. She sighs and pulls you into a hug. You tense up for a moment, then let yourself sink into it. You can’t even remember the last time you've been hugged so much in such a short amount of time. Maybe never. Whatever the case is, she’s good at it. Just the right height.

She ushers you out and into a spare block. The room is bursting with garish, brightly colored fabric, it’s draped over the furniture and tossed on the floor haphazardly. She strides across the room and draws the curtains tight so you aren’t boiled alive. The door slams behind her as she leaves, bathing you in relative darkness. You take a seat at the desk and inspect your face again. What bruising you can see looks horrible, sickly purples and reds blotting your cheek. A shaky finger tenderly touches your bandages. It still hurts like a bitch.

The door swings open, it’s Sollux letting himself in. He’s holding two mugs, steam slowly wafting from them, slightly obscuring his face. He silently walks over to you and places a mug on the table, sinking onto the floor next to your chair. You grab the mug and inhale; it smells earthy and rich. When the liquid hits your tongue, it warms you to your core. It has this underlying bitterness you can't quite put your finger on, but it hits just right. Slinking off the chair, you take a seat next to Sollux. He lets you drink in silence. 

There aren’t words to express how grateful you are for that. This godforsaken day has just been nothing but running and panic and pain and _ noise _. 

When you finish, you set the mug next to you with a satisfied sigh, Sollux following suit with his. You can feel his eyes on you, dozens of unasked questions resting on the tip of his tongue. Might as well get this shit over with.

KARKAT: KANAYA SAID THERE’S NOTHING SHE CAN DO ABOUT IT.

SOLLUX: 2o iit2 permanent?

KARKAT: YEAH, PRETTY MUCH.

SOLLUX: damn.

SOLLUX: KK iim... iim really 2orry about that.

KARKAT: EH, NOT LIKE YOU COULD HAVE DONE ANYTHING.

SOLLUX: ii could have gone wiith you.

KARKAT: THAT STILL WOULDN’T HAVE STOPPED ME FROM RUNNING MY FAT FUCKING MOUTH.

SOLLUX: what?

KARKAT: SOLLUX THIS IS ENTIRELY MY OWN FAULT.

KARKAT: I PROVOKED THAT GUY AND GOT WHAT WAS COMING.

KARKAT: THAT’S JUST HOW IT IS.

Those words hang in the air for a while as you both digest them. That’s just how it is. Talk shit, get hit, you_ earned _this one, Karkat. Maybe if you had kept your head down, hadn’t yelled at him over something so stupid, maybe if you weren’t bitching in the first place and left Sollux, you wouldn’t feel like the planet’s biggest fucking failure.

Or maybe this all still would have happened regardless of what you said or did. Maybe you just suck. Maybe you should just _ fucking kill yourself you goddamn piece of shit- _

Your face is growing hot again, your knees instinctively drawing up to your chest as you bury your burning face into your arms. You’ve cried so much today, what are you, some sort of fucking wriggler? Your sixth wriggling day was_ just _a few weeks ago, you should have stopped feeling this fucking worthless ages ago. Trolls don’t cry.

Sollux’s hand presses against your back but you shrug him off. You swear to God, if one more person touches you, you’ll just melt into a dismal pile of your own self pity. This is your problem, you need to just fucking deal with it.

KARKAT: COULD YOU JUST-

KARKAT: ...NOT RIGHT NOW?

KARKAT: I JUST...

KARKAT: I NEED TO BE ALONE RIGHT NOW.

You don’t look up to see his face, nor do you hear the sound of him leaving. You’re about to tell him to beat it again when he speaks up.

SOLLUX: no you dont.

A kiss is planted on the side of your head. It was brief and he quickly leaves afterwards, but your body still locks up underneath you. It’s like your head’s been unplugged, all of your thoughts swiftly turning to fuzzy static. 

You have no clue what time it is when you finally leave that respiteblock, but the sun is casting long shadows across the walls as you creep downstairs. The whir of a sewing machine drifts from the ceiling. Right, you recall Kanaya often ignored your messages in favor of working on her projects long into the day. She had said something about the lighting making the fabric really pop or some other fashion shit you didn’t actually care about. How strange, to adore something that most trolls spent their whole lives cowering from.

Faint music is coming from the sittingblock. You poke your head in and see Sollux, stretched out on the loungeplank, his palmhusk quietly playing on as he sleeps. The TV is still on, he must have passed out while watching. You approach slowly, not wanting to wake him, watching as he draws short, shallow breaths, a slight whistle blowing through his crooked fangs with each one. His neck is bent at an odd angle, one leg thrown over the top of the loungeplank and an arm over his face. You hate how he sleeps, just looking at him makes your back hurt. But you keep watching all the same.

You’re a fucking creep. 

Your face draws even closer to his as you try to take in every detail. His scarred hands and cheeks, from sweeps of picking at them. His acne scarred skin, pale from spending night after night inside. If you moved his arm, you’d see faint scarring around his sunken eyes. He was a mess, honestly.

You wouldn’t trade him for anything.

Would it be weird to kiss him? The urge has been pulling at you ever since you saw him, your face inches from his. It’d be so easy, he’d never know. Not that you think he’d mind, considering. It’d be just for you, to replay over and over in your mind, something all to yourself, private and giddy.

You head back upstairs, mentally kicking yourself over and over.

The next few nights are mostly a blur, Kanaya managing to get you some pain pills which were like little capsules of heaven. Your face eventually began to numb to a dull ache. Chewing was a pain, as well as talking and breathing and thinking. Sollux gives you your space, which you really wish he wouldn’t, you just want to hold him and talk to him and smell him and do all the other shit your pan won’t let you think about for too long. To keep yourself busy, you started assisting Kanaya with her work, which mostly amounted to standing for several hours while she accidentally pricks you with pins and cutting fabric. You tried perusing her novels every once in a while, but they’re a little flowery and dull for your tastes, but you’ve learned to keep those opinions to yourself. Kanaya nearly had you by the neck when you told her _ To All The Trolls I’ve Loved Before _was mediocre schlock at best.

You’re up in her block again tonight, but she’s a lot more distracted this evening. Her eyes keep drifting back to her husktop, racing to it the second Trollian lights up. She won’t let you sneak a peek though, shooing you away when you try to look over her shoulder or casually ask. She’s hunched over it right now, fingers flying furiously as her face is set in cold determination. You’ve never seen her like this before, who the hell could she be talking to? Her typing gets more erratic, each stroke of the key clacking out wildly. Eyes alight with flame, she suddenly slams her husktop closed with a crack, nostrils flared. Holy shit.

KARKAT: HOLY SHIT.

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOU?

KANAYA: Irrelevant

She opens it again, revealing the obliterated screen. You swear, some of the keys are dented. Kanaya sighs heavily, whatever adrenaline that had been pumping through her clearly evaporated. Her eyes dart in your direction.

KANAYA: Do You Think He Could Fix This

KARKAT: WELL GEE KANAYA, I’M SURE HE CAN JUST PULL OUT HIS TECHNOWIZARDY WAND AND BULLSHIT YOU A NEW HUSKTOP, LET ME JUST ASK HIM.

KANAYA: Fair Enough

KARKAT: DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT ANYTHING?

KANAYA: What Would Give You That Impression

KARKAT: OH, I DON’T KNOW, MAYBE THE FUCKING RAMPAGE I JUST WITNESSED?

KANAYA: I Dont Think It Was That Bad

KARKAT: THE FUCKING SCREEN IS SMOKING!

KARKAT: SERIOUSLY, IF YOU DON’T GET SOMETHING OFF YOUR CHEST, YOU MIGHT ACTUALLY DIE OF STRESS BEFORE I DO, WHICH WOULD BE PRETTY FUCKING IMPRESSIVE.

KANAYA: Its Personal

KARKAT: I KIND OF FIGURED.

KARKAT: BUT THAT’S WHAT FRIENDS DO, HASH OUT THE HARD SHIT TOGETHER.

KARKAT: DON’T YOU TRUST ME?

KANAYA: Of Course I Do

KANAYA: Weve Had Many Positive Conversations Together

KARKAT: WOW, WHAT A FUCKING OBTUSE WAY TO PUT IT.

KARKAT: OF COURSE OUR CONVERSATIONS HAVE BEEN PRETTY GODDAMN AMIABLE, ONE MIGHT EVEN DESCRIBE THEM AS “FRIENDLY.”

KANAYA: I Know I Just

KANAYA: This Is A Topic We Havent Necessarily Broached As Of Yet

KARKAT: WHAT, ARE YOU FUCKING EMBARASSED OR SOMETHING?

Kanaya absent-mindedly begins to pick at the threading on her bright red skirt, not quite meeting your eye.

KANAYA: I Have A Right To Be

KARKAT: ALRIGHT, FAIR ENOUGH.

KARKAT: BUT I STILL FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE A STAB AT IT, YOU KNOW?

KARKAT: THIS ISN’T MY FIRST TIME SKIRTING AROUND AMBIGUOUSLY CONCUPISCENT TERRITORY, I WASN’T HATCHED YESTERDAY.

KANAYA: How Could You Have Possibly Known It Was About That

KARKAT: I DIDN’T.

KANAYA: Shit

KARKAT: HAHAHA!

KARKAT: ONCE AGAIN, I HAVE PROVED MY AUTHORITY OVER ALL SUBJECTS PERTAINING TO THE AMOROUS.

KARKAT: BOW DOWN TO MY SUPERIORITY AS I SCHOOL YOUR ASS IN ALL THINGS ARDENT AND PASSIONATE.

KARKAT: QUADRANTS ARE MY GOSPEL, AND I? I AM THEIR HUMBLE DEVOTEE, LENDING MY SWEEPS OF EXPERTISE TO THOSE PITIABLE SOULS WHO MAY NEED IT.

KARKAT: I’VE READ THE TEXTS KANAYA.

KANAYA: Have You

KARKAT: OH YES.

KARKAT: THEY COME TO ME LIKE WILD PROPHETIC VISIONS, IN THE FORMS OF TROLL SARAH JESSICA PARKER AND TROLL RYAN RYNOLDS.

KARKAT: ACOLYTES IN THE WORSHIP OF LOVE.

KANAYA: Are You Done Yet

KARKAT: I MEAN, NO, BUT I CAN STOP.

KANAYA: Great

KANAYA: How Do You Figure Out What Someone Wants From You

KARKAT: IN WHAT WAY?

KANAYA: Like

KANAYA: Hypothetically Speaking

KANAYA: It Would Appear As If Someone Would Like To Open Up More

KANAYA: But When You Attempt To Take Them Up On It They Double Down And Shut You Out

KANAYA: What Would Your Romantic Studies Say About That

KANAYA: Hypothetically

KARKAT: WELL, I HAVE AN IDEA, BUT I’D NEED A SPECIFIC EXAMPLE.

KANAYA: Well, Lets Say They Are Constantly Bemoaning About The State Of Their Hive

KANAYA: But When You Offer To Assist Them Tidy Up They Yell At You For Meddling

KARKAT: I MEAN, YOU DO MEDDLE.

KANAYA: When

KARKAT: ALL THE FUCKING TIME!

KARKAT: YOU FUSS AND PUSH AND MEDDLE.

KARKAT: IT’S LIKE, IT’S NICE TO KNOW THAT YOU CARE, BUT DAMN BITCH GET A HOBBY.

KANAYA: Huh

KANAYA: That Aside I Dont Believe Offering Genuine Help Would Fall Under The Category Of FUSSING AND MEDDLING

KANAYA: Aha Doing Your Voice Is Very Fun

KARKAT: DON’T PATRONIZE ME.

KARKAT: MAYBE IT WAS YOUR TONE? IT’S RIDICULOUSLY HARD TO TELL WHEN YOU’RE JOKING SOMETIMES.

KANAYA: Huh I Hadnt Noticed

KARKAT: SEE? COMPLETELY INDISTINGUISHABLE FROM YOUR NORMAL SPEAKING.

KANAYA: I Wasnt Joking

KARKAT: OH.

KARKAT: WELL ASSUMING THE PROBLEM ISN’T YOU WHICH IT PROBABLY IS, NO OFFENSE.

KANAYA: Hm

KARKAT: THE BEST EXPLANATION I CAN COME UP WITH IS JUST A SOLID CASE OF VACILLATION.

KARKAT: THEY DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY WANT FROM YOU, SO THEY’RE TESTING THE WATERS, SO TO SPEAK.

KARKAT: IS YOU EXTENDING THE PROVERBIAL OLIVE BRANCH AN ACT OF SIMPLE PALE FANCY, OR SOMETHING A LITTLE REDDER?

KARKAT: THESE SORTS OF SUBTLETIES ARE LOST ON COUNTLESS TROLLS, SO I WOULDN’T HOLD IT AGAINST THEM TOO MUCH.

KARKAT: THE LINES BETWEEN MOIRAILLEGIANCE AND MATESPRITSHIP ARE OFTEN BLURRED AND A LOT OF THE TIME OVERLAP.

KARKAT: AND THE FRUSTRATION THAT COMES WITH TRYING TO DISTINGUISH THE TWO CAN LEAD TO PITCH FEELINGS ENTERING THE MIX AND CONFUSING THINGS.

KARKAT: THERE’S A REALLY GOOD EXAMPLE OF THIS IN ONE OF MY BOOKS, I CAN LEND IT TO YOU IF-

It dawns upon you that particular novel, as well as every single other one you own was lost in the violent explosion that consumed your old hive. The thought ends up souring your mood, but you try to push it aside for now.

KARKAT: ACTUALLY, IT’D JUST BE BETTER IF I DESCRIBE IT TO YOU, THE WRITING ITSELF LEAVES SOMETHING TO BE DESIRED BUT THE CONCEPT ITSELF IS SUBTLY COMPLEX.

KANAYA: You Dont Need To Do That

KARKAT: REALLY, IT’S NO TROUBLE AT ALL, I HAVE THAT SHIT COMMITTED TO MEMORY.

KANAYA: I Dont Want You To Do It Then

KARKAT: OH. ALRIGHT.

Your shoulders sink as you realize you’ve probably been talking Kanaya’s ear off about a bunch of inane bullshit she couldn’t care less about. She catches your fallen gaze and offers a sympathetic smile.

KANAYA: Maybe Another Time

KARKAT: YEAH, MAYBE.

KANAYA: Are You Pouting Right Now

KARKAT: FUCK OFF.

KARKAT: LOOK, I’LL LEAVE YOU TO YOUR RUINED MACHINERY AND MYSTERY WOMEN THAT YOU APPARENTLY DON’T TRUST ME ENOUGH TO BE FRANK WITH.

KANAYA: How Did You Know She Was A She I Was Very Careful With My Pronouns

KARKAT: ARE YOU ACTUALLY FUCKING ASKING ME THAT? I’M INSULTED.

KANAYA: Well I Am Very Sorry I Underestimated Your Powers Of Observation.

Sollux offers you a curt head nod when you take a seat next to him. You can’t make heads or tails of what he’s watching, but he clearly isn’t paying attention. He does look up when he sees you squinting at the screen.

SOLLUX: new extreme bakiing 2how, theyre marathoniing the entiire fiir2t 2ea2on all week.

KARKAT: SINCE WHEN DO YOU GIVE A SHIT ABOUT BAKING?

SOLLUX: ii dont, but all the cruelly iironiic death2 are ju2t funny enough two keep me hooked. ii have a problem.

KARKAT: HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN WATCHING THIS?

SOLLUX: hm

SOLLUX: 14 hour2?

KARKAT: SON OF A BITCH.

KARKAT: ALRIGHT, GET OFF YOUR FLAT ASS, WE’RE GOING OUT.

SOLLUX: what?

SOLLUX: where?

KARKAT: ANYWHERE! OUT!

KARKAT: I NEED TO BE SURE YOU HAVEN’T FUCKING ATROPHIED THE NEXT TIME I COME DOWN HERE.

KARKAT: SERIOUSLY MAN, I’M SURPRISED YOUR BRITTLE BONES HAVEN’T CRUMBLED TO DUST FROM UNDERUSE.

SOLLUX: youre one two talk, you ju2t 2pent forever chattiing iit up wiith KN liike 2ome 2ort of pale2lut beiing paiid by the hour.

KARKAT: I’M SORRY, IS TALKING TO MY *FRIEND* SOME SORT OF FUCKING FEDERAL ISSUE?

KARKAT: YOU KNOW YOU’RE MORE THAN WELCOME TO JOIN US INSTEAD OF CROUCHING HERE LIKE SOME SORT OF FUCKING GARGOYLE.

SOLLUX: what, and lii2ten two you both giiggle liike schoolwriiggler2?

SOLLUX: no thank2, iid rather 2tay here wiith my cheez puff2 and diigniity.

KARKAT: THAT SENTENCE WAS A GODDAMN CONTRADICTION AND WE’RE LEAVING RIGHT NOW ASSHOLE..

Sollux moans and whines as you drag him off of the groove he's worn into the seat and push him out the door. He drags his feet through the too bright green grass as you make your way into the sandwastes.

It’s honestly kind of beautiful out here at night, when the sun isn’t actively trying to roast you alive. It gets extremely cold at night, your breath coming out in quick puffs of fog. It doesn’t bother you much, but you notice Sollux trying to subtly push himself up against you. Tiny vermin darts past your feet and burrows into the sand, trying to make camp for the night. The night sky is streaked with crimsons and purples, dotted with distant stars.

The two of you wander aimlessly for a while, making sure that Kanaya’s hive is always in view. Part of you just wants to blabber on incessantly, somehow fill the silent void that’s settled between you both.

You keep your mouth shut.

Sollux has his hands shoved deep into his pockets, clearly regretting not grabbing a jacket before he left his old hivestem. He’s shaking slightly. 

God, you’re going to regret this until the end of time.

You abruptly stop walking and grab your friend’s hands out of his pockets. Holding them in your own, you cup them around your mouth and start to blow gently.

You _ refuse _ to look him in the eyes. Gaze planted firmly on the ground, you continue rubbing his frozen hands. Oh look, an emerald beetle, you think that’s the most interesting fucking beetle you've ever seen in your life. You think you could continue looking at this particular bug until the end of forever. You think-

SOLLUX: dude.

Don’t look up, do not look up keep your eye on that fucking insect you _ fucking scumbag _-

SOLLUX: DUDE!

KARKAT: WHAT!?!?!?!?!

You look up and- yep that was a fucking mistake. His eyes are as wide as saucers, his stupid face absolutely dumbfounded. Oh God, oh fuck _ what did you do _?

SOLLUX: what are you doiing?

Fuck, fuck, fuck, change the FUCKING subject.

KARKAT: I THINK KANAYA HAS A THING FOR SERKET.

SOLLUX: what the fuck?

KARKAT: WHAT, YOU GOT WORMS IN YOUR EARS, YOU FUCKING HEARD ME ASSHOLE!

SOLLUX: yeah, but-

KARKAT: SOLLUX I WOULD REALLY LIKE TO DISCUSS THE NATURE OF OUR DEAR, CLOSE FRIEND KANAYA’S RELATIONSHIP WITH ONE OF THE SHITTIEST WOMEN ON THE PLANET, THAT WOULD MEAN SO MUCH TO ME.

KARKAT: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WOULD MAKE ME FEEL BETTER THAN TO SIT DOWN RIGHT NOW AND HAVE A LENGTHY DISCUSSION ABOUT THAT PARTICULAR TOPIC.

SOLLUX: b-

KARKAT: SOLLUX, *PLEASE*

KARKAT: I SIMPLY DO NOT KNOW WHAT I’LL DO IF I TRY TO HOLD A CONVERSATION ABOUT LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE SOLLUX CAPTOR, PLEASE RESPECT THIS AND _SIT THE FUCK *DOWN*_!

You drag him down to the cool sand below and promptly let go of his hands. You have never not looked at a person so hard in your life.

SOLLUX: ........

SOLLUX: alriight

SOLLUX: what gave you the iidea that KN and VK are a thiing?

KARKAT: FIRST OF ALL SHITNUTS, I DIDN’T SAY THEY WERE A THING, I SAID KANAYA HAD A THING FOR SERKET.

KARKAT: SECONDLY, SHE BASICALLY SAID IT IN SO MANY WORDS.

SOLLUX: are you 2ure?

KARKAT: FUCKING POSITIVE.

KARKAT: WHO ELSE WOULD IT BE?

KARKAT: OUR FRIEND GROUP ISN’T EXACTLY CRAWLING WITH LADIES SHE’D BE INTO.

SOLLUX: well what about TZ?

KARKAT: EH, SHE LIKES A CHALLENGE BUT PYROPE IS A FUCKING ENIGMA.

KARKAT: BESIDES, SHE NEVER REALLY MENTIONED SPEAKING TO KANAYA THAT MUCH.

KARKAT: NOBODY DOES, REALLY, UNLESS THEY NEED SOME BLUNT BUT CARING ADVICE ABOUT SOME IRRELEVANT ASPECT OF THEIR PATHETIC LIVES.

KARKAT: VRISKA WAS ALWAYS BITCHING ABOUT SOMETHING OR OTHER THAT KANAYA DID OR SAID.

KARKAT: IT DOESN’T TAKE A FUCKING BLAST OFF SCIENTIST TO FIGURE OUT THAT THEY *MUST* BE PRETTY CLOSE IN SOME WAY.

SOLLUX: iidk man, a lot of thii2 ju2t 2eem2 liike 2peculatiion.

KARKAT: YOU’D THINK THAT!

KARKAT: BUT I’VE ACTUALLY PUT A LOT OF THOUGHT INTO THIS IN THE PAST HALF HOUR.

SOLLUX: have you now?

KARKAT: YES.

KARKAT: WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR THEM?

SOLLUX: ugh

SOLLUX: why not.

You then proceed to spend the next hour and a half describing in excruciating detail your thesis concerning Kanaya Maryam’s love life. At one point you get up to go find a stick so you can draw diagrams illustrating your points. It really is some of your finest work. You can tell that Sollux isn’t following a word of what you’re saying, but he tries to keep his head up and not wander off in abject boredom. It feels nice, being able to talk about stupid shit of no consequence. You hadn’t felt this fired up about anything in a long while. You gesture wildly as you try to convey the intricacies of this particular romantic entanglement. 

The only reason you didn’t keep him there all night was the wind. It started to pick up after a while, blowing freezing wind and sand across your faces and dirt into your eyes. You rush back to Kanaya’s hive in the far distance, the wind howling angrily behind you. 

Sollux shuts the door behind him as you shake loose sand out of your shoes and shake it out of your hair. Kanaya would be pissed, but that argument would happen much later. 

Kanaya comes briskly downstairs from her block. Shit.

She glances briefly at the pile of sand you’ve left on her floors but makes no comment about it.

KANAYA: What Happened

SOLLUX: 2and2torm

KANAYA: Fuck

KARKAT: WHAT’S UP?

KANAYA: Sandstorms Out Here Can Last Days At A Time

KANAYA: Were Essentially Locked Inside

KARKAT: FUCK.

The three of you stand there for a moment, wondering what to do with yourselves. Sollux looks over at you. 

SOLLUX: you wanna fiinii2h your DEADtalk?

You light up instantly.

KARKAT: HELL FUCKING YES.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for taking the time to read this, please tell me what you think down in the comments. ive already finished chapter nine, ill post it sometime soon


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A nice timeskip, more solkat, you know the deal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow another update and so soon? you're welcome

Over the next two and a half sweeps, the three of you fall into a pretty comfortable routine. Most of your time was spent assisting Kanaya, a part of you knowing you’ll never really be able to repay her for putting up with you, but you try.

Other times, you spend a lot of it thinking in your block. You feel like hot garbage most always, wanting to just wander out into the wastes and get torn to pieces by fucking zombies. You’d deserve it, for wandering out into the wastes like a fucking piece of shit idiot. Instead of following through with these urges, you’d either simply not eat so the pain in your gut would be physical as well as emotional, or eat fifteen troll hot pockets in a row. Those are dark, terrible days.

The rest of your nights were spent hanging around Sollux. You could never really get enough of him. He’s still tall with gangly, loose limbs, but you like to think he’s grown into his looks. There’s a sort of quiet charm in his awkwardness, though you’d never say it. Physical contact came a lot easier to the both of you now, unafraid to throw an arm each other or hold hands while you took the occasional walk to stretch your strut fronds. It was really nice.

Every once in a while you’d fall asleep together on the longueplank, limbs twisted around each other, you trying to hold him as close to your chest as you could, feeling his pusher beat, listening to his breath, curling your fingers into his greasy hair. 

He makes your stomach churn and your chest tighten. Being around him makes you dizzy in ways you couldn’t have possibly imagined. 

There are so many little things about him that you love noticing. The way his eyes spark when he’s frustrated, how his back straightens when he pissed. How his tongue sticks out slightly when he’s concentrating or how he cracks his knuckles when he’s nervous.

You wonder if he’s noticed anything like that about you. Despite spending so much time together, you still find it hard to get a read on him. Maybe it’s the lack of pupils.

Yeah, that’s probably it.

You finally drag yourself out of your pile of old blankets and fabrics and stretch. Kanaya hadn’t had any spare recuperacoons for you and Sollux to use, instead opting to give you something soft to sleep on and supplying you with a few special sopor filled pillows instead. The things worked wonders, you pass out almost the second your head makes contact. The downside is it isn’t quite as effective at helping with your nightmares, your dreams leaving you with a choking sense of terror when you awake, drenched in sweat. You win some, you lose some.

Dragging yourself into the ablution block, you take a hard look at yourself in the mirror. 

Your injuries have long since healed, leaving a crisscrossing network of faint scars across the right side of your face. Pulling back your eyelid, you get a good look at your bloodshot eye. The thing is as good as worthless, although you can still see a little light out of it. You quit torturing yourself with the memory of the worst night of your life and splash some cold water on your face. It’s one of the one things you won’t talk about with Sollux or Kanaya.

The rest of your face isn’t so bad. Kanaya insists that you might even come close to the realm of handsome, but you wouldn’t go that far. You haven’t lost any weight, not that you were trying, and your pudgy cheeks still giving you a younger appearance. You actually had to toss your old sweater and sweatpants, having managed to grow a couple of inches, and Kanaya had been kind enough to get you some new clothes- a red and black sweatshirt with your sign plastered across the back and some simple black slacks. At first, you weren’t sure about all red, but she had quickly reassured you, gesturing to her own work clothes. You really do love what she made for you. 

Sollux had also managed to convince you to pierce your ears after pestering you about it to no end. It was some real back alley shit, he had just swiped one of Kanaya’s needles, burned it and rammed that fucker right through your ear. You had wanted to kill him at the time, you still do, but you would do it again. And you have. Several times.

Okay, maybe you’re a freak who has something for pain, moving on.

It’s a mostly slow night, the three of you hanging outside in Kanaya’s garden, watching as she brought her chainsaw to the bushes with a skilled hand. You rip grass up by the fistful, quietly dumping it on Sollux’s leg. Bugs swirl around your head and near your ears, signifying the sun would be rising soon. The glowflies wink out one by one as they go to sleep or die or do whatever the fuck they do. 

He’s gotten much taller, you’re insanely jealous about that shit, having to toss his old clothes as well. The new ones aren’t all that different, notable differences being a long sleeve shirt under his t-shirt, one side with red and black sleeves, the other with blue and black. This man will do literally anything to stick to his fucking brand. A part of you respects his dedication, another part just wants to shake him hard enough you’ll see the loose screw fall out of his pan.

Kanaya is pushing six foot two, you’re living in hell. She had traded out her skirt for something you can only describe as bell bottoms fashioned from her old skirt. If she stood still enough, you could still mistake it for a skirt. Understanding fashion in any capacity has always been a skill that’s escaped you, you still really can’t wrap your head around her shirt. It’s like, open in back? With these long, billowing sleeves, like a pirate’s shirt, nine times out of ten requiring her to push them up while she worked. She has it tucked into her pants most days.

That girl has become an enigma to you. You still talk of course- basically every day- but she always seems to be somewhere else. She insists that you aren’t bothering her, but still spends most of her time glaring at her husktop or palmhusk. Kanaya’s also taken to taking trips to the city, sometimes spending a few nights in a row. She’s completely entitled to her own private time or friends or whatever the hell, but you really wish she’d open up a little.

God, you’re one to talk.

Eyes shut, you lean your head on Sollux’s shoulder, wanting nothing more than to plant one right on his cheek. Even if Kanaya wasn’t two fucking feet away, you still couldn’t bring yourself to do it. You two are close, yes, but you still haven’t had a repeat of the first night you stayed here. No matter how badly you wanted it.

What the fuck is wrong with you.

Straightening up, you bury your hands in your pockets and tree to focus on the whirring of mechanical blades. You feel like you’re forgetting something. Is it someone's wriggling day?

A chill runs up your posture pole as Sollux runs a hand through your hair and stands up.

SOLLUX: come on

KARKAT: WHAT?

SOLLUX: ju2t come on man, ii wanna 2tretch my leg2 a liittle.

He pulls you to your feet and yells to Kanaya that you’ll be back soon. She waves goodbye and returns to her gardening.

Sollux takes your hand in his and drags you over to the side of the hive. He stops and turns to look at you, the ghost of a smile playing at his lips. You have so many feelings about that particular look.

SOLLUX: you wanna 2ee 2omethiing cool?

You raise an eyebrow and his smile widens.

KARKAT: POSSIBLY.

Sollux’s eyes light up- figuratively and literally- red and blue sparks lighting up his face. He wraps his arms around your waist and drags you right up against his chest. Holy shit.

Your face lights up as you tightly wrap your arms around his neck. He’s done this with you countless times before, and not once has it gotten any less embarrassing.

Sollux sets you both down on the roof of Kanaya’s block. Angry clouds slowly drift in from the west, threatening rain. An unusually bitter wind blows, chilling your bones. It’s almost never this cold this close to dawn out here. About to ask why Sollux hauled your ass up here, he points to your left and tells you to look. 

Way out in the distance, beyond the dark yellow sands and sour winds, you see a city. Lights are winking in the fog, drones slowly circling overhead.

You haven’t been in the city in sweeps, Sollux and Kanaya usually taking care of any errand runs. You haven’t even really set foot off of Kanaya’s property really- the hordes of undead trolls deterring any sort of snooping around you might have been inclined to. Not sure why Sollux brought you up here other than to remind you of somewhere you can’t go, you open your mouth to ask, but he slaps a hand over it.

You bite him.

SOLLUX: god, what the FUCK ii2 your deal??

KARKAT: I TOLD YOU TO CUT THAT SHIT OUT CAPTOR!

SOLLUX: ugh, ju2t 2hut the fuck up and keep lookiing.

SOLLUX: iit2 gonna 2tart 2oon.

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU-

Your voice dies in your throat as you see what your best friend had been talking about. Over the city, brilliantly colored fireworks light up the sky. The far off sound of distant cracks and booms reaches your ears. You’re completely transfixed.

You’re such a sucker for the most predictable shit.

SOLLUX: happy new 2weep KK.

KARKAT: YEAH.

He slips your hand into yours again.

You had forgotten it was the turn of a new solar cycle, most of the time you couldn’t even be bothered to know what day it was. Nights blurred into each other, one after another, unrelenting. Something about the fact that Sollux had remembered something you are certain he didn’t give two shits about just to make you happy drives you fucking nuts. 

You could die like this, alone with him. No regrets.

That’s when the sky decides to open up the fucking floodgates.

God must have been fucked up on something when he came up with acid rain. The shit hurts just enough to be one of the most irritating parts of living on this shithole planet, but not actually do enough damage to put you out of your misery. It’s absolutely mind boggling that anything can survive long enough to actually reproduce since everything is biologically engineered to kill on sight. You have no idea how seadwellers can live in an ocean tainted with this shit, nobody can even _ drink _ it. Nearly every troll just drinks soda or milk instead.

You’re both drenched when you finally race back inside. Son of a bitch you’ve never felt your mood shift so instantly, misery growing inside you like a fucking cancer. Burning acid rain is everywhere, singeing your shirt and seeping up the crack of your ass, every step you take a soaking mess. You try shaking your head, but only succeed in slapping long, wet hair in your face. Sollux takes notice and tries to cover his smile.

KARKAT: AND WHAT THE FUCK IS SO GOD DAMN FUNNY CAPTOR?

SOLLUX: nothiing

SOLLUX: ju2t loviing the wet bark fiiend look.

You punch him over and over as he laughs. Why won’t he just shut the hell up?

He stops your assault and sharply grabs you by the face, tilting it slightly. He has your full attention.

SOLLUX: you need a haiircut KK.

Slapping his hands away, you squirm out of his grip.

KARKAT: NO THE FUCK I DON’T.

SOLLUX: ii can barely look you iin eye2 diip2hiit, you almo2t have a mullet.

KARKAT: MAYBE I WANT A MULLET!

SOLLUX: nobody want2 a mullet a22hole, you end up wiith a mullet.

SOLLUX: only braiin dead reject2 and burnout2 iin fuckiing iindiie band2 want a mullet.

Your arms cover your face as you grab a fistful of wet hair. He isn’t _ wrong _, but you’ve only cut your hair a couple times before, and the results were nothing short of disastrous.

KARKAT: WELL, KANAYA’S FUCKING BUSY, SO I DON’T KNOW IF I CAN JUST DROP EVERYTHING AND-

SOLLUX: ii can do iit.

KARKAT: NO. GOD NO.

KARKAT: ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT, THAT SHIT ISN’T EVEN IN THE SAME AREA CODE OF HAPPENING.

SOLLUX: oh come on-

KARKAT: NO, YOU COME ON!

KARKAT: YOU ARE NOT COMING WITHIN A MILE FUCKING RADIUS OF ME WITH SCISSORS SHITBIRD SO DELETE THAT THOUGHT FROM YOUR FUCKING PAN AND FUCK RIGHT OFF.

SOLLUX: why are you beiing 2uch a fuckiing wiimp about thii2?

KARKAT: IT’S NOT ME BEING A FUCKING WIMP, IT’S ME NOT TRUSTING THE MAN WHO WILLINGLY DOES *THAT* TO HIS BANGS EVERY MONTH!

Your arm moves of its own accord to gently slap yourself across the face. You hate psionics so much. 

Somehow he manages to steer you into the ablution block, despite your loud protests. The hot water fogs up the air in no time, leaving you sweaty and uncomfortable. You still make him turn around while you undress from your soggy clothes- strange, considering the circumstances. Old habits are hard to break, you guess.

You lower yourself into the scalding water and immediately feel self conscious, pulling your knees tight to your chest. Why are you doing this? You can let your hair grow out forever, and anyone who has anything to say can suck it. 

KARKAT: YOU CAN TURN AROUND NOW FUCKFACE.

It isn’t as bad as you had imagined- in fact, it’s so much better. If there’s one thing you can say about Sollux, it’s that he’s good with his hands.

SHIT, that came out wrong.

The point is, it feels incredible, the way his claws scratch your scalp, working shampoo through your thick, coarse hair. A trill escapes your throat as he makes his way to the base of your horns. It drives you fucking crazy as he makes his way down to the nape of your neck, your mood once again having turned on a dime, feeling absolute fucking elation. You feel like you're seconds from passing out when he rubs the small of your back- quick, circular motions with the base of his palm. He’s enjoying this, you can tell- you don’t even have to look at him to feel his smugness. 

When you were younger, you couldn’t have possibly imagined doing something like this with someone. Yeah, you had always had some sort of elaborate fantasy of some loving matespritship or a heated kismesis, but this is something else entirely. Something wonderful.

Quit taking this so seriously, it’s a fucking haircut. 

Still, it’s over all too quickly, you rinse your hair and drain the trap, making him turn again as you grab a towel. Will you ever grow out of that? It seems so childish. 

After drying off, you wait on the edge of the trap in your towel, curled, wet hair framing your face in an unflattering manner.

The haircut itself wasn’t too bad either, although you kept your eyes shut tight the entire time so you wouldn’t have to see whatever atrocities he was committing. You must have been tense, he was constantly asking if you were alright. You weren’t, but it’s not like you could do anything about it. 

SOLLUX: hey

SOLLUX: iive been done for liike 15 miinute2.

SOLLUX: you plan on lookiing any tiime 2oon?

KARKAT: NO.

SOLLUX: eat 2hiit

KARKAT: GOD, FINE!

Accepting defeat, you open your eyes and check out the damage.

Huh.

He cut it much shorter than you anticipated, but it’s not _ bad _. It isn’t quite an undercut, but the idea is there. You run a hand through it, turning your head to the side. Your damp hair is still curled slightly. You like the way it frames your face.

You will not give Sollux the satisfaction of being privy to your surprise at his above average work.

He waits outside your block for you while you throw on some dryer clothes- one of Kanaya’s old t-shirts and some boxers. Yelling for him to come inside, you pat the space next to you when he steps inside. He takes his seat next to you, not waiting to start messing with your hair again. A low rumble grows in the base of your throat, melding with the patter of rain on glass, a reminder of the storm outside.

SOLLUX: 2o?

KARKAT: IT’S FINE.

SOLLUX: iit2 great riight?

KARKAT: DON’T PUSH IT.

SOLLUX: ehehehe, alriight.

Nothing is said between the two of you for a while. Normally, you’d be fine with this arrangement. No need to complicate things with unnecessary bickering, but today you have a lot on your mind. 

You care about Sollux deeply, but you always find it so hard to just talk to him. Your throat grows dry, and somehow every somewhat serious conversation turns into you two trading barbs back and forth. It’s like a switch flips in your pan, making everything you say come out wrong. It’s exhausting, honestly, having to constantly back peddle on your words. Despite all of that, you still need to say this.

Shaking yourself out of your stupor, you sit up and look over at Sollux. 

KARKAT: WHAT DO WE DO AFTER THIS?

SOLLUX: ii wa2 thiinkiing about pa22iing out tbh.

KARKAT: NO IDIOT, I MEANT LIKE, IN THE FUTURE.

KARKAT: WE CAN’T STAY HERE FOREVER.

KARKAT: AND EVEN IF WE COULD, I DON’T REALLY THINK THAT I WANT TWO?

SOLLUX: huh

SOLLUX: iim not really 2ure?

SOLLUX: what would you want two do?

KARKAT: I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE!

KARKAT: IT’S NOT LIKE WE CAN STAY ON THIS DESOLATE ROCK.

KARKAT: WE HAVE, WHAT, ABOUT A SWEEP BEFORE KANAYA HAS TO LEAVE FOR HER TRIALS?

KARKAT: THEN IT’LL JUST BE US, STRANDED HERE, ILLEGALLY AND WITH A BRIGHT RED FUCKING TARGET ON OUR BACKS.

KARKAT: IT’S JUST-

You bury your face into your hands.

KARKAT: GOD, IT’S ALL SO MUCH, ALL THE TIME.

KARKAT: IT NEVER FUCKING STOPS, THERE IS LITERALLY ALWAYS SOMETHING WAITING TO FUCK US.

Sollux says nothing for a moment, opting to gently bring you closer, setting you in between his knees, your back to his chest.

KARKAT: SOLLUX, I- I’M GLAD THAT YOU’RE HERE WITH ME, I REALLY AM.

KARKAT: I THINK THESE PAST FEW SWEEPS ARE THE ACTUAL HAPPIEST I’VE EVER BEEN, YOU KNOW?

KARKAT: BUT YOU JUST MAKE EVERYTHING SO *HARD*.

KARKAT: ALL MY LIFE, THERE’S BEEN THIS HORRIBLE, ALL CONSUMING PIT INSIDE ME.

KARKAT: IT’D BE SO EASY TO JUST SAY “FUCK IT!” AND THROW MYSELF IN.

KARKAT: TAKE MY CHANCES BY MYSELF AND DIE FAST AND BLOODY.

KARKAT: BUT I CAN’T DO THAT TO YOU! I CAN’T BUT I WANT TO AND IT MAKES ME FEEL SO FUCKING SHITTY AND SELFISH ALL THE TIME.

Sollux still doesn’t say anything so you keep going.

KARKAT: I’M TIRED A LOT.

KARKAT: DOING ANYTHING DRAINS ME, I JUST WANT TO FUCKING CURL INTO MYSELF AND DISAPPEAR FOREVER.

KARKAT: WOULD YOU HATE ME? IF I WAS GONE?

KARKAT: ALL THIS TIME YOU’VE INVESTED, FOR NOTHING.

KARKAT: I LIKE TO TELL MYSELF THAT YOU WOULDN’T, BUT THEN I KNOW DEEP DOWN THAT I’D HATE YOU.

KARKAT: I’D HATE YOU SO MUCH IF SOMETHING HAPPENED TO YOU.

KARKAT: BECAUSE I CARE ABOUT YOU SOLLUX.

KARKAT: I LOVE YOU.

KARKAT: AND I HATE YOU, AND PITY YOU, AND ALL THE OTHER LITTLE EMOTIONS SEEPING INTO THE CRACKS.

KARKAT: AND IT SUCKS.

Goddamn, do you wish he would say something. The silence has taken its toll, the rain on the window deafening. Shifting awkwardly in his lap, you drape your legs over his and lie on your back.

You open your mouth to try and stave off the quiet, but you’re quickly silenced by Sollux swiftly leaning down and pressing his lips against yours.

Oh.

_ Oh _.

You feel him begin to pull back and quickly grab the back of his head, crashing his mouth against yours again. Your chest swells with joy as your stomach churns with guilt as you kiss, you shouldn’t be this happy, you were literally just talking about how you want to die alone, but it’s hard to focus on your woes as Sollux pulls you up by the hips and sits you in his lap again, your chests pressed right up against one another. His hand comes right back up to your hair, scratching the base of your skull. The other wanders under your shirt and son of a fuck you’re going to kill him this man is so good at back rubs what the shit. 

Unspeakable, blasphemous noises escape your mouth as you lean into him, reaching up to scratch the base of his stupid horns. Psionics spark from his eyes and race up your body, setting your nerves on fire.

Motherfuck, are you really thinking about this shit while making out with someone? What the hell is wrong with you? Just enjoy the moment you fucking horndog! Also, stop yelling at yourself while making out, you really shouldn’t have to say this.

You try to get out of your own head focus on how you never want this to end, how you just want to crawl inside his chest and live inside there forever FUCK that was creepy, okay, dial it back Vantas, quit being such a fucking virgin and just-

A loud banging startles you out of your embrace. It’s strong enough to rattle the walls, and is incessant.

The mood has thoroughly been ruined. You are pissed.

You angrily crawl out of Sollux’s arms and give him a look. This discussion _ will _ be continued at a later date, you’d make sure of it. Rushing downstairs, you can’t believe the timing of all of this. Who in the _ fucking goddamn hell _ would be deranged enough to come all the way out to the motherfucking sandwastes in the middle of an acid storm right before sunup?

You roughly swing open the door and feel as if you’ve been punched in the gut. A familiar face greets you. 

An eight-eyed, incredibly smug face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to be completely honest i just really wanted vriska to be here i love her alot  
hope you liked it, im so embarrassed, kissing scenes are weird


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Good ol fashioned Serket exposition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapters more of a segue to the next one if im being completely honest

VRISKA: V8NTAS????????

KARKAT: OH GOD.

Vriska’s face splits into a wide grin, eyes narrowed. Of all the knuckle scraping mouthbreathers that could have wandered out here, it just _ had _ to be _ her _didn't it.

She seems to have gotten taller; you say seems because you’ve only spoken face to face once or twice and you could just be misremembering. She still seems to be just as terrible as you remember her, though.

You can practically smell how excited she is to start pestering you.

The sides of her head have been shaved and she wears the rest in a tight ponytail. For some reason, her robot arm is missing, the long sleeve of a flannel shirt tied messily around her stump.

Vriska grabs you with her good arm, roughly inspecting your face. You immediately begin pulling back- who the_ actual fuck _ does she think she is- and her good eye lands on your bad one.

Goddammit. 

VRISKA: Oh maaaaaaaan Karkat, this is pretty gnarly!

VRISKA: Aww, now we match!

VRISKA: I mean, duh, oh course you’d want to look like me, I’m gr8.

KARKAT: I’D RATHER SAW MY OWN HORNS OFF AND SHOVE THEM UP MY NOOK THEN EMULATE YOU IN ANY CAPACITY.

VRISKA: Oh 8oo. I see you haven’t lightened up in sweeps of exile.

VRISKA: What gives, anyway? We all thought you fuckin’ 8it it dude!

KARKAT: I MEAN, THAT WAS KIND OF THE FUCKING POINT, IDIOT.

VRISKA: Oh shit!!!!!!!! You fake your death or something?

VRISKA: Impressive.

KARKAT: NOT INTENTIONALLY!!

KARKAT: THERE WAS A GODDAMN DRONE STRIKE ON MY HIVE, IT’S NOT LIKE I COULD GO BACK.

KARKAT: FUCK, COULD YOU USE YOUR PAN AND CONNECT THE DOTS HERE?

VRISKA: Don’t 8e such a 8itch Karkat, I’m just curious. It’s not a crime to ask.

VRISKA: What happened to your eye, anyway? It’s really gross.

VRISKA: W8 w8 w8, let me guess. I’m gr8 at guessing.

KARKAT: ACTUALLY VRISKA, I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.

KARKAT: NOT NOW. NOT EVER.

KARKAT: SO WOULD YOU QUIT BEING SUCH A MEDDLSOME CUNT AND SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT!?!

She lets go of your face and gives you a hard look. Fuck, this seriously isn’t her business, she’s gotten even more insufferable since you-

_ Is she actually reading your fucking mind right now _?

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK DID I *JUST* SAY??????

VRISKA: Hey, you said you didn’t wanna talk a8out it. Every8ody wins, right?

KARKAT: THAT WASN’T THE FUCKING POINT!

KARKAT: DID YOU SUFFER SEVERAL BOTCHED LOBOTOMIES WHILE I WAS GONE, OR-

KARKAT: *YOU’RE LITERALLY STILL DOING IT WHAT THE FUCK!*

VRISKA: Well, I’d 8e done 8y now if you weren’t throwing a fucking fit a8out it!

VRISKA: H8Y, don’t f8cking hit me dipshit!!!!!!!!

KARKAT: FUCK YOU!

VRISKA: F8CK Y8U!

Oh, that is _ it. _

You reach over her shoulder and yank her hair. She shrieks and stares you down, enraged. In one swift motion, she swings her leg up and knees you in the gut. _ Hard. _

All the wind having been knocked out of you, you crumple to the floor in blinding pain. Why the hell is she so bony?

Out of the corner of your eye, you see her rearing her foot back to kick you again. 

So this is how you die: beaten to death by a scrawny bitch.

The dreaded kick never comes; you hear Vriska yelp and look up. She’s being suspended upside down in the air by her foot, blue and red sparks encircling it. You scramble to your feet and spin around, seeing Sollux at the foot of the stairs, annoyed as hell. He drops his hand and Vriska falls to the ground behind you with a hard thud.

KARKAT: HA!

A hand wraps around your ankle and pulls, dragging your ass to the ground as well. Vriska Serket has been in your life for five fucking minutes and you’re more pissed than you’ve been in sweeps.

SOLLUX: holy 2hiit. ii cant leave you alone for 2 2econd2.

KARKAT: SHE STARTED IT!

VRISKA: I did N8T you l8ttle r8t!!!!!!!!

KANAYA: What Is Happening

At the sound of Kanaya’s voice, you sit up. She’s standing right behind Sollux, a stunned look on her face. Her eyes look onto Vriska and her panic quickly morphs to pointed irritation.

KANAYA: Vriska

KANAYA: What Are You Doing Here

VRISKA: Well, I was TR8ING to sur8rise my effin8 gi8lfri8nd, 8ut this li8tle fr8ak had to go and ru8n it!

SOLLUX: waiit WHAT?

KARKAT: I *KNEW* IT!!!

KANAYA: What

KARKAT: I FUCKING KNEW IT!

KARKAT: YOU AND HER, I CALLED THIS SHIT SWEEPS AGO!

KARKAT: DIDN’T I CALL IT SOLLUX?

SOLLUX: ii GUE22.

Vriska growls and finally gets to her feet, glaring at Kanaya.

VRISKA: Wh8t, you didn’t T8LL THEM?

VRISKA: And what the fuck are they doing here anyway?

VRISKA: I’ve 8een 8ugging you a8out coming to visit for ages! You always had some 8ullshit excuse a8out it too.

VRISKA: 8ut you’ll just let these two dum8shits hang around? Wh8t gives????????

VRISKA: This is real fuckin’ suspicious Maryam, if I didn’t know any 8etter, I’d suspect some kind of plot.

KANAYA: Well

KANAYA: About That

KANAYA: I Did Not Want You Visiting Here Because They Live Here

KANAYA: And I Didnt Think You Being Privy To That Particular Information Would Be

KANAYA: Good

VRISKA: WH8T? WHY NO8?

KANAYA: I Mean

KANAYA: This Entire Situation Is A Pretty Good Example

VRISKA: 8luuuuuuuuh, that’s a goddamn cop out and you know it. Why do they even live here, Four Eyes has a perfectly functional hive, doesn’t he?

KARKAT: HEY, DON’T BE A DICK!

VRISKA: Why don’t you mind your own fucking 8usiness? Is he your 8oyfriend or something? Jeez.

Huh. _ Is _ he your boyfriend? You haven’t really had time to think about it. Instead of answering, you shut your mouth and let this question consume you. 

SOLLUX: not that iit2 any of your bu2iine22, but we moved iin wiith KN when a 2quad of helm2manhunter2 wrecked my 2hiit.

SOLLUX: 2he iin2ii2ted.

VRISKA: Oh reeeeeeeeally?

KANAYA: Really

KANAYA: It Is A Perfectly Normal And Respectable People To Do For Their Friends

KANAYA: Vriska Honestly I Do Not Regret Not Filling You In Because I Figured Youd Have Some Kind Of Outburst

KANAYA: Plus Youd Tell

VRISKA: 8ullshit!!!!!!!!

VRISKA: I’m gr8 at keeping secrets!

KANAYA: Eh

VRISKA: Oh c8me 8n!

VRISKA: I keep s8crets 8ll the ti8e!I’m ke8ping several r8ght now.

KANAYA: Youve Also Been In My Hive All Of Ten Minutes And Got Into A Fist Fight With Karkat

VRISKA: Ugh, it’s not my fault he’s such a little shit.

KARKAT: I’M LITERALLY STANDING RIGHT HERE.

Her head swivels in your direction, nose wrinkled in disgust.

VRISKA: Newsflash asshole, no8ody cares!

KANAYA: Okay Everyone Who Isnt Vriska Or Me Needs To Leave Immediately I Have A Terrible Headache

KANAYA: I Have To Converse With Her Privately

KARKAT: BUT-

KANAYA: Now

You mutter angrily under your breath as you and Sollux are banished to your block. This is such complete bullshit you could use it as fertilizer. The only words you’re capable of forming right now are _ what the fuck _. That chutewhiffing frondfondler is one of the most invasive, unbearable, excruciatingly nasty hags that paradox space ever had the misfortune of shitting out. And Maryam is dating her? You mean, it’s cool that you were right about that, of course you were, you’re a goddamn genius, but she must have some sort of fucking death wish if her standards are that low.

You’ve been pacing furiously in your block, blood boiling over the sheer fucking absurdity the past few minutes have been when you feel your body seize up. Fucking psionics.

SOLLUX: youre goiing two bur2t a fuckiing blood ve22el.

KARKAT: ROT AND DIE.

SOLLUX: ii have that 2cheduled for a later date but riight now you need two calm your rumble2phere2 before you rupture 2omethiing. theyre one of your be2t feature2.

KARKAT: DO YOU THINK YOU’VE BEEN FRYING YOUR PAN WITH SWEEPS OF OVERUSING YOUR BULLSHIT MUTANT POWERS? BECAUSE I DO.

SOLLUX: ok, ii know VK ii2 one of the 2hiitiie2t nubfucker2 thii2 2iide of the planet but what the fuck are you 2o pre22ed about riight now?

SOLLUX: 2cum 2uckiing 2eadweller2 could have heard your 2creamiing match with her.

KARKAT: SHE IS JUST

KARKAT: ***SO***

KARKAT: ******MUCH******

KARKAT: WHERE IN THE FUCK DOES SHE GET OFF, ANYWAY? YOU THINK THEY’D TEACH RESPECTING SOMEONE’S PERSONAL FUCKING MENTAL BOUNDRIES DURING SCHOOLFEEDING, BUT NO!

KARKAT: APPARENTLY *SOME* PEOPLE WERE TOO BUSY GRATIFYING THEIR GROTESQUE, LARVAE INFESTED GENITALS TO BOTHER PAYING ATTENTION!!

KARKAT: I AM GOING TO CULL HER MYSELF.

KARKAT: MARK MY FUCKING WORDS, I WILL RIP HER SLURRY COATED MEAL TUNNEL OUT WITH MY OWN TEETH AND DO A GODDAMN JIG OVER HER MUTILATED CORPSE.

KARKAT: I’LL BE DOING THE EMPIRE A FAVOR. THEY’LL MAKE A HOLIDAY IN MY HONOR.

SOLLUX: KARKAT!

KARKAT: WHAT!?

SOLLUX: do you want two make out wiith me agaiin?

Your think pan short circuits as you process what Sollux’s asked. Yes, you’d love nothing more than to pause your shitfit and spend the rest of the night sucking face, straddling his hips and shredding his back with your claws. Having Sollux move from your mouth to your jaw to your throat, trailing down to your chest and stomach, settling in between your _ okay you need to calm the goddamn hell down _.

Besides, there’s something more pressing you need to talk about.

KARKAT: OKAY ONE, WE’RE PUTTING A PIN IN THAT, BUT IT WILL BE REVISITED.

KARKAT: SECONDLY, WHAT... ARE WE?

SOLLUX: ...iin what way?

KARKAT: YOU FUCKING KNOW WHAT I MEAN!

KARKAT: I WOULD LIKE TO GET SOME SORT OF CONCRETE LABEL ON THIS WHOLE... THING. AT LEAST BEFORE WE GO ANY FURTHER.

KARKAT: LIKE

KARKAT: IF SOME ASSHOLE SADDLED UP TO ME AND WAS LIKE, “WHO’S THIS DOUCHEBAG?” WOULD I CALL YOU MY...

KARKAT: MA...

The second the word begins to tumbles out of your squawk blaster Sollux raises his eyebrows. Okay, backpedal immediately.

KARKAT: KISME......

Sollux narrows his eyes. Fuck.

KARKAT: MOIR- OKAY SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK YOU’VE GOTTA WORK WITH ME HERE.

SOLLUX: do ii?

KARKAT: WHAT?

SOLLUX: do we HAVE two call iit 2omethiing?

KARKAT: AGAIN, WHAT?

SOLLUX: ergh, hone2tly kk, quadrant2 2eem kiind of wriiglerii2h.

SOLLUX: they dont actually 2erve any 2ort of purpo2e out2iide of iimperiial paiil fiilliing.

...

Is he stupid or something?

KARKAT: YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH.

SOLLUX: oh for god2 2ake2, you are NOT about two have a fuckiing fiit about thii2

SOLLUX: youve reached your biitchiing liimiit for twoday, ii feel a headache formiing.

KARKAT: NO, FUCK THAT NOISE AND EVERY QUIVERING MUMMIFIED BOVINE PHALLUS ITS GOT.

SOLLUX: do you hear the word2 comiing out of your iignorance 2haft? are you haviing a fuckiing epii2ode riight now?

KARKAT: SHUT UP I’M TALKING!

KARKAT: YOU DO *NOT* GET TO DISRESPECT QUADRANTS IN SUCH A MANNER AND THEN BRUSH IT OFF LIKE YOU DIDN’T JUST SPOUT THE HIGHEST OF BLASPHEMY.

KARKAT: DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU JUST SAID? QUADRANTS ARE THE FUCKING FOUNDATION OF FUNCTIONING SOCIETY.

KARKAT: WE WOULD FALL INTO CHAOS IF WE DID NOT UPHOLD THE UNSPOKEN SOCIAL RULES THAT GOVERN OUR LIVES.

KARKAT: CITIES WOULD BURN TO THE FUCKING GROUND, DO YOU HEAR ME?

KARKAT: DO NOT SPEAK OF THINGS WHICH YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND CAPTOR.

SOLLUX: thii2 ii2 ab2urd.

KARKAT: YOUR FACE IS ABSURD!

KARKAT: THIS IS IMPORTANT!

SOLLUX: IIT LIITERALLY II2N’T!

SOLLUX: KK, apparently youre haviing one of tho2e moment2 where youve completely lo2t control of all of your mental facultiie2 2o let me 2pell thii2 out for you.

SOLLUX: what quadrant would YOU put u2 iin, oh ma2ter of b2 2ociial poliitiic2?

KARKAT: WELL-

Well.

Well fuck. 

The amount of hours you’ve spent feverishly mulling this over in your mind is fucking revolting. On the surface, your feelings _ could _ be boiled down to conciliatory; he's your friend- best friend in fact- but then there are these little moments of doubt. Moments where you hate him so much you could tear him to pieces, or where you feel the exact opposite a few moments later. At what point does someone draw the line? Concupiscent by definition basically means that you're down to clown, but those quadrants have so much more to them than simple bucket filling. 

Not that you'd necessarily say _ no _to something like that.

You're a fucking mess.

There are so many little intricacies and hidden compartments to your relationship with Sollux, it drives you up a fucking wall. You feel like there’s something _ wrong _ with you, this shouldn’t be this fucking difficult. Quadrants are easy, they’re simple, they’re rigid and unyielding. There are hard lines in the sand, and crossing them can have irreversible consequences. Vacillation, when done correctly, can elevate basically any relationship, but if you fuck it up, you’re done- game over idiot. The key is to be able to read your mate’s intentions, which apparently you are _ laughably incompetent at _ . Was that smile implying red feelings or was it a little more on the pale side? Is him constantly fucking with your hair pale or pitch? Why is it so hard to get a solid read on this fucker? Why can’t you figure out your own goddamn feelings? Do you want to slap him or hug him or fuck _ alright this is getting ridiculous _-

SOLLUX: ok youve been 2tandiing there blue 2creeniing for the la2t forty fiive 2econd2 2o ii think my poiint2 been made.

SOLLUX: 2o 2hut your fuck2phiinctor and lii2ten.

SOLLUX: quadrant2 are made up faiirytale bull2hiit made up by the government two 2ell more bucket2, end of 2tory.

SOLLUX: wake up and 2mell the corp2e2.

SOLLUX: even the very CONCEPT of them are 2o off the rail2 it2 fuckiing laughable.

SOLLUX: oh, ii ran iintwo that taiintchafer twoday, ii hate theiir fuckiing gut2, ii mu2t be iirrevocably and totally iin love wiith them.

SOLLUX: ii hate everyone, but there2 thii2 one biitch that ii 2UPER hate 2o iil ju2t dediicate a prepo2terou2 amount of tiime two buggiing them.

SOLLUX: ii have kiind of compliicated feeliing2 about my hiivemate but iin2tead of exploriing them iin any 2ort of con2tructiive way, iill ju2t 2iit wiith my touch 2tump2 up my wa2te chute and bury tho2e feeliing2 deep iintwo the mo2t depraved rece22e2 of my 2exually repre22ed pan that wiill maniife2t them2elve2 iin the form of 2ome very iintere2tiing dream2 becau2e ii cant fiigure out whether my feeliing2 fiit iin the piink box or the red box or the black box or the FUCKIING POLKA DOT BOX!

KARKAT: UH-

SOLLUX: OK THE POIINT II2 THEYRE ALL FAKEY FAKE BULL2HIIT AND II HAVE THE WOR2T HEADACHE ABOUT ALL OF THII2 ALRIIGHT?

Fuck. Alright then.

Sollux's outburst was apparently just the thing to get you to shut up. He isn't _ wrong, _but you still don't agree with him. He's being much too linear about this. Why would quadrants be so important if they were worthless? The empire doesn't have time to prioritize shit that doesn't matter. this planet's a tightly wound machine, Sollux is just being cynical again.

Maybe they're a little less clear cut than you originally conceived, but they're still necessary. They have to be.

Glancing back at Sollux, you notice he does look a little rough. Shit, he probably wasn't lying about the headache thing. They've been getting worse lately, you can only imagine the shitstorm going on in his pan.

Recently, he's been trying to get his claws on a psionics suppressor. It's this nasty looking device about the size of an eraser that attaches at the base of a troll's neck and slowly drains their psychic energy. It's apparently painful as fuck, as well as illegal since the empire's been facing a shortage of helmsmen. You fucking wonder why.

Sollux had actually managed to restore an older one he had found online about a sweep ago, but the damn thing had nearly killed him. That godforsaken night is seared into your memory until the end of time. Who knew so much blood could leak from someone's eye sockets?

That was about when his headaches started getting much worse. He'd spend his nights in constant agony, his horrible wailing cutting through the still air like a dagger. It crushes you everytime you hear it.

He sleeps less now. You've noticed it for a while, him sitting alone in dark, absolutely still. It's much worse when he sleeps.

Do you feel sorry for him? Deep in your bones you do, but he'd never let you say it out loud. You'd never call him _ fragile _ , it's like he's being hollowed out from the inside. You can feel it in his words- in the way that he walks and acts and even thinks. The very air that he breathes is so thin, and you're just waiting for the day that he just says _ fuck it _.

SOLLUX: hey a22hole.

KARKAT: WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?

SOLLUX: ju2t makiing 2ure you diidnt diie.

SOLLUX: youve been 2tariing iintwo 2pace liike a jacka22.

SOLLUX: you fiinally wear out your pan after 2weep2 of overu2e or are you haviing 2ome kiind of 2troke?

Actually, his fucker isn't worthy of your pity.

KARKAT: DO YOU MIND SHUTTING THE FUCK UP?

KARKAT: YOU'RE MUCH EASIER TO BE AROUND WHILE YOUR PAN IS HEMORRHAGING BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO PREOCCUPIED TO KEEP RUNNING YOUR BIG MOUTH.

SOLLUX: there ii2nt any amount of paiin ii could be iin that would prevent me from calliing you a fuckiing iidiiot.

He tries to laugh at you and immediately winces in pain. Serves him right. It still doesn't stop you from scooting closer to him. He takes the hint and gingerly leans on your shoulder, taking your hand in his. Why the fuck are his hands so cold? Aren't lowbloods supposed to be unreasonably hot? You know you are, a fact you're constantly reminded of with your gross, sweaty hands. 

The door suddenly swings open unexpectedly. Who the hell-

_ Serket. _

This girl's timing is uncanny.

She looks between the two of you, Sollux still halfway passed out next to you, and apparently decides she doesn't give a shit about whatever was taking place before she interrupted. Her gaze lingers on you, jaw set.

VRISKA: Karkat, I am sorry a8out going through your depraved and thoroughly disgusting little mind.

Vriska's voice is louder than usual and clearly insincere. She's only doing this for Kanaya's benefit.

Glancing out into the hall, she gives an _ am I done with this charade _ look. Getting her answer, she shuts the door behind her and looks between the two of you.

VRISKA: So, I could comment on this adora8le little scene 8efore me, 8ut I don't actually care.

KARKAT: GREAT! GET OUT.

VRISKA: Hmmmmmmmm, nah.

VRISKA: Hey Captor, how'd you get saddled with this freak? You got a clu8 or something?

Sollux doesn't dignify that with a verbal answer, flipping her off instead. Man, he looks exhausted.

VRISKA: Man, tough crowd.

VRISKA: You know who'd get a real kick out of all of this? Terezi!

VRISKA: 8largh, right, not anymore.

You perk up at the sound of that. Fuck, you haven't thought about Terezi in so long. Did something happen to her?

Panic must have been written on your face because Vriska quickly takes notice.

VRISKA: Relax, she's not dead or anything.

VRISKA: At least I don't think she is. We aren’t all that chatty.

VRISKA: Man, no8ody tells me anything anymore! It's really annoying.

KARKAT: MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE UNPLEASANT TO TALK TO OR BE AROUND OR EVEN THINK ABOUT YOU WALKING GARBAGE FIRE.

VRISKA: May8e you should shut the fuck up!

VRISKA: It's all your fault anyway.

KARKAT: HOW THE FUCK IS IT MY FAULT? YOUR OWN TERRIBLE PERSONALITY IS YOUR OWN FAULT.

VRISKA: Not that! No8ody talks to any8ody anymore! They all turned into a 8unch of sad sacks after you left.

KARKAT: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

VRISKA: Well for one thing, we all never played that game!!!!!!!! You remem8er that oldass game Megido and Captor got from ruins? The one that would decide the f8 of the world?

VRISKA: We all couldn't play it 8ecause your ass got 8lown up and everyone was too 8ummed!

KARKAT: WOW, I'M SO SORRY MY LIFE OR DEATH SITUATION GOT IN THE WAY OF YOU PLAYING A FUCKING VIDEO GAME.

VRISKA: Oh, I'm just getting started!

VRISKA: You fucking 8roke Terezi!

KARKAT: ?????

VRISKA: A few weeks after you died, she had this 8ig melodramatic crisis of faith a8out Alternia and the justice system and institutional prejudice and all sorts or 8oring shit I couldn't make heads or tails of.

VRISKA: She 8asically lost everything that made her cool and fun and started focusing on "REAL justice", aka 8lowing up government 8uildings and shit.

KARKAT: WAIT, WHAT? SO TEREZI IS JUST A DOMESTIC TERRORIST NOW?

VRISKA: Yeah, 8asically.

VRISKA: I tried keeping in touch 8ut she is SUCH a DRAG now!

VRISKA: I really wanted to make things 8etter 8etween us after that whole incident 8ut she didn’t even care!

VRISKA: She’s so stuck in her own head now, she doesn’t play games or do that irrit8ing little cackle anymore ::::(

VRISKA: After that, our whole group just started decaying.

VRISKA: Aradia's nowhere to 8e seen, Equius and Nepeta had some weird falling out 8ecause surprise, he's still casteist as fuck and had some choice words a8out your whole mutant thing, Feferi started focusing hardcore on her heiress duties and Eridan just follows her around like a lost 8ark 8east, and no8ody's heard a peep out of Gamzee or Tavros.

VRISKA: Okay, well, Tavros finally got up the glo8es to 8lock me on Trollian and since Sollux up and vanished I had no way of getting 8ack in. Wouldn't 8e surprised if he were culled though.

VRISKA: I really h8 to say it, 8ut I think you were the one keeping us all together with your ceaseless micromanaging Karkat. Everything just sort of fell apart when you were gone.

No one says anything for a few moments. What _ can _you say? You had honestly thought that nobody would even notice if you were gone, but apparently you were the only thing keeping a dying friend group alive.

Terezi... fuck, you feel just awful for not thinking about her. She was one of your best friends, and you just let her think you were dead. You hope she's okay.

That all too familiar sensation of total guilt and utter helplessness closes around you. Why do you even feel like this? There's nothing you could have done.

You could have told her.

VRISKA: Are you a8out to cry? Please do not tell me you're a8out to cry.

No, you are not about to cry, especially not in front of her, you're practically an adult, you can keep your dismay fluid on lock down. Quit feeling so fucking sorry for yourself, it’s not _ actually _your fault Terezi flipped out. She’s her own person; she can make her own choices about her personal disillusionment. Just shove your feelings deep, deep down Vantas, act like a troll.

KARKAT: I'M NOT GOING TO FUCKING CRY.

VRISKA: Gr8! L8r losers.

KARKAT: WAIT!

You jump to your feet and follow Vriska out of your block and back downstairs.

VRISKA: G8ez, what's your pro8lem?

KARKAT: I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE IT'S THE FACT THAT YOU JUST TOLD ME A LOT OF TROUBLING SHIT ABOUT OUR FRIENDS.

KARKAT: YOU DON'T TALK TO ANY OF THEM ANYMORE?

VRISKA: Not really. I mean, Zahhak's still my neigh8or, 8ut we haven't really spoken in a while, even though I've 8een TRYING to get his attention for the past few weeks.

KARKAT: HOW COME?

She gestures dramatically to her missing appendage.

VRISKA: I need him to make me another one.

KARKAT: WHAT, DID YOU LOSE THE LAST ONE?

VRISKA: No, stupid, I lost it in a 8et. Campaign shit, you know how it is.

KARKAT: I REALLY DON'T.

VRISKA: Ugh, whatever.

VRISKA: It's not even that 8ig of a deal, 8ut my trials are coming up and I'd really like not to have such a shitty handicap.

KARKAT: OH SHIT, RIGHT.

KARKAT: HOW OLD ARE YOU AGAIN?

VRISKA: 8!!!!!!!!

VRISKA: Almost 9, really. My trials arranged for the end of the sweep. Kanaya's too.

KARKAT: OH. FUCK, I HADN'T THOUGHT ABOUT THAT.

VRISKA: Yeah, she's 8een real 8ent out of shape a8out it for a while.

Vriska gets this conspiratorial look on her face and leans closer to you, her voice lowered to a dramatic whisper.

VRISKA: 8etween you and me, she's 8een really on edge a8out the whole thing. She keeps 8ugging out whenever I 8ring it up and it's like

VRISKA: What gives????????

VRISKA: Just suck it up, every8ody who's any8ody does it.

You take a step back and give Vriska a look.

KARKAT: NOT EVERYBODY'S SO EXCITED ABOUT GETTING KICKED OFF PLANET.

VRISKA: What? Why not?

VRISKA: I can't w8 until I get to leave this dump!

VRISKA: I'll finally get to really push myself, you know? This place is nothing 8ut posers and freaks, the real challenges are out there on the ships.

VRISKA: 8eing here is such a fucking drag, everyone's so concerned with self image that they never actually DO anything cool!!! It's like a 8unch of wrigglers were given knives and a god complex, 8largh. No style.

KARKAT: ARE YOU EVEN HEARING YOURSELF RIGHT NOW?

KARKAT: YOU ARE THE SINGLE MOST SELF ABSORBED PERSON I KNOW, I BET YOU'D GET OFF ON YOUR OWN REFLECTION IF GIVING HALF A CHANCE.

VRISKA: Oh, shut UP, I'm 8eing serious here.

KARKAT: I KNOW YOU ARE, I JUST HADN'T REALIZED SOMEONE COULD BE THIS FUCKING DELUSIONAL.

KARKAT: IT'S ASTONISHING, REALLY. PEOPLE COULD STUDY YOU.

VRISKA: Ugh, I don't know why you're suddenly so self righteous a8out this. You know half the planet's nothing 8ut a 8unch nothing 8ut a 8unch of poser, pants-wetting schmucks. It is un fucking real.

VRISKA: Every8ody wants to 8e such a 8ig shot, 8ut when you give them a chance, they just shit the fucking cocoon.

VRISKA: I really h8 to say it, 8ut you're one of the only people I know who actually grew a pair of glo8es. Although that seems to 8e a recent development, 8ut my point still stands.

VRISKA: I'm honestly fucking floored that you aren't dead, man. You've got some grit.

KARKAT: UH, THANKS?

VRISKA: ;;;;)

VRISKA: I 8et you would have killed it in your trials if you weren't a mutant. Or at least not completely fucking 8lown it.

KARKAT: I'M NOT SO SURE.

VRISKA: What? You 8itchin' out on me Vantas?

KARKAT: NO, FUCK OFF I JUST-

KARKAT: I'M JUST NOT AS GUNG HO ABOUT THIS KIND OF THING AS I USED TO BE I GUESS.

KARKAT: I USED TO HAVE THESE ELABORATE PLANS TO TEAR THROUGH MY TRIALS AND BE SO IMPRESSIVE NOBODY WOULD EVEN GIVE A SHIT THAT I WAS OFF SPECTRUM.

KARKAT: IT ALL JUST SEEMS SO FUCKING JUVENILE NOW.

KARKAT: EVEN IF YOU DO SOMEHOW MANAGE TO GET THROUGH YOUR TRIALS, YOU'RE JUST LAUNCHED INTO THE COLD, UNFEELING HEART OF SPACE TO GO WRECK HIVE ON SOME BACKWATER PLANET FOREVER.

KARKAT: IT'S IMPRESSIVE, BUT IN THIS SIMPLISTIC, COMIC BOOK KIND OF WAY. YOU ENSLAVE A PLANET, TAKE A FEW BOUNTIES, THEN MOVE THE FUCK ON.

KARKAT: EVEN IF YOU CARRY FAVOR WITH THE EMPRESS THAT'S MORE HER TAKING NOTE ON HOW YOU MIGHT BE A POTENTIAL ENEMY SOMEDAY THAN ANYTHING ELSE.

KARKAT: I DON'T BLAME KANAYA FOR BEING SO FREAKED, SHE DOESN'T EVEN GET TO HAVE A CONCUPISCENT PARTNER. WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THAT?

VRISKA: W8, for real?

Vriska looks genuinely stunned at this revelation. Did she really not know?

KARKAT: DUH! WE WERE TAUGHT THAT DURING SCHOOLFEEDING, KEEP UP.

VRISKA: Ooooooooh shit.

VRISKA: What the f8ck!

KARKAT: I KNOW!

KARKAT: NOT EVERYBODY GETS TO HAVE KICK ASS SPACE ADVENTURES. MOST TROLLS HAVEN'T GOT A SINGLE SHRED OF HOPE BEYOND THE FACT THAT THEY ARE CERTAIN THAT ONE DAY THEY'LL FINALLY DIE.

VRISKA: ...

VRISKA: GOD, you're such a fucking 8ummer.

KARKAT: THANKS, I'VE DEDICATED A LOT OF MY TIME IN EXILE TO BEING A PEDANTIC ASSHOLE ABOUT LITERALLY EVERYTHING.

VRISKA: Psh, like you weren't one 8efore.

Vriska cackles at her shitty joke and saunters over to Kanaya's meal vault. She picks her way through bruising fruits and dried meats and grabs an old slice of pizza, immediately biting into it, freezing cold and everything. What the fuck is wrong with her? There's a food furnace like, right next to her.

VRISKA: Don't look at me like that.

KARKAT: LIKE WHAT?

VRISKA: Like you have anything 8etter to do.

KARKAT: OH MY GOD YOU JUST REMINDED ME! I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THIS CONVERSATION ANYMORE.

VRISKA: Come on, we 8oth know I'm the 8addest 8itch you've spoken to in sweeps.

VRISKA: 8esides, you still haven't told me what you're gonna do when Maryam leaves. You planning on camping out in her a8andoned hive forever?

KARKAT: NO! WE HAVEN'T... GOTTEN THAT FAR.

VRISKA: Hahahahahahahaha! You 8oys are fucking hopeless.

KARKAT: LOOK, WE MIGHT NOT STAY HERE, BUT WE COULD PROBABLY FIND SOME CORNER OF THE PLANET TO LIVE WITHOUT DRONES UP OUR 8ONE NOOKS.

Vriska shakes her head, amused.

VRISKA: Nope! After your little "incident", they've really 8een cracking down on making sure more mutants hadn't gotten past the system.

VRISKA: It was a massive em8arrasment on the empire's part, honestly. You were six! Six entire sweeps some gru88y little interloper managed to slip through the cracks unnoticed.

KARKAT: HEY!

VRISKA: Don't shoot the messenger, thems the 8r8ks!

VRISKA: Cities are 8asically crawling with drones, sentries, you name it. If there WERE any other mutants, you've 8asically doomed them.

KARKAT: HOLY SHIT.

KARKAT: WAIT, IF THEY'VE DOUBLED DOWN ON IT, THEN WHY DON'T THEY SEND ANY OUT HERE?

VRISKA: Must've figured you were good as dead out here, 8etween the heat and the zom8ies. I wouldn't count on them overlooking that for much longer.

VRISKA: They really aren't fucking around.

SHIT. FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK?

Okay, you really need to make a backup plan in the next few weeks, this is fucking ridiculous. You really shouldn't be as surprised as you are, what the fuck did you think would happen? Your notoriously ruthless government would just happen to overlook the first mutant in a millennia? Look, you've had your resting period, now it's time to kick shit into high gear.

VRISKA: You good? you look like you're a8out to upchuck.

KARKAT: YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH. I AM ABSOLUTELY FUCKING PEACHY. REALLY JUST BLISSED THE FUCK OUT RIGHT NOW.

KARKAT: WHERE THE FUCK IS KANAYA?

VRISKA: Up in her 8lock. She's in a mood right now, something's got her 8ulge all in a knot.

You disregard that and race up the two flights of stairs to Kanaya's block, Vriska following closely behind. Does she really have nothing better to do?

Kanaya's at her desk when you burst in, her mood immediately soured when she sees who's burst into her block for seemingly no reason. A needle is in her hand, thread winding around her wrist and-

Oh god.

Kanaya's recently picked up a new (and frankly, horrifying) habit of embroidering the palm of her hand, out of boredom more than anything. She just does it so casually, like she isn't fucking _ stitching her skin _. It isn't half bad either, you just wished she'd stop doing it right next to you while you're trying to eat.

You quickly avert your eyes and clearly your throat.

KANAYA: Do You Need Something

KARKAT: DO YOU THINK THERE’S ANYWAY YOU COULD GET OUT OF YOUR TRIALS?

Kanaya's glare shifts over to Vriska, who takes a slight step back.

KANAYA: What Did She Tell You

KARKAT: NOTHING SPECIFIC, JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION.

Kanaya holds her gaze and you can feel Vriska growing antsy behind you. Does she practice this in the mirror?

KANAYA: No

KANAYA: I Shall Enter The Evaluation Arena And Hopefully Exit A Fully Fledged Matron Of The Caverns

KANAYA: Same As Most Of My Caste

KARKAT: GREAT, WHAT THE FUCK ARE SOLLUX AND I SUPPOSED TO DO THEN?

KANAYA: I

KANAYA: Actually Hadnt Thought Of That

KANAYA: Perhaps We Could Find Somewhere Remote On Planet You Can Stay

KARKAT: NOPE, VRISKA ALREADY SHOT THAT DOWN.

KANAYA: Well

KANAYA: Shit

KANAYA: I Suppose Drone Squadrons Have Been Getting A Little Excessive Lately

VRISKA: That's what I said!!!!!!!!

This is a fucking disaster. How could you not have thought about this sooner? Fuck, your breath is shortening. Stop breaking down, Karkat. Stop having a fucking breakdown this instant. 

Quit it.

Stop.

_ STOP FREAKING OUT YOU FUCKING SPAZ- _

VRISKA: Is he...ok? He looks constipated.

KANAYA: Yeah He Does That Sometimes

KANAYA: Itll Pass

KARKAT: I'M!!!!! OK!

KARKAT: DISREGARD WHATEVER THE FUCK WAS HAPPENING PREVIOUSLY, IT HAS NO BEARING ON PRESENT KARKAT.

VRISKA: Your hands are shaking dummy.

KARKAT: SHUT! UP! NO MORE WORDS!

KARKAT: ME FLIPPING OUT HAS ABSOLUTELY NO IMPACT ON THE CURRENT CONVERSATION SO SHUT YOUR YAPS AND FUCKING LISTEN.

KARKAT: I *CANNOT* STAY HERE IN A FEW MONTHS. I CANNOT BE ON *ALTERNIA* IN A FEW MONTHS.

VRISKA: So are you going to sneak onto an imperial ship or something?

KARKAT: DID YOU DROP A MILLION IQ POINTS IN THE PAST TEN SECONDS?

KARKAT: SHIT LIKE THAT NEVER WORKS. EVERY SWEEP THERE ARE A FEW SLOWER TROLLS WHO THINK THEY'RE THE MAGICAL EXCEPTION TO THE RULE AND TRY TO SNEAK ONTO A SHIP WITH THEIR QUADRANTMATE THINKING THAT THE POWER OF LOVE WILL SAVE THEIR ASSES.

KARKAT: IT'S LAUGHABLE, AS WELL AS A FUCKING DEATH WISH.

KARKAT: WHAT ARE YOU EVEN SUPPOSED TO DO *IF* A PLAN LIKE THAT COULD WORK? HIDE ON THE FUCKING VENTS LIKE SOME SORT OF DERANGED CLOWN?

KARKAT: THERE HAVE TO BE OTHER WAYS TO GET OFF PLANET RIGHT?

KANAYA: Not To My Knowledge

VRISKA: Weeeeeeeell, there is one way.

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

VRISKA: Plenty of adults get their own priv8 ships to make quick errands you know.

KARKAT: NO.

VRISKA: Yes.

KARKAT: NO!

VRISKA: Yessssssss!

KARKAT: YOU'RE CERTIFIABLE. THAT'S GUARANTEED SUICIDE.

VRISKA: Are you scared?

KARKAT: YES! BECAUSE YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT SOMEHOW OVERPOWERING AND ROBBING A FUCKING *ADULT*, A HIGHBLOOD AT THAT.

KARKAT: THEY’RE THE ONLY ONES ALLOWED PRIVATE SHIPS DUMBASS.

VRISKA: I KN8W THA8!!!!!!!!

VRISKA: We're all adults practically, 8esides, you don't need to overpower them if you're sneaky enough a8out it.

KARKAT: KANAYA, COULD YOU PLEASE INFORM YOUR GIRLFRIEND OF HER EXTENSIVE MENTAL DAMAGE, APPARENTLY I'M NOT GETTING THROUGH.

KANAYA: Well

KARKAT: NO!

KANAYA: It Isnt The Worst Idea Ive Heard

KANAYA: I Mean

KANAYA: It Definitely Is Up There

KANAYA: But That Doesnt Mean It Should Be Dismissed Entirely

KARKAT: SO BOTH OF YOU HAVE LOST IT! FAN FUCKING TASTIC!

KANAYA: Karkat Relax

KARKAT: FUCK YOU! YOU DON'T GET TO TELL ME TO CALM DOWN!

KARKAT: I'VE BEEN SUPPRESSING THIS FREAK OUT FOR A FEW HOURS NOW, I MIGHT JUST GO ALL THE WAY AND SHIT MY PANTS HERE AND NOW!

VRISKA: Ew.

KARKAT: NEITHER OF YOU HAVE ACTUALLY CONTRIBUTED ANYTHING TO THIS CONVERSATION THAT DOESN'T SUCK TOTAL ASS, SO I FEEL LIKE I'VE EARNED THIS!

KARKAT: YES, I CAN FEEL IT NOW, ALL THE IRRATIONAL EMOTIONS I'VE BEEN SUPPRESSING IN FAVOR OF BECOMING A MORE MATURE PERSON ARE NO SUDDENLY AND INEXPLICABLY FLOWING FORTH LIKE A MIGHTY WATERFALL.

KARKAT: READ IT AND WEEP LADIES.

VRISKA: How the fuck have you lived with him this long?

KANAYA: Investing In Earplugs Helps

KANAYA: Karkat

KANAYA: Stop Doing Whatever It Is You Are Doing And Listen

KANAYA: One Its Embarrassing

KANAYA: And Two However Valid Your Complaints Are We Still Have Plenty Of Time To Come Up With Something Less Foolhardy

KARKAT: YEAH RIGHT.

KARKAT: WITH MY LUCK, WE BASICALLY HAVE UNTIL THE END OF THE WEEK UNTIL WE GET COLOSSALLY FUCKED.

KARKAT: I THINK I HEAR THE DRONES NOW!

KANAYA: Dont Be Dramatic

KARKAT: HEY, SERKET, WHAT'S WITH YOU?

VRISKA: Shush!

VRISKA: I think I-

Suddenly, Vriska rushes over to the window, eye trained on the growing dawn.

You feel uneasy.

KANAYA: Vriska This Isnt Funny

VRISKA: I SA8D SHUT 8T!!!!!!!!

VRISKA: L88k!

You and Kanaya race over to the window and look into the sky.

There's nothing there. That lying bitch-

Oh, wait- a little to left.

Much to your chagrin, you still have the worst luck on the fucking planet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading, love yall, would really help if you gave me any notes


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Super involved drone fight and some other bullshit happens, Karkat cries like a bitch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back folks sorry this took longer this chapter was involved and im busy so here we go.  
tw for character death and suicide is kind of brought up

This is shaping up to up to be yet another fine addition to your already sizable list of the worsts days of your fucking life.

Kanaya turns to look at you, eyes wide with fear.

KANAYA: Ive Got This

KANAYA: Go Get Sollux

KARKAT: BUT-

KANAYA: Go

You rush down the stairs, feet flying underneath you and nearly tripping over them as you make your way from Kanaya’s weird tower block. Bursting into your block, you see Sollux still curled up pathetically on the cold floor. You hurry to his side to see that he apparently fell asleep at some point. His face is screwed up in anguish, he must be having another nightmare- or maybe it’s his headache? Either way, it pains you to see him like this.

You try to gently shake him awake but he isn’t budging. He feels limp in your grip, more passed out than asleep. Your shaking quickly grows more violent until his eyes snap open and he shoots you a murderous glare.

SOLLUX: what the hell are you doiing?

KARKAT: SOLLUX, WE GOTTA GO-

SOLLUX: ARGH- DON’T-

SOLLUX: don’t do that.

KARKAT: WHAT?

SOLLUX: that!

SOLLUX: the fuckiing- yelliing... ii can barely 2ee 2traiight.

KARKAT: (OH GOD.)

KARKAT: (IS THAT BETTER YOU DELICATE FLOWER?)

SOLLUX: not really.

SOLLUX: fuck, you really cannot be quiiet can you?

KARKAT: (NOPE.)

KARKAT: (NOW IF YOU’RE WASTING EVERYONE’S TIME WITH YOUR COMPLAINING WE KIND OF HAVE TO HAUL ASS LIKE RIGHT FUCKING NOW.)

SOLLUX: what the fuck are you-

Your friend is swiftly cut off by a thunderous boom and clatter of debris all around you. You’re knocked flat on your ass and sent careaning painfully into the wall behind you. Dust is swirling all around you and smoke fills your air sacs. You can barely breathe. A dull ache creeps into your head after you slammed it into the concrete. Your vision is doubled, you try to stand but dizziness overtakes you, falling back to the floor almost as soon as you left it. The sun is shining at full blast from the fresh hole that’s been blasted, it’s already starting to warm up.

Sweat begins to form on the nape of your neck, the light blinding you as badly as all of the dust in the air.

Fuck, where is Sollux? 

Frantically looking back and forth, you try to make him out in the fog. Oh god, was he hit? You can barely remember what just happened and it was only a few seconds ago! Panic begins clawing at your gut, raw and familiar. Sollux _ can’t _ be dead. If he’s dead, you don’t know _ what _you’d do. Fresh tears well up in your eyes as you blindly grab around. 

Your hand finally lands on something that isn't rubble or fabric. Gripping his wrist, you roughly pull him towards you. Shit, how do you check a pulse? You feel his wrist in a few different places, but you aren’t exactly sure of what you’re doing. Not feeling anything, you quickly check his neck. That’s a thing right? Checking the neck, that’s absolutely a thing, you aren’t just making that up in desperation.

Something throbs faintly just underneath his skin. Oh thank the gods, cruel as they may be.

Sollux is still out cold though. You maneuver him as best you can, wrapping his arms around your neck and scooping up his legs. You stand slowly, not wanting to topple over and potentially fuck him up even further. Right as you straighten your legs another shock shakes the hive to its core. Rubble rains down from above, coating you and Sollux in a blanket of dirt. The hive’s foundation shudders and goans, the wall to your right starts to crack. With every strike, the crack grows, plaster flaking off in its wake. You’ve got to move.

Hurrying out of there before it completely collapses on you both, you maneuver down the stairs as fast as you can while carrying Sollux. He’s lighter than you thought he would be. He feels so small in your grasp, in the rare few seconds of silence you think you can almost hear his shallow breaths. You have to get him out of hare, you need to keep him safe.

Kanaya has a cellar, the door to it being a little hatch in her mealblock floor. You remember her showing it to you about a sweep earlier. It was dank and earthy, all the walls and floors made of dirt. It was where she keeps most of her landscaping tools, all the heavy duty shit that wouldn’t really fit in her hive proper and would otherwise just take up space in her sylladex. She has some serious machinery down there, you couldn’t lift it if you tried, although you have no interest in touching some of that shit any time soon. 

Leaving Sollux down there doesn’t sit right with you but you can’t think of anything else to do. The hive creaks aggressively, as if reminding you about your impending doom if you don’t hurry it up. Making your way over to the mealblock, you gingerly place Sollux onto the black and white tiled floor and begin looking for the hatch. It’s hidden, probably for situations just like this. Even living out in the sand wastes doesn’t guarantee some shit like this won’t go down and you’re grateful for Kanaya’s foresight.

You trace a claw along each tile, prying at their edges until you find what you’re looking for. A cluster of eight tiles lifts with relative ease, you push the ceramic out of the way and peer into the darkness. 

A rickety set of splintered wooden stairs lead into the space below. Sollux should be fine down there, although you wish there was a light. No, wait- Kanaya has some lanterns down there, The crawlspace apparently connects to a vast system of tunnels, though she admitted to not knowing how to navigate them. The lights are mostly a last resort, nobody has “get lost underground and die of starvation” as their first option, do they? The air around you grows acrid. Is something burning? 

Turning back towards the stairs a black tendril of smoke slowly wafts down. Oh, cool- now Kanaya's hive is burning to the ground. Let’s put that on the list of shit that you have to deal with in the next half hour.

Groaning, you scoop Sollux back up and descend underground. Smoke rises, he should be mostly okay down here. You try to tell yourself that as your pan tries to run a million different scenarios about what could go horribly wrong, each one more gruesome than the last. Pushing them aside and putting Sollux back down, you take a hard look at him. You wish you would have brought a blanket or something. He looks utterly miserable- just lying in the dirt, face still etched with pain. 

Should you leave him a note or something? He’s probably going to be pretty fucking confused waking up in a dirt pit completely alone. Looking around, you spot a lantern and switch it on, its blue flame casting an eerie glow over your unconscious friend. It’s probably a pointless gesture- trolls have fucking night vision idiot- but something about not leaving him in a pitch black pit makes you feel just the tiniest bit better while the rest of you is drowning in terror. You uncaptchalogue a pen and hastily scribble a note on his arm before planting a quick kiss on his forehead and racing back to ground level.

You _ will _see him again.

SOLLUX

DRONES ARE HERE. HIVE IS BURNING. IF I'M NOT BACK IN AN HOUR HEAD INTO THE TUNNELS TO YOUR FAR LEFT. DO NOT FUCKING STOP. DO NOT WAIT FOR ME AND DON’T DO ANYTHING INCREDIBLY STUPID.

I LOVE YOU.

KARKAT

You replace the tile, the floor now immaculate once more, You really hope that’ll keep most of the smoke out. Part of you wants to just run back down there- you can’t just leave him like that- but you know that would be unbelievably selfish of you to just cower down there. You’re the reason the drones are here now, you’re the reason Kanaya’s hive is destroyed. This is your problem and by God you’re going to fucking fix it or die trying 

Before heading outside you equip something Kanaya had whipped up for you a while back. It’s a cloak, coal black and heavy, with a silver chain that fastens around your neck. You had thought it was a bit much at the time, but you admit it did its job exceptionally well. With the hood up, you can actually go out into daylight for a few hours. You’ve rarely used it, you still aren’t exactly a fan of the daytime hours, but Kanaya likes having you along on walks sometimes, apparently growing lonely on her diurnal schedule while you and Sollux are fast asleep. Fighting in this thing means it’ll most likely get ruined, but you’ll cross that bridge when you burn it. There’s also a matter of the acid rain but once again, kind of a low priority.

At last, you finally equip your trusty sickles. You haven’t used these bad boys seriously in sweeps, which probably doesn’t bode well for your chances against fucking drones, but you don’t care. They feel good in your hands, you like the weight of them. If you actually manage to survive this not completely pulverized, you’ll have to try some friendly sparring with Sollux.

Who you’ll definitely see after this, because neither of you are going fucking die. Not today. 

You hold that thought in your mind as you head outside.

The rain has let up a lot, only a mild drizzle now, but the droplets still sting something fierce as they spray your face. You squint your eyes and peer out into the distance, raising a hand to keep the blistering sun’s light out of your face with little effect.

The air smells electric and sour, just up ahead you can hear the blast of lasers and the revving of a mighty engine. Definitely Kanaya.

You race over towards the sound as fast as your legs will carry, cape whipping behind you, rain beating you in the face and slippery mud and grass sliding out from underneath you, nearly sending you careening towards the ground.

As you crest a hill you stop dead in your tracks, surveying the carnage below. 

The sky has grown dark with smoke but nothing can muffle the intensity of your planet's godforsaken sun, a red eye in the sky coldly observing the horrors beneath it. The entire backside of Kanaya's hive has been blown to smithereens, burning fabric fluttering sadly in the wind. You can almost see your block from here. Parts of it are still burning, bright green flames licking the bright white walls of the once glorious hive of Kanaya Maryam. 

The lawnring is burning as well, scorching the luscious greenery and topiary until they're nothing but smoking remnants of ash.

In the middle of it all is Kanaya, teeth bared and face set alight with such a fire and intensity that you've never had the misfortune of seeing before. She's crouching low, caked in mud and smoking slightly from the rain. It's quite the sight.

She's gripping her weapon tight, but it isn't her usual chainsaw. A few months ago she had deemed the contraption too clunky and hard to maneuver practically during strifes and had opted to upgrade. What she now wielded was some unholy combination of a chainsaw and a katana- much more streamlined, built to maim, to kill. 

She holds it in a death grip, whirring blades pointed at the ground with murder in her eyes. Her hair whips wildly around her face as the wind shifts, gaze held steady on the mechanical beast before her, hovering just a few feet ahead.

With a primal scream ripping through her throat she charges at the monstrosity and leaps a good six feet in the air right as the thing shoots at her again. It narrowly misses evaporating her by inches. She twists in the air and swings her blade over her head, savagely ripping a chunk of its chitinous skull off as she passes overhead. 

She lands hard behind it, kicking up mud and dirt as she hits the ground, but quickly rises to her feet and gears up for another attack.

A shrill shriek draws your attention away from Kanaya. 

Vriska is standing at the edge of the lawnring with her back to you, pulling at hair in frustration. The drone before her regards the blueblood with a cold disinterest before pulling back an arm and aiming right for her head. She just barely ducks in time, slamming onto the ground.

The blast streaks past her and OH SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK!

You dive out of the way and tumble painfully down the hill falling ass over horns. Behind you, the blast collides with another one of the hive's walls, rendering it to a smoking pile of ash.

You look up in time to see Vriska's situation grow worse with every passing second. She looks winded, the tyrannical heart beating down on her every moment and her grey skin flushing to a dark blue. The drone is relentless, firing shot after shot at her, barely giving her time to get back to her feet. 

She frantically rolls to her left, just narrowly missing being fried and quickly throws herself forward right as the drone. She trips and topples, once again having to crawl for her life.

It suddenly hits you- she's missing her dumbass robot arm. It's throwing her off balance. She isn't used to fighting without out and these conditions aren't exactly ideal.

Shit, you've got to stop gawking at her like a fucking jackass and help. You scramble to your feet and look down at your sickles, then back up at that drone. Absolutely not. If you got close to that thing it'd burn you to a crisp.

You already feel your feet dragging you over towards it though. Shit, fuck, alright, plan. What the fuck is your plan again?

You stop a good fifteen feet away from it, the thing's sights still firmly set on Serket. It's got her running in her circles, you think she might be looking for something in her sylledex. You really wish she'd hurry up and find whatever useless shit she needs. You're about to do something unspeakably stupid.

You steel yourself and open your big mouth.

KARKAT: HEY GRUBFUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!

KARKAT: OVER HERE!!!!!!!!!!

You pull your arm back behind your head and chuck your sickle as hard as you can. It hits the drone square in the back, bouncing harmlessly off of its bright red chitin, slick with rain.

It swivels it's horrible head towards you, eyes glowing with annoyance. Great, now you have its attention. You got the attention of the giant murderbot. You, the mutant with subpar combat skills.

_ Shit. _

You immediately turn tail and run in a direction that doesn't have something that wants you dead. Well, that's generous given the direction you pick takes you straight into the sand wastes and _ plenty _ out there would be fine eating you alive. 

You don't look back, you just keep running as fast as you legs will take you, fuck, maybe even a little faster with the way you keep sliding down the dunes. All the air around you is so hot, your skin is blistering. You give a little shriek when a blast lands a few inches to your left and come to a dead stop when one hits right in front of you. You look up in time to see the drone hovering high in the air above you. It's barely visible against the sky and you quickly remind yourself to look back down before you end up completely blind.

Hellfire rains down from above as you desperately run back and forth, zigzagging left and right and any other directions you can think of to keep this thing from making you a little red stain.

You're just thinking about how this can't possibly get any worse when you feel something clawing at your ankles. Something drags you down to the ground and begins pulling you backwards. You turn to see a gnarled black hand popping up from the same wrapped tight around you, pulling you closer in its grasp. _ Shit _, the fucking shadowdroppers!

You hack haphazardly at your ankles, problems cutting yourself a few times but the monster just won't relent. Hooking its wrist in the crook of your sickle, you sharply pull up and sever its hand off. Black blood sprays everywhere as an unbearable howl rises up from the depths. More hands pop up all around you, blindly clawing at anything they can reach.

You get the fuck out of there, leaping over more undead appendages as shit keeps exploding all around you.

So much sand and dust is in your air sacs, they feel like they're tearing with all the running you've been doing. the stupid cloak keeps falling into your eyes, fucking up your already terrible vision. God, this would be such a stupid way to die. You really don't want to die like this. Oh God, don't die don't die please do not fucking die-

VRISKA: KARKAT!!!!!!!!

VRISKA: OV8R HERE ID8OT!!!!!!!!

Is... is someone calling your name right now?

You turn your head and see Vriska frantically waving her arm in the distance. What the fuck does she want now?

KARKAT: WHAT??!??!??!??!

VRISKA: 8RING IT 8VER HERE DI8SHIT!!!

KARKAT: WHAAT????????

VRISKA: I SAI8 8RING 8T OV-

KARKAT: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT??????!!!!?!!?!??!!!?!!?

Okay, this clearly isn't getting you anywhere-

That horrible fog seeps into your pan again, vision going hazy. Legs turning mechanically beneath you, you abruptly swing to the left, nearly being dragged by some invisible force.

Vriska’s obnoxious voice rings out clearly from deep inside your pan.

VRISKA: Your incompetence truly knows no 8ounds.

KARKAT: WHAT IN THE CORUSCATING FLAMING FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING RIGHT NOW YOU HEAVING SPLAYSPHINCTER???

VRISKA: I have a plan stupid.

VRISKA: I just needed you to stop prancing around in the desert like a fanciful elf and get him over here.

KARKAT: OH, MY BAD!

KARKAT: I WASN’T AWARE RUNNING FOR MY FUCKING LIFE WAS WASTING YOUR PRECIOUS TIME!

VRISKA: 8luh, so sensitive.

VRISKA: Just get your ass over here.

As you skirt past her, you notice something small and bright blue nestled in her palm. Spinning around, you catch her just as she throws it to the ground- are those her dice? 

They begin to glow brilliantly, trembling slightly. A golden ball of light appears in front of Vriska, stretching and morphing until it assumes its final form and falls into her hand. It’s a pure white pistol, so white in fact that it doesn’t actually look real. It’s like someone painted a gun shaped hole in reality.

Vriska looks down at it in surprise for a moment, then shrugs her shoulders in acceptance. She takes aim at the giant red target in the sky boring down on the both of you and pulls the trigger. The sound it makes is like... the opposite of a boom? The sound of something imploding, a strange, deep woosh. 

The bullet misses, the drone growing ever close. Vriska growls and fires off two more rounds, both of them missing as well. This is a goddamn shit show.

KARKAT: ARE YOU *TRYING* TO MISS???

VRISKA: SH8T THE F8CK U8!!!!

VRISKA: This p8ece of sh8t ha8 a stu8id am8nt of kic8ack! Plus, I’d l8ke to see yo8 aim with n8 fucking depth perc8ption!!!!!!!!

She shoots at it again, screaming in rage before leaping to the right, roughly grabbing your arm and taking you with her right as another blast lands right where you were standing. Two more shots are fired wildly into the air that somehow actually manage to land. Too bad they do absolutely nothing. She attempts to fire a few more times, but the barrel is empty. Vriska throws the pistol as hard as she can, the useless gun sailing harmlessly over the drone.

You try to pull her back towards the hive to put some distance between you and the drone but she shrugs you off. She sprints forward and quickly picks up her dice, dodging the relentless gunfire all around her. After grabbing the last one, she throws them again, scattering them out into the sand. 

A few moments pass with seemingly nothing happening. Suddenly, a bright light appears above Vriska’s head as well as the drone’s. It shifts for a moment before solidifying. 

It’s an incredibly ridiculous hat.

It’s oversized and garish, with bright, clashing colors and patchwork fabric sewn erratically into it.

Vriska rips it off of her head and stares at it for a movement before throwing it onto the ground in disgust.

The drone looms just ahead, still sporting its dumbass headwear. Vriska plucks something out of the sand- it's one of your sickles, the one you had thrown earlier, gleaming sharply in the morning sunlight. She holds it firmly in her grasp and sets her sights back on the drone, determination in her eye. She thrusts at the drone, whipping the sickle in a wide arc as she slashes and swipes at it furiously. The shell gashes and scrapes against her steel, she is fucking relentless.

You’re about to move to help her when a loud mechanical grinding from behind you stops you dead in your tracks.

A dark shadow is cast over you. You turn and look up, a hard lump forming in your throat.

A third fucking drone.

The light gleams off of its massive shoulder spikes, each one impossibly sharp. Its hulking metallic chassis buzzes with low clicks and beeps, its sights set dead on you. Alright, fuck, ok, shit.

Your grip tenses around your lone sickle. 

It raises an arm at you and moves to fire. You duck low and jump to the left, the air smelling electric as the wind blows past your face. You race around behind it, eyes carefully locked on its every movement. You strike its back as hard as you can and it whirls around. The drone pulls back its arm and whacks you square in the chest. You’re sent flying backwards and crash into the wall a few yards behind you. Everything immediately explodes in pain. The world is spinning, your vision doubled and your body feels completely ruined. Is your spine broken? You’ve never craved death more than in this moment. 

No, that’s a lie- losing your eye was a fucking ordeal, but this is a close fucking second. Something is definitely broken, or ruptured, or some other configuration of fucked up. Warm liquid trickles down your brow. You wipe it away and the back of your hand comes back bright red. Fucking fantastic.

It fires at you again, you lunge towards the ground and hit the dirt, face skidding against rubble and muck. Your shoulder burns with white hot pain- fuck, that one grazed you.

Your eyes well up with tears as sharp, flashing agony spreads from your shoulder all the way down your arm. The skin is seared a raw pink color that makes you want to gag.

You scramble back to your feet and begin dodging again, slowed by exhaustion and heat and the fierce ringing in your head. This thing is absolutely merciless, with every second that passes your doomed fate is sealed further. 

Behind you, a gut churning explosion of screeching metal and wet meat grabs your attention momentarily as you continue your game of deadly hopscotch. You turn in time to see Kanaya several yards away, standing triumphant over a pile of scrap metal and biowaste. Hot pink fluids rain down from above, drenching her in the automaton's gore. She's completely fucking obliterated it.

You nearly congratulate her right before you're abruptly reminded of your own dire circumstances. The drone charges up its cannon for seemingly the millionth time and you swerve right in time to see how badly you've fucked up. Its powerful blast barrels right past, you can almost see the moment in slow motion.

It misses you by a hair but hits Kanaya dead on.

It shoots straight through her gut, in one end and out the other. She glances down at the new removal to her torso before falling to the ground with a sickening thud.

Kanaya is dead and it's all your fault. 

The world grows cold and still for just a few moments. A choked sob escapes your mouth, your throat feels like it’s closing up, you can’t fucking breathe. All you can see is her body, strewn limply upon the scorched ground. That thing was aiming for you. It should have been you. 

An ear splitting scream shakes you from your stupor. You turn to see Vriska, a perfect portrait of grief. The drone that was previously aggressing her now lies motionless beside her. Her face is etched in anguish, strands of her matted hair catching against tear soaked cheeks.

In an instant, she brandishes her dice high above her head before bringing them back down to the ground. Every part of her begins to glow as she begins to undergo what you can only describe as a magical girl transformation. The light engulfing her is a blinding cobalt blue, you stare at it dumbfounded as she climbs higher into the air.

When Vriska emerges, she's sporting a blue and black pirate outfit with bright red boots and a massive deep blue sword. If you knew anything about FLARPing you'd say she resembles her old character, but since you don't you just think she looks like kind of a tool.

Her previously missing arm has now been replaced with one made out of pure golden light. She uses that hand to grip her blade with great vengeance and furious anger.

She's on the drone hovering over you instantly, striking down her cutlass in one swift, expert move. The drone sways for a moment, seemingly unharmed. Then the top half of its body slowly slides to the bottom, crashing into the sand below. It just narrowly avoids crushing you under its weight, the bottom quickly following suit.

Vriska lowers her sword solemnly. All the energy has been drained from her. She’s completely soaked from the rain, her hair almost covering her face entirely. Marching over to Kanaya’s body, she kneels down in the mud and cradles her still face in her hand.

Should you say something to her? This whole thing still doesn’t feel real to you, like at any moment Kanaya will dust herself off and be just fine. 

You’re still contemplating walking over there when a rumbling from behind grabs your attention. The first drone Vriska had taken out starts emitting a low humming noise. Its pitch grows higher and higher and before long you have to grab at your auditory cavities in pain.

The drone begins picking itself off the ground, you notice it’s missing an arm. Internal mechanisms fire and wail from within its body as it brings itself back to life. You take a few panicked steps back and trip over something, hopelessly trying to crawl away from the thing. Rocks and debris stab into your palms as you blindly claw backwards, that stupid fucking cape get twisted up in one of your feet.

You can’t even scream. Your mouth is held agape in horror as the drone towers above you so high it blots out the sun. Every single part of you is shaking in terror. It points right at your head.

Suddenly you feel your collar tightening around your neck. You’re violently yanked to the side, nearly getting all the air cut off to your breath tube. A nasty crack goes off, hitting the ground right where you stood. The drone begins to brutally shake and creak as it’s engulfed in red and blue light. Joints snap in two, metal bending and crushing and twisting viscously until it’s half the size of what it once was.

You squint into the sky and catch a glimpse of a ball of flashing red and blue high above you. 

You can’t quite see Sollux’s face- he’s too far up and it's much too bright. His arm moves to take something from his face- his glasses. You watch dumbfounded as pure, unrestrained psionic energy bolts down and completely incinerates what’s left of the drone in a blaze of strobing light. You have to look away, you can feel its heat just from where you’re sitting. 

Spots float in and out of your vision by the time he’s done. When you look back, all you see is a massive smoldering crater, holy shit.

The glow surrounding Sollux slowly begins to fade. He sways momentarily before going limp and plummeting back towards the ground. You jump to your feet, ignoring every muscle in your body screaming in protest. You race towards Sollux, reaching him just as he slams into the sand of the wastes. Arms begin bursting through the depths once more, ripping at his skin, trying to pull him back down with them. You stomp on the hands as quickly as you can, pulling Sollux into your grasp. They latch on harder, these things are fucking relentless. 

You finally manage to escape your morbid game of tug of war and toss Sollux’s over your shoulder as you race back towards the lawnring. Behind you, shadowdroppers begin bursting forth from their hidden resting places, scattering pink tinted sand in every direction. Their black, melted faces glare at you with rage as they give chase. They’re vaguely troll shaped and as dark as the night; elongated limbs with razor sharp talons swipe at your heels. Their bright purple eyes burn with deep hatred, encouraging you to run even faster. Cold sweat pours down your face as you scramble back to the hive- you’ll take fire over these fuckers any day of the week.

You grab Vriska by the sleeve of her tattered shirt as you run past. She tries to fight her way out of your grip- she doesn’t want to leave Kanaya’s body- but now isn’t the time for mourning. Within seconds the undead bear down on poor Kanaya, one of them taking her back for whatever the hell they do with dead trolls while the rest of them continue their pursuit. 

You roughly push Vriska inside and slam the door behind you. Moments later animalistic howling and forceful pounding start up just on the other side.

The sittingblock is completely filled with smoke. You begin hacking and wheezing as you try and think straight. Your eyes sting, your skin is completely fried and the room won’t stop fucking spinning. The sound of splintering wood fills the room, one of those goddamn hellbeasts managed to get a fist through the door.

You look over at Vriska, but she’s still shellshocked, aka utterly useless. You frantically look around the room until your gaze is set on the mealblock. The hatch!

You rush over to that spot in the floor to see the covering smashed to pieces. Sollux must have broken it somehow when he left. You kneel down next to the opening, peering into the darkness. Something launches at your face and you scream, backing the hell up. A massive black hand emerges from underground, accompanied by a pair of narrowed violet eyes shining brightly. Its gaze is fixed on you, a low growl climbing in its throat. 

You two stare unblinking at each other for a moment.

In a split second the beast lunges at you right as you slash at it with your sickle. The blade slices open its face, thick, black blood leaking onto its rotten flesh from its fresh wound. It screeches in pain and swipes wildly at you, catching your cheek with one of its claws. Your face burns with stinging pain as blood drips down.

You swing at it again and run back into the sittingblock. Vriska stares at you wide eyed in alarm as her face silently asks “what the _ fuck _ just happened?”

You don't answer her question, instead opting to grab her arm and bring her up the stairs with you right as the shadowdropper crashes into the room, banging into furniture and screeching as loud as it can. The front door finally bursts, more of the sunbaked corpses coming to join it in its hunt. 

As you run down the hall, you feel Vriska rip your sickle from your hand. She spins around and strikes one that had been gaining on you, slashing its throat open. It gurgles and spits up bile before collapsing, still as the dead. You know it isn’t though.

The three of you finally reach Kanaya’s block. Ragged holes are ripped through the walls as small fires burn up strips of fabric. The air is surprisingly clearish up here, the smoke thin and wafting through the destruction out into the morning sky. You finally dump Sollux on the ground, a little harder than intended, the weight of lugging him around finally catching up with you. Scratching and beating starts up on the door, you groan and trudge over to a bookcase on the far side of the block. Vriska seems to pick up on your idea, helping you lift the heavy wood and position it in front of the door. 

You collapse to the floor, thoroughly exhausted. You don’t think you could stand up if you wanted to. All the adrenaline is leaking out of you, leaving you cold and small and weak. This fucking sucks.

With a tremendous amount of effort you crane your neck to look at Sollux’s body. You don’t think he’s dead, but he sure looks it. An upsetting amount of bright yellow blood is smeared across his face, smeared with sand and grit. It’s leaking from every orifice, out of his nose and mouth and even his eyes. This is genuinely one of the most disgusting things you’ve ever seen. A shadow moves over him, you glance up and see Vriska scowling in disgust.

VRISKA: Ugh.

VRISKA: Is he fucking dead?

KARKAT: HE’S NOT DEAD.

Vriska raises an eyebrow at you. She nudges Sollux with her foot a couple of times. He remains completely still.

VRISKA: You sure a8out that?

KARKAT: YES I’M FUCKING SURE!

KARKAT: HE’S BREATHING. KIND OF.

You pause for a moment, then stick a finger under his bloodied nose.

KARKAT: BOOM, BREATHING. FUCK YOU.

VRISKA: Eugh, whatever.

KARKAT: WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH WAIT.

KARKAT: WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU’RE GOING?

VRISKA: Uhhhhhhhh, to go get Kanaya?

KARKAT: WHAT??

KARKAT: LIKE HER FUCKING BODY?

VRISKA: Yeah, sure.

KARKAT: I ASK AGAIN, WHAT?

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH HER MANGLED CORPSE?

VRISKA: I d8n’t f8cking know!!!!!!!!

VRISKA: I don’t w8nt th8se fuck8ng thing8 with her god8amn 8ody it’s WE8RD!

KARKAT: YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS WEIRD?

KARKAT: YOU HOARDING HER FUCKING BODY LIKE SOME EMOTIONALLY STUNTED CAVE DWELLING GREMLIN.

VRISKA: What the hell is your pro8lem?

VRISKA: You got to hang onto Captor’s creepy 8loody dipshit 8ody!

KARKAT: HE IS NOT FUCKING DEAD!

KARKAT: DO YOU KNOW WHO *IS* DEAD?

KARKAT: KANAYA. HER ASS IS CURRENTLY FROLICKING THE PEARLY GATES OF WHATEVER FUCKED UP IS WAITING FOR US.

KARKAT: I AM SORRY THAT SHE’S GONE, BUT CLINGING ONTO WHAT’S LEFT OF HER ISN’T GOING TO FUCKING HELP.

VRISKA: 8UT IT’8 N8T FAIR!!!!!!!!

KARKAT: WHAT? WHAT ISN’T FAIR? THAT SHE’S DEAD?

KARKAT: HEAD’S UP SWEETHEART, EVERYBODY FUCKING DIES! SHE’S NOT SPECIAL-

VRISKA: N8, yo8 fuc8ing sh8t8ag!

VRISKA: I8’S NOT F8IR THAT 8HE’S DE8D 8ND Y8U AR8N’T!!!!!!!!

You bolt upright, acid and vitriol flash flooding your mind in an instant. Everything that had been lying dormant in your fatigue comes bursting forth. Tears slip down your cheek as everything that you had buried deep down comes bursting out like a fucking dam.

KARKAT: YOU THINK I DON’T FUCKING KNOW THAT?

KARKAT: DID YOU THINK IT HAS SOMEHOW ESCAPED MY HOW BELIEVABLY UNFAIR IT IS THAT SHE’S LYING IN A DITCH SOMEWHERE WITH A CANYON CARVED INTO INTO HER FUCKING CHEST?

KARKAT: THERE AREN’T ENOUGH WORDS IN THE GODDAMN GALAXY TO DESCRIBE HOW FUCKED UP I FEEL ABOUT THIS.

KARKAT: IT’S MY FAULT SOLLUX HAD TO ABANDON HIS DUMBASS LUSUS AND HIS HIVE STEM AND ITS MY FAULT HE’S LYING FUCKING UNCONSCIOUS ON THE FUCKING FLOOR BLEEDING OUT OF EVERY OPENING IN HIS FUCKING FACE.

KARKAT: IT’S MY FAULT I GOT MY EYE GOUGED OUT THEN CAUSED A MASS FUCKING PANIC IN A PUBLIC TRANSPORT STATION.

KARKAT: AND IT IS *ESPECIALLY AND UNEQUIVOCALLY* MY FAULT THAT KANAYA’S HIVE IS BURNING TO THE GODDAMN GROUND AND THAT HER REMAINS ARE BEING PICKED APART BY THE FUCKING UNDEAD!

KARKAT: DO YOU REALLY THINK I’M SLOW WITTED ENOUGH NOT TO HAVE NOTICE THE COMMON FUCKING THREAD IN THESE INCIDENTS?

KARKAT: EVERYTHING THAT I TOUCH JUST BLOWS THE FUCK UP IN MY STUPID FACE AND I AM SO FUCKING ****SICK**** OF IT! I’M SICK OF MYSELF.

KARKAT: SO IF YOU REALLY WANT TO DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE INSTEAD OF THROWING YOURSELF A MOTHERFUCKING PITY PARTY AND PLAYING THE GODDAMN BLAME GAME, YOU CAN DO EVERYONE IN THIS FUCKING HELLHOLE A FAVOR AND JUST KILL ME YOURSELF YOU FUCKING COWARD!!!!!

Vriska stares you down, her expression utterly unreadable. You think she might have been crying two, her face is slick with something that isn't quite blood. You meant every word of it you hope she does it, you hope she fucking kills you, right here and right now. You have never felt so completely disgusted with yourself. You fucking deserve it.

Before either of you can move, an uproar from behind the door interrupts your standoff. 

The sounds of carnage tear through the air, cries of agony call out muffled behind the barricade. Something buzzes alongside the chorus of the damned, growing closer to your hiding spot. Vriska backs up against the farthest wall, but you make no move to join her. You’re so tired.

Eventually, the screams fall silent, as does the buzzing. The doorknob begins to rattle , shaking so hard you think it might pop out entirely. Something begins slamming against the door, forcing the bookshelf aside inch by inch. You wish it would hurry the fuck up. 

A gap in the doorway allows something tall and bright to slip inside. You honestly could not give less of a shit about whatever fucking desert monster is about to eviscerate you. You shut your eyes and wait while whatever just broke in strides towards you.

KANAYA: Is He Okay Or

_ What in the fresh fuck? _

Your eyes shoot open and you squint to look at the glowing ball of light in front of you. The person-shaped ball of light.

It’s Kanaya all right... and she’s glowing for some ungodly reason? Her skin is pure white and flickering slightly. She’s splattered in murky blood and filth. Your gaze keeps drifting back to the giant hole in her gut. It’s a lot neater than you would have thought, the heat must have cauterized it.

Did you already die or something?

You jump to your feet and inspect your previously extremely dead friend’s body. A couple of pokes satisfy your curiosity that she _ isn’t _ a ghost. But if she isn’t one, then what the hell _ is _ she?

KANAYA: Are You Quite Done

KARKAT: WH-

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK?

KARKAT: IS NOBODY GOING TO TALK ABOUT THIS????

KANAYA: Talk About What

KARKAT: ARE YOU SHITTING ME???

KARKAT: HOW IN THE FUCKBLASTING SHIT ARE YOU HERE RIGHT NOW?????

KARKAT: YOU’RE *DEAD*!!

KANAYA: Undead Actually

KARKAT: ??????????

KARKAT: I SUDDENLY UNDERSTAND JACK SHIT.

KANAYA: It Is Quite Simple Actually

KANAYA: Ill Explain It To You Later

KARKAT: THAT’S NOT A FUCKING ANSWER, THAT’S THE PROMISE OF AN ANSWER THAT I MAY OR MAY NOT RECIEVE OR IN A SATIFYING WAY YOU CAGEY BITCH.

Her gaze drifts over to Vriska, who still hasn’t moved from her spot in the corner.

KANAYA: Hello Vriska

VRISKA: ........

VRISKA: Hey.

KANAYA: I Hope You Werent Too Worried

VRISKA: I was an average amount of worried.

KARKAT: SHE WAS BLUBBERING LIKE A FRESHLY HATCHED WRIGGLER DESPERATELY MISSING WARM EMBRACE OF THE MOTHER GRUB'S OOZE SPHINCTER.

Vriska shoots you a look so devastating you actually feel your blood turn cold.

KANAYA: Ah

She looks around again and her eyes land on Sollux. She crouches next to him leans in close. Is she sniffing him? Is there something about being dead that makes you a fucking creep?

VRISKA: What, did he finally die or something?

KANAYA: He Isnt Dead

VRISKA: How the hell can you tell?

KANAYA: I Can Hear His Blood Pumping Through His Veins

VRISKA: Um

KARKAT: OH, OF COURSE!

KARKAT: LET'S ALL PRETEND THAT'S A COMPLETELY NORMAL AND SANE THING TO SAY RIGHT NOW!

Kanaya doesn't respond. Instant she gently takes Sollux's head in her grasp and to keep it back slightly.

Oh God, is she-

VRISKA: Oh, what the fuck?

KARKAT: I THINK I'M GOING TO BE SICK.

Golden blood drips down her chin when she lifts her head again. Bile is rising from your food pit- you've seen a lot of vile shit today but this is something else entirely.

KANAYA: Remind Me To Offer My Apologies When He Comes To

KARKAT: WELL THAT NIGHTMARE FUEL IS BURNED INTO MY RETINAS UNTIL THE END OF TIME.

KANAYA: Dont Be So Dramatic

VRISKA: No, he has a point. The was fucking disgusting.

KANAYA: Coward

Vriska looks genuinely taken aback by this retort while Kanaya seems quite pleased with herself. You almost wish she had actually been some horrible monster so you didn't have to use up your few remaining think cells trying to figure out what the fuck is going on right now. Can people just come back to life like this? It's not like being a shadowdropper is fucking contagious or anything. You have heard of this one awful fungus that bores into its victim's mind and puppets around their corpse for a while, but this isn't that. Kanaya is fully reanimated and completely in control of her own actions and apparently one of those actions is drinking the blood of your unconscious best friend. Boyfriend? God, get your priorities straight.

KANAYA: I See We Arent Moving Forward Without A Suitable Explanation Are We

KARKAT: NO FUCKING SHIT!

VRISKA: Oh my G8D, could you fucking can it?? She's 8arely 8een a8le to get a single sentence out.

KANAYA: Thank You Dear

KANAYA: Question

KANAYA: What Do You Two Know About Rainbow Drinkers

VRISKA: What the fuck are you talking a8out right now?

KARKAT: WHAT?

KARKAT: YOU MEAN THOSE BULLSHIT OVERDRAMATIZED BLOODSUCKERS?

KANAYA: Yes

KANAYA: That Is What I Am

KARKAT: EX FUCKING CUSE ME????

KARKAT: SINCE WHEN?

KANAYA:

KANAYA: Always

KANAYA: Its Not Contagious Karkat

KANAYA: Nor Is It That Abnormal For One Of My Caste To Have Such Abilities

KANAYA: Certain Elements Of Them Have Definitely Been Dramatized Over The Sweeps

KANAYA: But The Core Concept Is Very Real

KARKAT: I-

KARKAT: SO THIS IS JUST YOU NOW?

KARKAT: SPOOKY UNDEAD TEENAGE GIRL WITH GLOWING SKIN AND A FUCKING HOLE IN HER MIDDLE?

KANAYA: I Suppose

KARKAT: FUCK. WHY ARE ALL MY FRIENDS SUCH FREAKS?

And what does that say about you?

KARKAT: NO OFFENCE.

KANAYA: Ill Let It Slide

Fuck. Alright. Just get your shit together, Vantas. Sure, things have gone completely ass up apeshit bananas in the past few hours, but who doesn't have to deal with a disaster pileup from time to time? You just need to calm the hell down.

Your head just won’t stop pounding, you can barely process the metric fuck ton of information being shoved up your nook right now.

Out of the corner of your eye Sollux moves suddenly, scaring the shit out of you. He hacks and wheezes, his body jerking and spazzing. A spurt of sickly yellow blood trickles out of his mouth, spraying over his shirt while he coughs. After a few moments, he lies still again.

KARKAT: SON OF A BITCH.

KARKAT: OK, WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE DOING ABOUT HIM?

VRISKA: Oh, did he finally-

KARKAT: FUCKING DROP IT.

KARKAT: OK, CERTAIN PRIORITIES NEED TO BE SORTED.

KARKAT: MISCELLANEOUS TOPICS SUCH AS THE QUESTION OF WHETHER OR NOT CAPTOR HAS FINALLY EXPIRED AFTER MASS EVACUATION OF MOST OF THE BLOOD IN HIS BODY THROUGH HIS FUCKING FACE OR KANAYA’S RECENT REJECTION OF DEATH NEED TO BE DROPPED FROM NOW UNTIL THE HEAT DEATH OF THE UNIVERSE.

KARKAT: THERE ARE MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THINGS IN FROND RIGHT NOW, SO LET’S KEEP OUR EYES ON THE GODDAMN PRIZE.

KARKAT: THESE LAST FEW HOURS HAVE BEEN NOTHING BUT A MASSIVE DEMONSTRATION OF HOW MUCH PREPOSTEROUS SHIT CAN AND WILL BE THROWN AT US.

KARKAT: BUT SINCE NONE OF US HERE ARE A BUNCH OF QUIVERING BULGESTALKS, WE STAND TRIUMPHANT IN THE RUINS OF KANAYA’S HIVE.

VRISKA: Oh give me a 8r8k.

KARKAT: DO NOT *FUCKING* INTERRUPT ME I SWEAR TO GOD.

KARKAT: THAT BEING SAID, IT FEELS LIKE EVERY BONE IN MY BODY HAS BEEN CRUSHED INTO FUCKING STARDUST AND THE FEELING OF BEING SLOWLY COOKED ALIVE BY THAT BULLSHIT BALL OF GAS IN THE SKY HASN’T EXACTLY HELPED.

KARKAT: AND BY THE LOOKS OF IT, NEITHER OF YOU IS FARING MUCH BETTER, NOT TO MENTION THIS TRASHFACED SADSACK ON THE FLOOR OVER HERE.

You gesture to Sollux, the trashfaced sadsack, strewn about on the floor of Kanaya’s block like some sort of fucked up ragdoll.

KARKAT: SO I FEEL IT WOULD BE IN OUR BEST INTEREST TO COME UP WITH A PLAN THAT DOESN’T COMPLETELY FUCKING WET THE COCOON BEFORE WE DO ANYTHING, DOES THAT SOUND REASONABLE?

KANAYA: Yes

KARKAT: GREAT! SO, I WAS THINKING-

However, before you can finish you very fucking important thought, Serket knocks you aside and steals your goddamn thunder. Fuck, you hate her so fucking much.

VRISKA: Oh my G8D, I thought you’d never shut the fuck up dude.

KARKAT: I WAS *LITERALLY* IN THE MIDDLE OF-

VRISKA: Em8arrassing yourself, I know, we get it. You’ll shit yourself if we aren’t constantly giving into your little theatrics.

VRISKA: Whatever you were a8out to say, I guarantee you it a8solutely did not fucking matter in the slightest.

VRISKA: So try to keep quiet while the adults are talking, okay?

Oh, this is such fucking _ bullshit _ . She always fucking does this, just comes right in and asserts herself, like everyone just suddenly decided that listening to Vriska Fucking Serket was suddenly the best idea since sliced grubloaf. What the fuck does _ she _ even know about planning anyway? She’s halfassed her way through every goddamn scheme and plot and coup she’s ever dreamt of while taking a fat shit on the loadgaper, the absolute _ worst _ part being that it all seems to inexplicably come together at the end and everyone just forgets how much shit they had to dredge through to get there in the first fucking place!

You see right through Vriska’s dramaturgical confidence and fast talking tactics. She’s just a girl who wants attention, like every other brown nosing, hypercompetitive, mindfucking blue-blooded fuck in this shithole. Honestly, why Kanaya would ever fall for her is completely beyond even your reasoning. 

How’d she even know your plan was going to be that bad anyway? You couldn’t even get a fucking word out! She probably just read your mind and saw how good of a plan it was and got so fucking jealous she shut you up before you could say it. She’s probably rehashing it like a two sweep old right now. Yep, you bet if you were paying attention to a single word out of her mouth that is exactly what you’d hear. God, your plans are so fucking good, like that time with the train.

Shit, was the train your plan? It sort of fell apart in the middle though- no, it wasn’t your plan. That shit was Captor's fault, it was a symphony of catastrophe.

Oh fuck, Sollux. You should probably stop dunking on his shit ass plan in case he’s actually dead. There’s probably something in the bro code about taking a hot steaming dump on your deceased friend's terrible, terrible plan which you were in no way responsible for having gone sideways.

Good grief, “bro code”? You _ just _made out with this guy a few hours ago, you feel like you’ve passed a certain threshold in which being just bros will no longer be sufficient. You wish he wasn’t so unconscious and also mortally wounded so you could ask him about it. He’d probably give you an unhelpful answer anway. Fucking Sollux.

Your mouth tastes like blood. Did you lose a tooth? Sure enough, you swish your taste tentacle around your mouth and find a newly vacated copper tasting spot. Where did you spit it out? Did you swallow it? Is it-

VRISKA: Karkat, could you shut your trap a second? I can 8arely hear myself think!

KARKAT: EXCUSE ME?

VRISKA: You’ve 8een muttering to yourself on the floor for the past fifteen minutes! Did a couple of screws get knocked loose as well as your fucking ri8s?

KARKAT: WAS I TALKING OUTLOUD?

VRISKA: Y8s!!!!!!!!

KANAYA: You Do That Quite Often Actually

VRISKA: It was really annoying, and honestly kind of rude?

VRISKA: I was in the middle of outlining my really cool plan!

VRISKA: It’s some pretty top notch shit, so I suggest you actually pay attention so you don’t fuck it up.

KARKAT: UGH.

KARKAT: IS ME KNOWING THE BEGINNING OF IT GOING TO BE IMPORTANT BECAUSE I JUST KIND OF TUNED YOU OUT.

VRISKA: WH8T????????

VRISKA: God D8MMIT.

VRISKA: Every fucking time.

VRISKA: Okay, I’m not going into the details again 8ecause they honestly don’t concern you considering you couldn’t even 8e 8othered to shut the fuck up for 20 minutes.

VRISKA: We’re taking your 8oyfriend’s stupid, 8leeding corpse and making the trek out to the 8rooding caverns where we’ll hide out in the adjacent a8andened tunnels.

VRISKA: Kanaya has graciously offered to do recon on the stuffy jades who dwell down there so we can get some actual fucking supplies.

KANAYA: I Did No Such Thing

KANAYA: I Was Strong Armed Into This Whole Charade If We Are Being Perfectly Honest

VRISKA: 8a8e, now is not the time for whining. Karkat is in charge of that, and we’re at critical fucking mass.

KARKAT: I DON’T WHINE.

VRISKA: I’m sorry, I thought I heard something, must of 8een a 8unch of 8itching from the cherry8looded nooksniffer 8ecause I don’t give a fuck!

VRISKA: As I was saying, we’ll stay down in the caverns avoiding detection till the solar equinox, at the precise middle of the sweep.

VRISKA: That’s when trolls who have already reached the legal age to officially serve the empire are due to take their final trials.

KARKAT: YEAH, WE ALL FUCKING KNOW THAT, IT’S TAUGHT IN BEING A GODDAMN TROLL 101.

VRISKA: So help me if you 8utt in one more time I will slap the stupid out of you.

VRISKA: What I have 8een TRYING to say is that adults will 8e on planet to o8serve certain trials, like the Jade8lood’s Christening.

VRISKA: We use that time to cause a distraction, na8 a ship and get the fuck out of here, no sweat!

KARKAT: WOW.

KARKAT: OK, I FEEL LIKE YOU’RE IGNORING A METRIC FUCKTON OF WHAT’S WRONG WITH THAT PLAN.

KARKAT: FIRST OF ALL-

Vriska interrupts you by slapping you square across the face. Your cheek erupts in fire and you curse her out as your mouth fills with blood again. FUCK, did she knock another tooth out?

VRISKA: I will not 8e taking comments, questions or criticisms at this time so feel free to shove it up your nook.

KARKAT: WHAT THE ***FUCK*** YOU FESTERING ASS SHOVEL????

VRISKA: You really just say the first noun that comes into your head, huh?

KANAYA: That Was Probably Uncalled For

VRISKA: What are you gonna do? Call the cavalreapers?

Kanaya just sort of glares at Vriska with a stoney expression before rolling her eyes. Whatever this is, it isn’t worth it to her apparently. Kanaya reaches down and gently picks up Sollux before slinging him over her shoulder. You’re grateful for her offering to do that, your back is fucking killing you, you would have probably ended up dragging him behind you.

KARKAT: SO, ARE WE SUPPOSED TO HIKE 10 MILES OUT INTO THE FUCKING DESERT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY? DO I HAVE THAT RIGHT?

VRISKA: Karkat, don’t 8e dense. We’re using Kanaya’s tunnels!

VRISKA: Those are really cool tunnels 8tdu8s. Man, I wish my hive had tunnels. You never really know that you’ll want tunnels until you’ve already finished 8uilding.

VRISKA: I have a crapton of 8locks 8ut no tunnels. 8n’t that a 8itch?

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DRONING ON ABOUT?

KARKAT: ALSO, AREN’T WE FORGETTING THE PART WHERE THOSE TUNNELS WERE PROBABLY OVERRUN WITH THOSE FUCKING MONSTERS?

KANAYA: I Handled It

KARKAT: WHAT? HOW?

Kanaya glances down at her chainsaw, then back up to you.

KANAYA: I Saw To It That It Was Handled

KANAYA: Chainsawed If You Will

KARKAT: OH MY GOD.

VRISKA: Hahahahahahahaha!

VRISKA: I forget how funny you are sometimes. That was corny as shit though.

Kanaya gives a dismissive wave of her hand and averts her eyes. It almost looks like she’s glowing a little brighter. You’d think it was adorable if you had any capacity to care about something like that right now.

KANAYA: The Point Is The Tunnels Should Be More Or Less Clear

KANAYA: And If They Are Not We Have Our Wits About Us And Also This Massive Fucking Chainsaw

VRISKA: I like those odds!

VRISKA: Now, if you’re done constantly questioning my authority on every little thing, we can get going Karkat.

KARKAT: FINE. WHATEVER.

KARKAT: WHEN WE ALL END UP DEAD IN A BUNCH OF CAVES KNOW THAT I WILL NOT HESITATE TO HAUNT YOUR ASS UNTIL THE END OF TIME.

VRISKA: ;;;;)

KARKAT: DON’T DO THAT.

God, she is the fucking pits.

The three of you carefully tiptoe through eviscerated monster corpses and make your way back downstairs. Vriska drops down into the tunnels, followed by you then finally Kanaya and Sollux. When you drop down there, you notice a few additional shadowdroppers, each one ripped to shreds. Fuck, it was a terrible idea to leave Sollux down here wasn’t it? Something could have happened to him. Where else would you have put him though? Why is trying to keep one person alive so fucking difficult?

The ground is sticky with congealed black blood, as shiny as an oil spill. Vriska glances around at the carnage, then immediately plunges right ahead into the pitch dark tunnels. Alright, well you’ve had a good run, guess it’s time to die.

The dark obviously isn’t much of a problem for your party- even if trolls didn’t have excellent night vision, Kanaya’s basically like a walking flashlight.

Bugs skitter past along the grimy walls, quickly darting into little cracks and crevices to hide from the light as you make your way past. When was the last time you ate? Would it be gross if you ate one of them?

Yeah, you’re not quite tired enough to lower your fucking dignity past the point of no return. Begging to be killed? Yes, but not eating mystery bugs. 

Huh, you had almost forgotten about that actually. Will Vriska bring it up again? You really hope that she doesn’t, you’re not looking forward to that particular pit of despair anytime soon.

Would you have let her done it? You sure _ felt _ shitty enough right then. You can barely feel anything as it stands, any traces of adrenaline that might have been lingering in your body have gone straight down the shitter. Now you just feel like you’ve been hollowed out, like your insides are all exposed and _ god dammit you’re thinking about Kanaya’s creepy hole again _.

You snag a quick glance over at your friend again and holy fucking shit that is disgusting. It being illuminated in her eerie pale light might be making it worse. Is she being kept alive by fucked up magic zombie rules right now? A good chunk of her organs must be completely obliterated right now. How the hell is she going to eat. Wait- does she even need to eat now? You guess that shit with Sollux is how she gets energy now. Where the fuck does the blood go? So many questions.

This is your fault. It doesn’t matter that she’s alive now, you still got her killed. Quite violently, actually. You can’t even imagine how painful that shit must have been. At least it was quick? No, don’t do that. You don’t get to alleviate your guilt by hoping she didn’t suffer you fucking douche. She still died and it was awful and it wouldn’t have happened if you weren’t here.

Are you ever going to stop feeling like this- like everything in the world is your fault? As much as you want to believe that this is all just a series of fucked up events, you can’t help but feel like you’re being punished for something.

For what? Wanting to be live- or wanting to be happy? This can’t all just be coincidence, it just feels too fucking personal. Oh, the day you finally get to kiss Sollux and maybe establish some sort of actual relationship with him is also the exact time Vriska shows up and Kanaya's hive gets blown to smithereens and she gets culled right in front of you. This is some Troll Shakespeare shit. 

This is making you metaphysically tired. Philosophically? Ethically? Point blank you’re sick to bastard death of being a massive, worthless piece of fucking-

KANAYA: Are You Alright Karkat

KARKAT: WHAT? WHY WOULDN’T I BE ALRIGHT?

KARKAT: I’M SO FUCKING JAZZED RIGHT NOW KANAYA, REALLY.

KARKAT: ABSOLUTELY THROUGH THE METAPHORICAL ROOF, I AM BLITZED THE FUCK OUT ON SO MANY GODDAMN CHILL PILLS.

KANAYA: Oh

KANAYA: I Just Thought Id Ask

KANAYA: Considering You Keep Anxiously Glancing Over At Me The Averting Your Gaze When You Notice Me Noticing You Trying Your Best To Not Bring Up My Ruptured Torso

KARKAT: HAVE I BEEN DOING THAT?

KANAYA: You Are Startlingly Unaware Of Yourself

KARKAT: SO I’VE BEEN TOLD.

KANAYA: So Was That Response Legitimate Or

KARKAT: NO KANAYA, I WAS OBVIOUSLY BEING FACETIOUS.

KARKAT: I’M KIND OF LOSING MY SHIT HERE!

KARKAT: WELL

KARKAT: NOT ANYMORE I DON’T THINK?

KARKAT: I WAS DEFINITELY GOING THROUGH SOMETHING WHILE AGO, I’M KIND OF GLAD YOU WEREN’T THERE, IT WAS FUCKING EMBARRASSING.

KARKAT: BUT NOW IT’S JUST

KARKAT: I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY PAN, IT FEELS LIKE I OVERLOADED IT AND NOW I’M SOME KIND OF EMOTIONAL VEGATABLE.

KARKAT: EVERYTHING’S BEEN SO SHITHIVE MAGGOTS IN JUST THE PAST FEW HOURS, AND A LOT OF THINGS ARE HITTING ME RIGHT NOW?

KANAYA: Any Big Revelations

KARKAT: YES.

KARKAT: EVERYTHING TERRIBLE AND SHITTY IS MY FAULT FOREVER AND ALWAYS.

KANAYA: What An Astute Observation

KARKAT: I KNOW, I’M LIKE THE TROLL SIGMOUND FRUED OF PERSONAL EPIPHANIES.

KANAYA: Well You Are About As Accurate As Him

KANAYA: But

KANAYA: I Cant Help But Think Youre Being A Little Hard On Yourself

KARKAT: KANAYA, STALL WHATEVER PEP TALK YOU’RE ABOUT TO GIVE, JUST CAN IT AND SAVE YOUR BREATH.

KARKAT: YOU ARE QUITE LITERALLY FUCKING DEAD.

KARKAT: I MEAN, YOU WERE? EARLIER?

KARKAT: YOU WERE AT SOME POINT DEAD AND IT WAS REALLY AWFUL AND WOULD HAVE UNDENIABLY NOT HAPPENED IF I WASN’T AROUND, THESE ARE JUST IRREFUTABLE FUCKING FACTS.

KARKAT: NO AMOUNT OF YOU JUST BEING OK WITH IT WILL EVER MAKE ME OK WITH IT.

KARKAT: IT SHOULDN’T HAVE BEEN YOU, AND SOLLUX SHOULDN’T HAVE HAD TO LEAVE HIS HIVE AND HIS LUSUS TO STAY WITH ME, AND NOW HE COULD BE FUCKING DYING BECAUSE OF IT.

KARKAT: GOD, I FEEL LIKE I GIVE THIS SPEECH ONCE A WEEK, MOST OF ALL TO MYSELF.

KARKAT: LOOK ASSHOLE, IT’S HAPPENED AGAIN! PEOPLE GOT HURT JUST BECAUSE OF YOUR MERE PRESENCE! WHY DON’T YOU JUST DO EVERYONE A FUCKING FAVOR AND

KARKAT: GOD

KARKAT: JUST FUCK OFF.

KANAYA: I

KANAYA: Didnt Realize You Felt That Way

KARKAT: IT’S NOT LIKE I REALLY WANT TO TELL YOU.

KARKAT: I’M RACKED WITH GUILT ALL THE TIME AND IT’S LIKE

KARKAT: THERE’S NOWHERE TO GO. I’M ENTOMBED IN IT. I’LL DROWN IT.

KARKAT: IT’S LIKE I WAS HATCHED TO SUFFER.

KARKAT: AND ON SOME LEVEL, I’D BE FINE WITH IT IF IT WERE JUST ME. LIKE, FUCK, MAYBE I DID SOMETHING TOTALLY FUCKED IN A PAST LIFE AND THIS IS LIKE

KARKAT: MY KARMA OR SOMETHING??

KARKAT: BUT I KEEP DRAGGING PEOPLE INTO IT. YOU’RE ALL DROWNING WITH ME.

Kanaya tentatively wrings her hands together, probably wondering how she can reverse this downward spiral. Newsflash sweetheart; it ain’t happening.

KANAYA: Im Sorry That You Feel That Way

KARKAT: PSH, YOU’RE TELLING ME.

KANAYA: You Seem To Be In A Bad Way

KANAYA: And I Apologize If I Ever Seemed To Convey That You Were In Any Way A Burden

KARKAT: WHAT? NO, FUCK THAT?

KARKAT: YOU DON’T HAVE TO APOLOGIZE, I AM FORCIBLY REJECTING THAT SHIT.

KARKAT: YOU DIDN’T *NEED* TO SAY OR DO ANYTHING, IT’S JUST THE WAY THINGS ENDED UP BEING. IT WAS NAIVE OF ME TO THINK THEY’D GO ANY OTHER WAY. WE SHOULDN’T HAVE COME HERE.

KANAYA: I See

KANAYA: Hm

KARKAT: WHAT ARE YOU “HM”ING?

KANAYA: What

KANAYA: Nothing

KANAYA: Just

KANAYA: Karkat How Do You Feel About The Sun

Wow, okay. That was kind of out of left field.

KARKAT: WHAT?

KANAYA: Stop With The Questions And Answer Mine

KARKAT: WELL, I THINK IT FUCKING SUCKS LIKE EVERYONE ELSE ON THE PLANET.

KARKAT: I FEEL LIKE A ROASTED CLUCKBEAST AND IT’S SO FUCKING BRIGHT YOU CAN BARELY SEE TWO INCHES IN FRONT OF YOUR OWN GODDAMN FACE.

KANAYA: Huh

KARKAT: HUH?

KANAYA: Yes Huh

KANAYA: You See

KANAYA: I Quite Enjoy The Sun

KANAYA: I Like How It Feels On My Skin In The Early Hours Of The Morning

KANAYA: And I Like How Bright It Is

KANAYA: I Think Its Powerful

KANAYA: A Thing To Be Respected And Cherished At The Same Time

KANAYA: Some People May Dislike The Sun And For Good Reason

KANAYA: But I Could Never Bring Myself To Despise Something That Has Brought Me Such Joy Over The Sweeps

KARKAT: WELL, YOU’RE WEIRD. THE SUN FUCKING BLOWS.

KANAYA: You May Be Right About That

KANAYA: The Bit About Me Being Weird Specifically Not The Other Part

KANAYA: But I Dont Care

KANAYA: Ill Continue Liking The Sun

KANAYA: And Ill Continue Keeping You Around

KANAYA: Even If You Believe Those Things To Be Foolish

KARKAT: THAT’S

KARKAT: THOSE TWO THINGS AREN’T EVEN REMOTELY COMPARABLE!

KARKAT: YOU’RE BIOLOGICALLY ENGINEERED TO WITHSTAND THE FUCKING SUN, THIS IS ABOUT ME GETTING YOU IN DANGER.

KANAYA: Karkat

KANAYA: Do I Look Dead To You

KARKAT: ...

KARKAT: IS THAT A TRICK QUESTION?

KANAYA: I Can Withstand A Lot Of Things

KANAYA: Like Dying

KANAYA: Im Built Different

KANAYA: And I Am Perfectly Capable Of Taking Care Of Myself

KANAYA: I Choose To Let You Two Live With Me

KANAYA: I Choose To Entertain Your Emotional Theatrics

KANAYA: And I Will Continue To Choose To Stick With You

KANAYA: Because You Are My Friend

KANAYA: As Strange As It May Be Considering All Of Your

KANAYA: Idiosyncrasies

KANAYA: I Value You

KANAYA: Im Not Giving You Up Because You Feel You Dont Deserve It

KANAYA: I Know What I Got Myself Into

You’re definitely crying right now. You feel Kanaya wrap her free arm around your shoulders as you try and process everything she’s just said. After all of that you might actually feel worse? She has no idea what she's gotten herself into because _ you _ have no idea what the hell you’ve gotten her into. Whatever it is, it doesn’t end well.

She’s so good to you. She’s never been cruel or obnoxious or tries to purposefully push your buttons. She’s kind and funny and witty- someone you don’t deserve in your life. It’s not even that she makes you better, she just makes you want to be better.

You wish you were half the friend to her that she is to you.

KARKAT: I JUST

KARKAT: I WISH I COULD MAKE IT UP TO YOU.

KANAYA: Well

KANAYA: One Way You Can Do That Is By Not Purposefully Putting Yourself In Danger In Some Suicidal Attempt To Make Us Even

KANAYA: Another Way Is If You Held Sollux For A While

KANAYA: My Back Is Starting To Hurt

KARKAT: OH SHIT, YEAH, OF COURSE.

You help Kanaya shift Sollux’s awkwardly lanky body into your arms and keep moving. He feels heavier, what the shit? You’re probably just tired. His eyes are half open, you can kind of see them if you shift his head the right way. They look so dull.

You really hope you aren’t dragging around a corpse.

Your nightmarish hike through the underground tunnels seems to go on for hours. It probably has been hours if you’re being honest, but exactly how many is completely lost. Your feet are blistered and calloused, you feel like there’s blood leaking down into the soles of your boots. Your arms have gone completely numb, you tried to keep shifting Sollux to make it more bearable but in the end had to resort to dragging his sorry ass on the ground by the ankles. You really wish you had the capacity to feel bad about this, but all of your concentration is fucking locked on putting one foot in front of the other and not collapsing.

You keep drifting into Kanaya. She’ll nudge you to the right, then you’ll start to lean on her again within a few minutes. 

Vriska has remained vexingly chipper about all of this. She apparently hasn’t reached her max capacity for off the walls bullshit. She marches ahead like a woman on a mission, often barking at you to pick up the pace. You tell her where she can stick her criticisms.

VRISKA: We’re getting close! I can feel it.

KARKAT: GETTING CLOSE TO WHAT EXACTLY?

KARKAT: DON’T HOLD BACK, I’M PISSING MYSELF IN EXCITEMENT OVER HERE.

VRISKA: Don’t 8e gross.

VRISKA: We’re getting close to-

VRISKA: TH8RE!!!!!!!!

Serket suddenly breaks out in a full on sprint, leaving you and Kanaya in the dust. Fucking fantastic.

KARKAT: DOES SHE *HAVE* TO BE HERE?

KANAYA: I Feel Like Shes Pretty Committed To This Whole Thing Yes

KARKAT: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

KARKAT: HEY, CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING?

KANAYA: Shoot

KARKAT: HOW IN THE NAME OF EVERY GOD DWELLING ABOVE AND BELOW DID YOU START DATING VRISKA FUCKING SERKET???

KANAYA: I

KANAYA: Its A Long Story

You pause, then crumple onto the ground in a heap next to Sollux.

KARKAT: WE HAVE NOTHING BUT TIME, I’M PRETTY SURE MY LEGS HAVE COMPLETELY SHUT DOWN.

KANAYA: Shit

She looks down at you in defeat, then takes a seat next to you.

KARKAT: SO?

KANAYA: Shush

KANAYA: I Am Thinking About How To Phrase This

KANAYA: I Care About Vriska

KANAYA: Deeply

KANAYA: I Feel I Always Have

KARKAT: FUCKING GAG ME.

She smacks your arm and continues with her stilted explaination.

KANAYA: I Am Unsure Of When We Became Quote

KANAYA: Official

KANAYA: Unquote

KANAYA: Or If That Was Ever Really A Thing We Had Discussed

KANAYA: Because Of You Staying With Me I Mostly Had To Keep Her At Arms Length

KANAYA: So Something Monumentally Stupid Would Not Happen

KARKAT: YOU MEAN LIKE EVERYTHING THAT’S HAPPENED TODAY?

KANAYA: Precisely

KANAYA: But She Is Very Good At Prodding

KANAYA: And She Calls Me The Busy Body

KANAYA: Eventually She Was Able To Extrapolate That I

KANAYA: Have Certain Feelings About Her

KANAYA: But Even Though We Have Technically Been Together For A Little Over Two Sweeps

KANAYA: I Am Still Unsure Of What Those Feelings Are Exactly

KARKAT: LIKE QUADRANTWISE?

KANAYA: Yes

KARKAT: TRY TO EXPLAIN THEM TO ME, MAYBE I CAN HELP YOU OUT.

KANAYA: Im Not Getting Out Of This Am I

KARKAT: ABSOLUTELY NOT.

KANAYA: Sigh

KANAYA: Well

KANAYA: Initially I Believed Them To Be Pale

KANAYA: Because I Felt This Sort Of Need To Help Her Out

KANAYA: Lets Face It She Needs A Lot Of Help In Different Areas

KANAYA: Then I Soon Found That I Felt That Way About A Lot Of Different People

KANAYA: I Like Helping

KANAYA: It Makes Me Feel

KANAYA: Relevant

KANAYA: So Then I Assumed Them To Be Flushed

KANAYA: But

KANAYA: That Doesnt Feel Quite Right Either

KANAYA: Shes Important To Me

KANAYA: I Just Dont Know In What Way

KARKAT: HUH.

KARKAT: YOU’VE REALLY GOT YOURSELF IN A QUADRANT PILEUP HAVEN’T YOU?

KANAYA: That

KANAYA: Is Certainly One Way To Put It

KARKAT: WELL, I’D LOVE TO HELP YOU GO OVER THESE FEELINGS IN EXCRUCIATING DETAIL, BUT USING MY HIGHER LEVEL THINKING IN ANY CAPACITY IS MAKING MY HEAD POUND LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER.

KARKAT: SO I SUGGEST I TAKE A QUICK 48 HOUR POWER NAP, THEN WE CAN TACKLE THIS PESKY VACILLATION SHIT, HOW DOES THAT SOUND?

KANAYA: It Sounds Like Youve Already Committed To The Idea

KARKAT: I HAVE.

KARKAT: MY PRIMARY FOCUS NOW HOWEVER IS TRYING TO UNLOCK MY LEGS.

VRISKA: Oh my fucking god, what the hell are you two 8im8os still ding 8ack here?

VRISKA: I found the thing!

KARKAT: WOW, I SUDDENLY AND INEXPLICABLE GIVE A SHIT ABOUT “THE THING.”

KARKAT: I HAVE DREAMS OF KISSING IT UNDER THE MOONLIGHT.

KANAYA: He Cant Stand Up

VRISKA: 8oooooooo, that is such a crock of shit.

VRISKA: We walked the exact same distance and you don’t see me complaining.

KARKAT: WELL NOT ALL OF US ARE FUELED BY ILLUSIONS OF OUR OWN GRANDEUR.

VRISKA: You are fucking impossi8le.

VRISKA: Kanaya, gra8 Captor, I’ll deal with this goddamn wriggler.

Vriska’s solution to your temporary paralysis is to just kind of drag you behind her like you were doing with Sollux, although you’d like to think his head hit less rocks. She takes you both to the mouth of some cavern and all but kicks you inside. You’ll have to repay the favor sometime.

The air in here is earthy and bitter, the wind causing a bit of a chill. Stalactites taper down from the high stone walls, the sound of echoing water dripping to the floor all around you. They seem to glitter when you shift your head, there must be some kind of crystal embedded inside them. It’s oddly beautiful.

KARKAT: WHERE THE FUCK ARE WE?

KANAYA: Its An Abandoned Mother Grub Sector

KARKAT: ??

KANAYA: Maturing Mother Grubs Must Be Kept Isolated From The Rest Of The Caverns

KANAYA: Shed Be Herded Off With A Select Few Jades Who Would Bathe Her And Feed Her And Keep Her Contented

KANAYA: This Is Also Where Shed Receive Her First Slurry

KARKAT: OK THAT’S ENOUGH WERE DONE TALKING ABOUT THAT FOR FUCKING EVER.

You never want to hear the end of that story in your life.

You need to fucking sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TY for sticking with me as always i love to hear your thoughts sorry about putting them all through that

**Author's Note:**

> i am by no means the first or last person to think of this but look. i deserve this


End file.
